Is it really that common to be a grandparent in your late 40s?

[AntiHop]

A few times recently, people have made the incorrect assumption that my 3 year old dd is my grandchild. I'm 47.

This really surprises me, as in my social group, and my family, no one has become a grandparent at that age. Not a single one of my friends had their kids in their 20s. (I have met people who've had kids in their 20s since becoming a parent myself.)

I definitely don't look older than I am. I'm lucky that my skin is doing well. If you lined me up with the friends of my age, you'd guess we are all 47ish. Perhaps people perceive me we older as so many people have cosmetic procedures now, changing the perception of what someone looks like at my age?

I do appreciate that I'm an older mum. Of the friends I grew up with, several of them had babies after my three year old was born.

This is nor meant to be a debate about the rights and wrongs of being an older mum. I'm just curious to know - if you saw a 47 year old with a 3 year old, would you assume that's the grandmother without it crossing your mind that she could be the mother?

Most mothers have to give up their careers or put them on hold when they have children anyway if mumsnet considers a 23 year old mother "deprived" then I guess it truly is over for people like me who became mothers at 16.

These threads always have older mothers with superiority complexes making thinly veiled nasty comments about "deprived" etc such a nasty word / assumption to make. Usually disguised behind some caring "those poor peasants are too stupid to know how to live their life poor things" attitude but I've been on here long enough to see through it

Edited to say they love implying they're better than others for having children as old as possible "only people in deprived neighbourhoods have kids before their 30" " I don't know ANYONE I socialise with who reproduced before 30" etc etc. just a giant rush to show off how they consider it peasant behaviour that they have no interaction with because they are so superior 🙄

My Nan had two grandchildren aged 7 and 4 when she was your age.

My cousin was a grandma before 40. My own mum won’t likely see her grandchildren as she’s 67 now.

I think it’s 47 is a perfectly normal age to be a grandmother. Not young or old.

Honestly I would probably assume you were the grandmother

it isn't common! We have data on this (https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/livebirths/datasets/birthsbyparentscharacteristics) only 4% of mothers are aged over 40 when they have a child.

As to the OP's question, I wouldn't make any assumptions but statistically, the grandmother assumption would be more likely to be correct than the mother assumption as nearly a quarter of mothers are under 25 so a woman of around 50 is about twice as likely to be a grandmother than a mother of a small child.

It really does depend on how someone looks. I had my children in my early forties and there was no way anyone would have mistaken me for their grandmother as I did look a lot younger. I’m now in my sixties (not so young looking now lol) and none of my friends are grandparents, not even those who had children a decade before me.

Quite possibly!

Where I am I'd assume mum. I'd say grandparents are 65ish or above here.

I have a three year old and grandparents are late 60s - mid 70s.

I really wouldn't take it to heart. In the same week recently I had someone ID me at the food shop for looking under 25 and then the doctors receptionist assume I wanted access to an adult child's medical records (not three year old DD standing next to me!). I hope I don't look old enough to have an adult child 😂

I think it is very closely linked to career progression. If you work in senior professional roles earning big six figure salaries literally nobody would consider you were a GP in your 40’s as it would be almost impossible.

I know barely anyone who had a child before 35 and most first time GP are 65+. In fact it is more likely the GP are deceased before the GC is born than they are in their 40’s. I’m struggling to think of any DC who had all 4 GP alive when they were born.

46 with a 6 month old grandchild here!
Left school at 16, straight into full-time work, married with a house and child before my 21st birthday.

I think if I had had a career I would have had children later.

I don’t think it’s that unusual for someone to have grandchildren in their late forties. I had a child in my twenties as have quite a few people in my family. When I’m 47 my son will be 22 so there’s a chance I may be a grandmother by then.

I knew someone that became a grandad at 32. Now that I cannot imagine at all!

I know a woman who became a granny at 36. Both had kids at 18.

Life cannot be predicted.

My SIL ended up colouring her grey hair (all family go grey early) because people thought she was her DD's GM. Her DD was born days before her 40th birthday, but she didn't get married until she was 39.

My 60 year old friend has just become a great GM making her DM, who is in her early 80s, a great great GM.

It’s not that common to become a grandmother at 44, but statistically it’s a pretty uncommon age to become a mother too. Looking at age specific birth rate data I’d hazard a guess both have a pretty similar likelihood.
Level of education, deprivation and region are all related to what age women have their kids so people tend to think their own situation is more ‘normal’.
I’m a 34 year old GP and meet some patients younger than me who are grandmothers - and I thought I was a young mum compared to my uni friends!

I’m 48, if I saw a woman of a similar age with a 3 year old I would be grateful that I haven’t got a 3 year old and that I don’t have a grandchild.

I don't know anyone personally who became a grandmother before 50 and, at 62 only have one friend who is a grandmother.

Are you suggesting it is purely random who gets pregnant at 18? I’m not sure that’s the case.

These days is hard to tell. Any toddler groups i go to i just make no assumption. Because sometimes I really am not sure if it's the mother or not. 🙈🤣 I'm an older mum but I don't think i look old. In the way I am etc. But on saying that- I've a cousin my age who looks no older than me. And she is a grandma and is about to be for a 2nd time! 🤷‍♀️

I've been in the exact same position as you OP. I was 42 when my youngest was born. When she was about 4 two women at an adjacent cafe table, who had very obviously been talking about us in another language started asking me about my " grand child".
The consensus is generally that I look younger than I actually am( I definitely don't like older) and I found this quite funny. Their extreme shocked reaction said alot more about then than me when I explained no, she was my child. Of course it's possible to be a grandparent at that age but I'm the UK, certainly in London it's not common. I know someone from Romania who equally finds it hard to comprehend I'm " so old" and have a young child so I think in other countries and cultures it's probably common to be a grandparent at my age.
People are also strange though and my oldest son is commonly 'mistaken' for being my partner and daughters father- he definitely doesn't look that old - he's just tall. I think lots of people don't really look at other people and think about it when they speak.
Biologically it could be possible that he could be a father and me a grandmother but looking at the overall picture it's not likely, especially in the area where we live. I know a lot of mums of young children in their 40s, a lot of who only have one child so i assume the person questioning you was either being deliberately rude it is just very narrow minded.
In answer to your question OP, I'd assume you were the mother and would be quite surprised if I found out you were the grandmother.

@AntiHop I had this when I was 38 and pushing my two around in a double buggy. "Taking the grand kids out for the day are you?" I think I was asked.
People are a) stupid b) set in their ways c) not always firing on all cylinders d) have bad eye sight and e) make all kids of wild assumptions.

My mum had some of us kids in her 40s and dealt with the same. She just smiled and kept walking. I tried to do the same, but it can be annoying.

My dad was early fifties when he became a grandfather to ds. One grandma was late forties when I was born, the other early fifties. One of them was 34 when she became a grandma to my cousin! 😳

It isn’t common to have a baby at 44 but having said that, it’s very rude for people to ask or presume you’re a grandma.

I’m 27 with 2 dc but I look a lot older. None of my friends of similar age have had dc yet.

It was a bit different 20 - 30 years ago. I'm 48 and almost all my close female friends from that time, including me, juggled studying, training and early careers with pregnancy and small children.

I think it was just about do-able back then due to lower housing costs, more grandparent help (because they could retire or work p/t earlier) and the cost of being a student wasn't as high.

It would be much harder, if not impossible, for women/couples in their 20s now.

I had a lady who used to clean for me years ago. She had two grandchildren and was 37.

I made my mum a nan in her 30s. If I saw a 47 year old with a 3 year old I'd assume that you was the grandmother. But where I live most people have kids in their teens and 20s.

I think it’s a 50/50 thing of mum or grandmother. It perhaps depends on area. London for example has more women over 40 having their first child than other places. In deprived areas, statistically the age a woman has her first child tends to be lower.