Is it really that common to be a grandparent in your late 40s?

[AntiHop]

A few times recently, people have made the incorrect assumption that my 3 year old dd is my grandchild. I'm 47.

This really surprises me, as in my social group, and my family, no one has become a grandparent at that age. Not a single one of my friends had their kids in their 20s. (I have met people who've had kids in their 20s since becoming a parent myself.)

I definitely don't look older than I am. I'm lucky that my skin is doing well. If you lined me up with the friends of my age, you'd guess we are all 47ish. Perhaps people perceive me we older as so many people have cosmetic procedures now, changing the perception of what someone looks like at my age?

I do appreciate that I'm an older mum. Of the friends I grew up with, several of them had babies after my three year old was born.

This is nor meant to be a debate about the rights and wrongs of being an older mum. I'm just curious to know - if you saw a 47 year old with a 3 year old, would you assume that's the grandmother without it crossing your mind that she could be the mother?

Makes them feel good.

Imagine if younger parents started a thread about how since more women in late 30’s to 40’s are now having babies there increase in disabilities in children and mental health issues has sky rocketed. Not their children or any they know ever however still.

Despite the age related links of the affects of older parents on their offspring due to age at conception…

It is relatively common where I am, my own mum was a grandparent in her 40s, I don't know any mums around here who have had kids in their 40s, that would be much more unusual than a grandparent in her 40s (although would think 50s is more average for grandparents here). It always surprises me how prolific late motherhood is on here vs my own experience.

I think it helps being a more affordable area.

And no, we are not chavs as I know MN loves to insinuate. University educated, home owners, high rate tax payers, in my case I just happened to meet my husband young and didn't want to leave it later to have children, quite similar circumstances amongst my family and friends who also had children younger and made parents grandparents in their 40s.

I'm 46 and there's no way I would assume someone my age was a grandparent but my dm was 20 when she had me so she became a grandparent at 50 and I do remember thinking that whilst she looked young for grandparent I certainly didn't have any Mum friends in her age bracket. Being an older mother has become more common but I would imagine people aren't quite sure which way to go at your age.

I think if I saw somebody who was obviously mid to late 40s with a very young pre school child I’d tend to assume granny not mum as that is way more likely to be the case . If the child were older so 7+ I’d probably make the opposite assumption.

I was 42 when I became a grandmother.

No one ever thought I was nothing but her grandmother probably because I have shocking white hair. I'm 54 now.

However, whenever I see a young child, I assume the accompanying adult is the parent. Unless it's obvious, like me with the white hair, that they're older.

I think it depends on the age/personal experience of the person eg I had my kids in my 30s, am about your age, and in my head I’m still a mum of two young children, so without thinking v much I would assume you’re the parent. If I’d had my kids younger and I was now a grandparent, without much thinking I might presume you are the grandparent. Both are possible.

Its really not that shocking all this talk on this thread of "only in deprived areas" and other such bullshit 🙄 I'm an actual young mum and if my child had a child at the same age I had them I'd be a grandmother in my early 30s.
So how is late 40s that shocking. Its the equivalent of two generations having a child at 23. What's so unreasonable and "deprived" about that

I’m 49 and have one friend a GP
my son is 29 so I could be one but am not thankfully.

if I met you I would probably wait to be told what your relationship is, I wouldn’t feel confident assuming mother.

If you look 50 I might assume grandparent.

The average age to become a grandparent in the UK is 63 apparently. I recently assumed a lady with a child at a local soft play was the child's mum but she was actually grandmother and 47. She was quite flattered 😊

My Grandaughter is 6 next month. I am 54 and I often get mistaken for her Mum. (I am told I look young for my age by friends and family).

If I am unsure when I am out and about of others, I always default to "Mum" or "Dad" and not assume grandparent, so as not to inadvertently offend.

I know two people who became grandparents around the age of 39 and interestingly, both then became parents again so their child is an uncle/aunt to a niece/nephew who is younger than they are.

I know only a few people in their 40's who are parents to very young dc. I know a lot of grandparents in their 40's and 50's.

My sil had her last child at 45 and became a grandparent 2 years later. DH brother became a grandparent in his late 30's.

I know quite a few people who were grandparents in their late 30s, never mind 40s and none of them were schoolgirl mothers either.

I would think over the whole country it is more common to be a grandmother at 44 than the mother of a newborn.

I reckon it's probably more common to be a grandma at 47 than it is to have a 3 year old child to be honest.

It's not that it's 'deprived' but for a lot of women it would be basically straight out of uni, and that's assuming you're doing a standard bachelor's degree rather having any plans to do any further training or education - most professions require further qualifications of some sort or another. It's extremely early to take time out of establishing a career and it also, if you don't have local family support, nursery costs are a barrier to returning to work as they can and do cost the equivalent of your entire take home pay on an entry level salary in many places.

I'm not saying that people don't succeed as young parents - far from it. But having children young puts a lot of barriers in to being able to progress in a paid environment.

I know quite a few people who became grandparents in their 40s.
But then there are also loads of much older parents at my kids primary school, who I mistakenly assumed were grandparents.

Most people aren't working out your exact age, they're just guesstimating a bracket. They probably see you as "around 50" and that is old to have a 3 year old.

None of my friends have had kids young enough that their parents are grandparents at 47, but I also don't know anyone who had a child in their mid 40s. Most people I know had them at 30-35. If people think you're around 50, you're not the right age to be either parent or grandparent but you are closer to (a very young) grandparent.

(I don't think I've ever met a woman who doesn't claim they look good for their age or younger and it's hit and miss whether it's actually true so I'm taking you with a pinch of salt there).

Biologicaly speaking, by the age of 35, pregnant women are deemed by the NHS to be geriatric. So whilst it might be common, I don't think it's what what the majority of the public see as the 'norm'.

All my friends are aged 58 to 64 and only 1 is a grandmother.
Dh is 67 and has 3 under 7. His siblings were grandparents in their early 50s.

I agree. Probably wouldn't be thinking that hard about it. I'd say you were a mum to be polite. I'm 46 and would feel very old to be parent to a 3yo. Good luck to you but it's definitely on the older end of motherhood.

I was asked if I was "granny" when taking my dc to pre school. I was 39, and not especially old looking! Clearly older than the early 20s mums I suppose.

I'd err on the side of caution and say mum so as not to offend, but in reality I'd say it's more common to be a nanna of a toddler in your 40s than a mum in my experience

I would assume you were the child’s mother.

I think it’s a bit of a class thing tbh. Middle class women tend to have babies later as often focusing on their education & then careers in their 20s & 30s.

My DM had me at 22, and I had DD1 at 27, so she was 49 when she became a Grandparent. I have one other friend with parents a similar age who had a baby before me, but other than that, most of my friends waited until they were in their mid 30's before having children. Conversely, my closest friend had her 2 DC at 42 and 44, and her DM was 82 when the first of those was born!

I had a friend at school who had a baby at 16, and her DM was only 30, having given birth to my friend at 14 - incredibly, my friend also had an older sister who their DM had given birth to at 13!