Is it really that common to be a grandparent in your late 40s?

[AntiHop]

A few times recently, people have made the incorrect assumption that my 3 year old dd is my grandchild. I'm 47.

This really surprises me, as in my social group, and my family, no one has become a grandparent at that age. Not a single one of my friends had their kids in their 20s. (I have met people who've had kids in their 20s since becoming a parent myself.)

I definitely don't look older than I am. I'm lucky that my skin is doing well. If you lined me up with the friends of my age, you'd guess we are all 47ish. Perhaps people perceive me we older as so many people have cosmetic procedures now, changing the perception of what someone looks like at my age?

I do appreciate that I'm an older mum. Of the friends I grew up with, several of them had babies after my three year old was born.

This is nor meant to be a debate about the rights and wrongs of being an older mum. I'm just curious to know - if you saw a 47 year old with a 3 year old, would you assume that's the grandmother without it crossing your mind that she could be the mother?

I wouldn't assume anything about anyone with a child. But there is nothing unusual about being a grandmother in your late 40s. My gran was 23 when she had my aunt. My aunt was 24 when she had her first child.

I totally agree. That combined with “yes all those poor people in the next town along have children by their 15th birthday” type responses. Biggest eye roll ever.

Not so much now no because increased financial independence, better career prospects, cost of housing etc has all meant that a lot of women work far longer before having children than they used to. But in the days when it was doable to buy a house on one workers wage and have a SAHM without too much of a stretch, and most women were pretty much limited to nurse, teacher or secretary job wise, yes it was the norm.

I would say up until the late 90's it was very common.

As I mentioned on the thread about having a baby at 45, my grandmother was married with her first child at 20, my mother at 22 and both her sisters by 25.

Mid 40s we still have friends trying for their first. Most reached a comfortable position in their careers late 30s and started to settle down from then.

I’m not sure why it really surprises you because yes, there are people who are grandparents in their late 40s. My DD is a similar age to your child and my parents are in their late 40s. They had me young and I’ve had my daughter young-ish by today’s standards. It’s not that uncommon around here.
I do think it’s poor form, however, to assume someone who could be either Mum or Grandma is Grandma. I’d always say Mum and prefer to be corrected if I’m wrong.

My husband became a grandad at 44 (by my oldest stepson) His parents grandparents at 39! My husband is now 53 and we are having a baby so God knows if people will think he's grandad

Well of course there is.

I have been amused by the posters who think they have found diplomatic ways of saying, "Ugh no, I don't associate with common or poor people so I don't know anyone like that.", in response.

Reeled right in.

Yep.

Same way a woman I know became a grandmother at 31 I guess, she had her DD at 16 and her DD had a baby at 15. Sad though.

ETA if they were all 14 when they had their babies, that would explain it.

In my social group nobody had children until their mid 30s. And often not until their 40s. Mid 20s to mid 30s was seen as the time to build a career.

if you saw a 47 year old with a 3 year old, would you assume that's the grandmother without it crossing your mind that she could be the mother?

Not necessarily, no. I'm a grandmother at 46, but technically a step-grandmother as it's DSD's child. DSD is 32 (DGD is 2), and DH is 50. But had DSD when he was 18. I was 24 and 28 when I had my dds.

A lot of the women I went to school with are grandmothers several times over. My parents were grandparents at 46, when I had dd1. I think it's much more common for people to become parents later nowadays.

@Hwi

Thank you for writing this - the world has gone mad - 'age is just a number', 'I feel my best now I am in my 60s' and suchlike trash. We face a real crisis in Western Europe because of such attitudes.

Why would we face a crisis because people in their 60s feel better than they have done historically? Would you want people rushing to age as soon as they can? Isn't better healthcare and longevity a good thing?

How does people aging earlier benefit society? Your post doesn't make much sense. You're obviously being deliberately provocative and I get that you have a problem with older mothers which is your right, but you don't seem to have thought this through. Having children younger is one thing but it doesn't follow from that that people aging prematurely is a good thing....

Idk if someone else has said this but according to ONS the average age to become a parent is 30 and grandparent is 63.

I know about six people who became grandparents in their 40s, some even in their 30s! (although I appreciate that’s very uncommon). A lot of people I know have children in their 20s and their parents had them in their 20s also

I think it depends where you live? I'm 53. None of my friends in their late 40s or early 50s are grandmothers. The only friend I have who is a grandmother is 58, though I think she was 57 when he was born. I do know a number of people who had children in their early 40s. And one who was 50! (ivf).

On the other hand my mother became a grandmother at 48 and her own mother was slightly younger.

They all had kids as young teens.

I was 52 when I became a Nana (said amazing little man is currently sat on my lap watching Cars for the 654366th time. I think I'm about average for around here.

I think we might know the same person!

I wouldn't assume anything as you could be either.

Ii was an Aunty at 14 and always had the assumption of being big sister. Only once did someone suggest baby was mine.

It would be unusual round here.

If dd1 had had a baby at the same age as me, then I would have been a grandmother at about that age. But some of my friends of similar age still had infant school age children.

Edited to add:
People also want to be tactful so may be more inclined to say "mummy" out loud when they think "almost certainly granny". I certainly have!

I think I'd assume you are the mum, but obvs either case could be true.

I remember a kid asking if I was my 3 year olds mum or gran, I was 41 and a bit taken aback. But then the kid ran to his family and I could see his parents were very young - so fair enough that's his "normal".

I try to avoid assuming anything when it comes to these things, I've nearly got into embarrassing situations when the father of the child has been way older than the mother and Ive been VERY relieved that I didn't assume he was grandpa.

I would assume that 47 year old grandmas of toddlers are more common than 47 year old mums of toddlers, so I would probably make the same assumption. I've worked with lots of women who were grandmas in their 40s though so that probably skews my view.

My grandparents became grandparents in their 40s, my mum became a grandma in her late forties due to my sister having a child. So not unusual but on the younger side of normal I'd say.

I find some of the responses here bizarre. Being in your 20’s is “barely adult”, really?

I don’t think that drastic infantilisation is helpful to society, really. People in their 20’s are very much adults, even if many do opt for a sort of extended adolescence, many more do in fact have children and parent them well. Even building careers at the same time!

I used to get mistaken for my children’s sister. it works both ways.