To not want to babysit partner's nephews?

[zozooo]

Me and OH have 2 kids ranging from a 16 month old and a 3 month old.

The family dynamics in OH side is very unusual to say the least.
OH says himself "it's a cold family" as in they don't really see each other or do family events etc.

Anyway he is close to 1 of his siblings and this sibling has multiple children with various people.
I find the sibling very strange in the fact that they have not attempted to make any kind of effort with me in the decade that I have been with OH.
I have maybe met them a handful of times.

Anyway the sibling has young children who are 2 and 4 and has now asked OH to ask me to babysit.

I find this quite rude and cheeky seeing as I have never even met these kids before (OH had met them a handful of times).

I am very fortunate that I work from home and hours that suit me and I can be at home with the kids, we have recently moved to a larger property so obviously this sibling expects us me to baby sit frequently and do sleeps overs so that they can go out clubbing.

I have told OH I'm not doing that as it's like using someone.

Baring in mind this sibling has only seen out kids two times, doesn't really make the effort.

OH has gone out of his way to see his nephews but isn't reciprocated by the sibling.

Of course I want my kids to have a relationship with their cousins but I think this sibling needs to make more of an effort.

I has told OH if he wants to babysit he can but not to expect me to get involved.

AIBU?

Your posts have really riled me up for you, OP!

Have I understood this properly - the brother doesn't live with any of his kids. So he wants to be able to go get his kids, then dump them on you while he's off (Working? Going out with his mates? Having a nap?)? Does he then have the kids sleep over at his and takes them back to his ex's the next day so it counts as an overnight for him and he gets to pay her less CM?

And WTF with asking his brother to ask you rather just asking his brother? He thinks childcare is women's work?

I think you have your hands full enough with your 2 babies that I wouldn’t even consider it.what nerve, and so they can go clubbing. That’s a big NOPE. You have more than enough on your plate.

No, if he needs a babysitter (because he can't organise his busy social life to coincide with his five child free nights per week), he should pay for one.

If the OP's husband is giving his brother a break from caring for his children, he's not giving the OP a break from caring for their children.

The sperm spreader and his social life should not be a priority for either the OP or her husband.

But you are right that he expects a woman to work for him for free, not a man. Prick.

He doesn’t live with any of his children and he wants to pawn them off on someone else during the time he has with them? Heck no.

if he was an active, involved parent, it would be normal to ask you and your dp to babysit from time to time as a team. Even if you don’t have the closest relationship with him or the children, this could be a way to forge one. Asking just you though is odd. Why just you and not the brother? That makes no sense.

Oh for goodness sake!! Calm down will you.
I’m not the only bloody person who has made the same observation.
Yes - the guy needs to take care if his own bloody children, of course he does. No one is saying that he shouldn’t.
What I (and many others ) have stated is, IF babysitting is needed ( because everyone may need help once in a while for whatever reason) why is the women being asked and not the man?
That is my point.

Babysitting clearly isn't needed though. Nobody needs a babysitter once a week so they can go out, even when their children actually live with them, which his don't.

He's just a lazy toerag. And yes, a misogynist, because he expects the OP to step in because she is a woman.

I'd say she's got bigger problems though. Her DP's brother is easily dealt with. No is a complete sentence. The bigger problem is that she has had two children with a man who doesn't see this as a laughably outrageous request. That suggests that her own DP might be cut from the same cloth.

Ops post was all about being asked to babysit so I’m posting in response to Op.

She was asked to babysit. I’m not going into the finer points of whether babysitting should have been asked for in the first place.

Op - why hasn’t your partner been asked to babysit his own nephews? If your BIL is that desperate for a babysitter why doesn’t he ask his own family?

So when he is meant to be spending time with his kids, he wants you to do it? Well done for saying no, stand firm x

That's insane!

He is not even resident parent to either child yet needs a break!?!?!

I suggest the snip or keeping his dick in his pants.

He chose unprotected sex and now needs to play his part in raising his kids.

Absolutely agree with you 100% that you should not be babysitting!

I'd tell other half he can babysit at their house x

I can’t believe it’s caused an argument. Dp, let me be really clear. I will never ever babysit for someone who has never given me the time of day, in fact so much so he can’t even ask me! Yes yes he’s your brother- that means you are welcome to babysit , he’s chosen to be a complete stranger to me. Not my problem.

also, you’re working. I don’t babysit when I’m working from home, or parent my own children. Because I’m working??

It's making me laugh that this father of many children is too to take care of them so expects you, someone he would hardly recognise in the street and with two children under 18 months, to look after them for him.

I have just told OH again under no circumstances will I babysit his nephews and it's caused a massive argument.

Massive arguments between who? Honestly, does OH actually have your back here?

So basically DP's brother has 6 children with multiple women and these are the youngest two he has with the same woman.

Usually he would see the children as and when he can there was no schedule in place it was all at his convenience.

But the mother of the youngest two has asked him to look after the kids on Wednesday as she is taking evening classes.

He has already asked DP and as DP works 12 hour shifts he declined as it would be too much/ exhausting for him in addition to helping me look after our own DC and help with chores etc.

DP says as I work from home at hours to suit me he didn't think I would mind and plus it would give DC a chance to get to know their cousins.

It really is a case of DP just wants to please his brother and maintain a relationship with him.

I have reminded him that I don't even know his brother, he has never made the effort to get to know me and I find him very strange in the fact that he expects me to help him when he has never made me feel welcome in the family or even feel like family.

I told DP that if he can't even commit to 1 evening to look after his own kids even for 1 evening he has serious problems.

I wouldn't mind helping if there had been effort made on his part and I had met the kids but the fact he has excluded me for years upsets me.
I feel sorry for his DC to be honest.

DP's brother was hoping for me to babysit every Wednesday whilst the mother was at her evening class.

They’re both cheeky bastards.

Holy shit this is bad. So bad. Stop apologizing and saying you would do it if he had been nice to you ir made an effort over the last ten years. His failure to plan is not your crisis. His ex has asked him to do the bare minimum parenting his youngest children midweek—no one should be helping him evade that responsibility. Even if he had been charming to you he still shouldn’t be allowed to offload his parenting duties.

Just tell your “oh” or “dp”

Like fuck will I look after your brother’s kids. Don’t ever bring it up again.

So the brother asked your DP, your DP said no but then VOLUNTEERED YOU for the role?? Fuck me, I'd be furious at DP.

Your DP is totally out of order. How dare he.

ETA It's only caused an argument as your DP has very likely already offered you up as a solution, and now you've said no, he'll look a right twat to his brother. Good! But that's why your DP is unhappy. How dare he use you as a solution for his brother's childcare needs without so much as discussing it with you beforehand!

Let me get this straight.

Your partner voluntold you for babysitting to make nice with his bro who can't be bothered to look after a couple of his kids for an evening.

Your partner works so he will be too tired to watch them plus he helps you with the kids evening routines.

And your partner has the nerve to be mad at you?

Oh, hon. You would be within your rights to go off on your partner here. This is some blatant sexist misogyny and ratsass parenting on bro's part.

His brother needs to look after his own kids. Your partner does not voluntell you for anything to do with his family. His family who can't be bothered with you, he does the work.He can get the cousins together on your time off of it's such a big deal for him.

What does he think will happen with your kids on this lovely evening? Did he even think how disruptive this would be, watching 2 kids you don't even know in the evening when you're trying to get kids fed and then wind things down? He "helps" with his? Well he can help bro's or shut this bullshit down.

Does he not get how unreasonable this is? Does he not get his bro is a loser parent who can't be bothered with his own kids? There is no way you should be picking up bro's parenting fails. This is so egregiously exploitative and outrageous.

Adding, you've got a real partner problem here.

Oh, gosh. That guy has a messed up life. Definitely don't give him the opportunity to go clubbing and meet someone and have more kids he won't look after!

so your supposed to look after your own 16 month old, 3 yr old and their 2 and 4 year old in an evening? At your house? So presumably doing dinner and bedtime for 4 under 5s? I’ve got a 6 month and 3 yr old and I get a nanny to help me when my DP can’t be around. No way in hell would I be looking after any more unless a close friend or relative had an emergency. Your DP & his brother are taking oiss. And would the mother want this? Kids farmed out. Ridiculous

Why is the children's father going out clubbing when it's his turn to look after (some of) his children? Surely he has enough experience of fatherhood, even part time, to know that that lifestyle is not compatible with being a parent to young children?

My guess is bro has NEVER stuck around long enough to experience being a parent to a single one of those 6 children.

Like fuck would I have his two youngest kids during the one day a week he's expected to have them. He's a walking waste of flesh.

Tell your partner he can babysit if he wants but not in your house. Don't tempt the cheeky fucker to pull the dump and run tactical manoeuvre.

SIX kids with multiple women?! Yeah, his clubbing days need to be over, tbh. Time to grow up and focus on his kids. (Is he actually supporting all of them financially? How does he have money left over for clubbing? He's obviously not heavily involved in being a father or he wouldn't have time and energy for nights out at the club, let alone the cash!)

Your partner is being completely unreasonable to even ask, and yes, it does very much sound like he's trying to keep his brother happy. That's sad for him, if his brother is such a selfish user that he won't maintain the relationship if he doesn't get his way, but their relationship isn't based on anything real if this is enough to end it.

@zozooo YADNBU! What reasonable person would expect a mother of 16 month and 3 month old babies to look after their toddler and preschool aged child? The answer is none. No reasonable person would expect that. Not even if there was a close relationship with them and their children.

If your kids were older and didn’t need you to be so hands on, had independence skills, then it wouldn’t be such an unreasonable request. But, toddlers still need a lot of help, supervision, nappies/toilet training and have less independence skills then preschool or primary school aged children do. So, caring for his 2 year old and 4 year old will absolutely impact on your ability to meet the needs of your 3 month old and 16 month old. And impact on your needs too. You are allowed to meet your needs and to look after yourself.

It is absolutely ludicrous that anyone would expect that of you.

In nurseries in the UK the child staff ratio for under 2’s is 1 staff to 3 children. And (if like childcare in Australia) that would include part thereof. Meaning that if you have 2 children under 2 then you could only have 1 additional child regardless of their age if you only have 1staff member. Otherwise you would have to have additional staff.

He can hire a babysitter or a nanny. And your husband should be supportive of you.