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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to babysit partner's nephews?

122 replies

zozooo · 19/02/2025 18:36

Me and OH have 2 kids ranging from a 16 month old and a 3 month old.

The family dynamics in OH side is very unusual to say the least.
OH says himself "it's a cold family" as in they don't really see each other or do family events etc.

Anyway he is close to 1 of his siblings and this sibling has multiple children with various people.
I find the sibling very strange in the fact that they have not attempted to make any kind of effort with me in the decade that I have been with OH.
I have maybe met them a handful of times.

Anyway the sibling has young children who are 2 and 4 and has now asked OH to ask me to babysit.

I find this quite rude and cheeky seeing as I have never even met these kids before (OH had met them a handful of times).

I am very fortunate that I work from home and hours that suit me and I can be at home with the kids, we have recently moved to a larger property so obviously this sibling expects us me to baby sit frequently and do sleeps overs so that they can go out clubbing.

I have told OH I'm not doing that as it's like using someone.

Baring in mind this sibling has only seen out kids two times, doesn't really make the effort.

OH has gone out of his way to see his nephews but isn't reciprocated by the sibling.

Of course I want my kids to have a relationship with their cousins but I think this sibling needs to make more of an effort.

I has told OH if he wants to babysit he can but not to expect me to get involved.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Danikm151 · 19/02/2025 18:39

Babysitting children that don’t really know you is hard enough!

cousin sleepovers when older is a different matter as that will be their choice but the fact that they asked your partner and not you directly to babysit means they’re taking the piss.

SevernWonders · 19/02/2025 18:40

Yeah your in law is a cheeky fucker. Different if they had made an effort.

toomuchfaff · 19/02/2025 18:42

has now asked OH to ask me to babysit.

No YANBU. Absolute CF behaviour

Exactly the right response.

If OH wants to babysit, that's fine, you're not willing to babysit. Doesn’t even have the decency to ask you personally, instead uses OH as a go-between.

toomuchfaff · 19/02/2025 18:43

And don't let OH say yeah, and then lump you with the task.

If OH agrees, then make plans out the house and let them do it. Make it abundantly clear you're not the defacto sitter because you wfh.

OneFineDay13 · 19/02/2025 18:54

completely agree with you OP. Imagine asking someone even if they are family to babysit when you have your own very young children . Selfish boot

DaringLion · 19/02/2025 18:58

Your DH can look after them at her house if he wants to ,your right in saying no

arcticpandas · 19/02/2025 19:13

Don't babysit. The sibling already have young children with different fathers, she needs to get her priorities right and focus on her existing children instead making new ones with yet another father. And all these "fathers" are absent I take it since she wants you to babysit.

Sassybooklover · 19/02/2025 19:21

I'm not really sure why your SIL would ask you to babysit two very young children, who barely know you. She's either desperate or doesn't particularly care. I can't imagine children of that age being happy or comfortable around two adults that they aren't overly familiar with!! In all honesty it should be your partner looking after the children, not you. You have even younger children to look after! It's down to your partner to talk to his sister, rather than you.

SheilaFentiman · 19/02/2025 19:27

so obviously this sibling expects usme to baby sit frequently and do sleeps overs so that they can go out clubbing.

That is quite the leap from one request to babysit. But yanbu to say no.

Original poster

zozooo · 19/02/2025 20:51

So it's DP's brother, he doesn't live with any of his kids and looks after his kids on different days so apparently he gets very tired driving up and down and has said it would help him massively if I could babysit once a week or so.

This is what DP has just told me.
I am speechless, I have no relationship with him at all, the last time I actually had a conversation with him was in 2022.

I wasn't even invited to any of his youngest kids baby showers but mutual friends partner's girlfriends were (despite not knowing the mothers) so I don't see why I should do him any favours at all considering how he has treated me.

I have just told OH again under no circumstances will I babysit his nephews and it's caused a massive argument.

OP posts:

goodnightssleepbenice · 19/02/2025 20:58

So he wants a babysitter on what is his contact time with the 2 and 4 year old ? Regardless he is a cheeky git asking you to babysit every week !!

MumChp · 19/02/2025 21:01

I would expect DH to babysit these kids. Not my job.

SheilaFentiman · 19/02/2025 21:01

You have an OH problem here too.

Even if his brother was amazing, going from your own two under 2 to looking after four under 4 is a huge ask!

SheilaFentiman · 19/02/2025 21:02

DH can take the 16 month old over and then he and DBro can look after all 3 and hang out, whilst you have a semi restful time with your baby…?

ThejoyofNC · 19/02/2025 21:04

All other information is irrelevant. Someone who wants you to babysit their children but can't even be bothered to ask you directly deserves absolutely nothing. I wouldn't do it on that basis alone.

outerspacepotato · 19/02/2025 21:08

You're not good enough for your OH's sib to have anything to do with for 10 years but you're good enough to watch his kids? And this is supposed to be his time with his kids that he's putting off onto someone else because he's a shit dad who can't be bothered?

😆Fuck. That. Noise.

Plus, working from home means working. You are not available to babysit, especially kids of somebody who hasn't put in any effort in 10 freaking years.

And your husband's mad at you? WTF. This is a huge ask even from a friend. They've got a lotta fucking nerve.

They're both being giant assholes.

FartyPants9 · 19/02/2025 21:08

It's interesting how OP initially used 'sibling' and 'they' yet several posters assumed the sibling was a woman.

Sexist much?

Rainbowqueeen · 19/02/2025 21:09

Just say no.

He's a lazy dickhead who doesn't want to parent his own DC and sees parenting as women's work. He also doesn't care how tired you might be, what with your own DC that you have living with you full time or that his contact time is for him to spend with his DC, not to offload that responsibility but still take the reduction in child support.

Your OH can do what he likes but I would not be involved at all.

WhyDidPunxutawneyPhilHaveToSeeHisShadow · 19/02/2025 21:12

FartyPants9 · 19/02/2025 21:08

It's interesting how OP initially used 'sibling' and 'they' yet several posters assumed the sibling was a woman.

Sexist much?

I assumed bloke. Interesting though.

Maboscelar · 19/02/2025 21:14

FartyPants9 · 19/02/2025 21:08

It's interesting how OP initially used 'sibling' and 'they' yet several posters assumed the sibling was a woman.

Sexist much?

I assumed man, interestingly

Rhaidimiddim · 19/02/2025 21:14

zozooo · 19/02/2025 20:51

This is what DP has just told me.
I am speechless, I have no relationship with him at all, the last time I actually had a conversation with him was in 2022.

I have just told OH again under no circumstances will I babysit his nephews and it's caused a massive argument.

So this sperm donor has identified (a) a woman who has (b) her own children and (c) time when she's not working. when she looks after them. And thinks, she's looking after kids anyway, it won't hurt her to look after mine, too. She's a woman, it's what they do.

You see that attitude all the time on the step-parenting board, where stepmums get a pasting for not stepping up.

I'd be more concerned about your partner's attitude - his brother is being immensely CF, but your partner really doesn't see it?!

thepariscrimefiles · 19/02/2025 21:30

zozooo · 19/02/2025 20:51

This is what DP has just told me.
I am speechless, I have no relationship with him at all, the last time I actually had a conversation with him was in 2022.

I have just told OH again under no circumstances will I babysit his nephews and it's caused a massive argument.

Of course you should say no! Why on earth is he expecting you to do the babysitting when you hardly know him and last spoke to him over 2 years ago?

Why is your OH so angry that you said no? He can do it if he wants as they are his nieces/nephews and he actually has a relationship with his brother, which you don't.

Hibernatingtilspring · 19/02/2025 21:32

Is the massive argument between your DH and his brother (fine) or between you and DH? If the latter that's definitely not on! Do they think that childcare is women's work or something? Because the only possible reason they've picked you is presumably because you're a) female and b) related so they assume it's some sort of duty??

PullTheBricksDown · 19/02/2025 21:32

MumChp · 19/02/2025 21:01

I would expect DH to babysit these kids. Not my job.

This, why is he asking you?

KarmenPQZ · 19/02/2025 21:35

If you don’t have much of a relationship with him then it’s got to somehow be mutually beneficial. So say to him great so when can you look after our kids.

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