Is it really that common to be a grandparent in your late 40s?

[AntiHop]

A few times recently, people have made the incorrect assumption that my 3 year old dd is my grandchild. I'm 47.

This really surprises me, as in my social group, and my family, no one has become a grandparent at that age. Not a single one of my friends had their kids in their 20s. (I have met people who've had kids in their 20s since becoming a parent myself.)

I definitely don't look older than I am. I'm lucky that my skin is doing well. If you lined me up with the friends of my age, you'd guess we are all 47ish. Perhaps people perceive me we older as so many people have cosmetic procedures now, changing the perception of what someone looks like at my age?

I do appreciate that I'm an older mum. Of the friends I grew up with, several of them had babies after my three year old was born.

This is nor meant to be a debate about the rights and wrongs of being an older mum. I'm just curious to know - if you saw a 47 year old with a 3 year old, would you assume that's the grandmother without it crossing your mind that she could be the mother?

I think that overall there will be more 47 year old grans to toddlers than 47 year old mums to toddlers.
Simply because it only requires a woman to get pregnant at around 22 and her child also have a child at around 22. Nothing that exceptional!

I'm a 50 year old with a 3 year old child. I've been doing my family tree and nobody in our family had kids much before 40. Makes it very easy to get back a couple of centuries.

As such, I've always expected grannies to be like the traditional children's book illustration, grey bun and glasses perched in the end of the nose sort of thing. When I see someone in a mini skirt with a botox pout being described as Nan it never adds up to me. I guess it's just your own background that influences these things.

@FKAT Large student loans and the COL will probably keep pushing parental ages up, I imagine. Even middle-aged DH and I had to pay off loans but it’s worse now

Plus I don’t think that the average 24 year old graduate would be earning enough for a mortgage nowadays as prices are so high (unless their parents gave them a huge deposit).

My mother was 47 when I had my first child.

@Scrubberdubber I personally don't care all that much when women decide to have children, I understand that there all all kind of factors that can affect when people become mothers. However, I agree that there is an air of smugness on this thread from older mothers, but it really is unfounded. Many women that have children later in life will struggle to conceive and run the risk of complications. If their children follow their path and have children in their 40's, there's a chance they won't even get to be grandparents. Plus, I can't begin to fathom how knackered they are. It's really not all it's cracked up to be, don't let them bother you.

I became a grandparent at 44. So people assumed I was her mother!

personally no!
my parents became grandparents at 43/45 however they were young parents! My in-laws are the same age as my grandparents.

Yes, I think this is the core of it.

I don’t know anyone who had a baby at the age you did OP, my lot were all in our late twenties and early thirties.

I do have one friend who had her first aged 23 and she became a grandmother aged 49.

Some of the attitudes of the older mum camp on here are not nice. Defensive maybe... haha.

The pp who said grans in their 40s with their botox pout etc. Talk about stereotyping.

My family (parents, me, dh and children old enough) are all degree educated with well paid jobs and nice houses. Some posters on here make it sound if anyone reproduce under the age of 30 they must be living on the Shamless set and queueing for their job seekers allowance.

Being mistaken for the grandma of their children must be pissing them off and it shows.

I work in a shop, and if I’m not sure I’ll usually just say “your grown up” when speaking to young dc. I’d say you’re an age where it’s 50/50 though, and probably demographic dependent (where I grew up you’d be more likely to be mum, where I live now it would skew towards grandma). I’m younger than you though and have adult children!
(Edited for typo).

Honestly yes, I'd assume a mid forties+ looking woman with a toddler was grandma.
Quite a few of my school peers started having their kids in the late teens immediately after school, one was pregnant before we finished. If their parents had them in the early to mid 20's quite a few of them would have been grandparents in their early to mid 40's.

I know women are having successful pregnancies later in life now, especially if cost of living etc is pushing back the age they start trying for a baby, but i still think on average a mid to late 40's woman with a toddler is more likely to be grandma than mum. I'd never ask or call her grandma etc though.

I am turning 50 and don’t know anyone my age who is grandparent. A couple of people have small kids but most have teens so we all fall somewhere in the middle. Of course a lot of my peers don’t have kids at all. My MIL was a grandparent at my age but I don’t feel I am possibly old enough to be a grandparent since in my head I am only 30

I mean if they think nans at 40 have Botox pout… but then are being accused of being the very nan:..

Older parents are always ready to shit on younger parents let face it. I waited till I owned a house, till I traveled the world… cool some parents will be travelling the world in their 40’s while their now adult children do what ever way with their lives.

Id rather be 50 with grand kids than 50
with a toddler or teen.

I agree. I don't care when people have children, it's their choice but bloody hell some of the posters on here.

I'd rather have grandchildren at 50 than small children. I'm 42 and can barely cope with our kitten getting us up in the night let alone a newborn. Absolutely shattered!

I think you're talking about my post. I didn't say you couldn't have botox and a degree. I also sterotyped old grandmas, grey buns etc.

In my family everyone, for at least the last 4 generations, has had children around 40+ so that's what I'm used to. I don't get mistaken for my child's grandmother, neither did my mum when I was a child, so no defensiveness. A 40 something isn't the thought that springs to my mind about what a granny is, and that's because of my background.

Really, each to their own. Some of my friends had kids young, some older. Usually it happened at the right time for them. It did for me, I'm a better parent now than I'd have been in my 20s. I don't think it's an either or, parents can be good or bad at any age.

I would assume a 47 yo was a grandma. I don't know anyone who has had their first child in their 40s, I know 1 who had a 3rd in their 40s. Most people I know have babies between 25-35 and I know a few who have had them in early 20s.

I always assume that anyone consciously waiting till their late 30s/40s to have babies must have snoozed through biology at school, it's hardly a marker of intelligence. Different of course if you don't meet the right person. But if you really want a family it's bonkers to wait till your 40s

I am 29 with a 3 year old, my mum is 59, my dad is 60 and my partners mum is not yet 50 so it is just different for everyone 🤷‍♀️

Why?

I know if several people that became grandparents in their late 40s. My own parents became grandparents at 47 (DM) and 49 (DDad) when my sister had her first.

My sister was 23 so younger than some of her friends by a couple of years. I then had my first at 27, having been to uni, got married, bought our first home and qualified in my profession by then. Most my friends are uni educated, owned their own homes, were married etc but still had their first child between 28-32 yrs old.

I'd say at 47 with a toddler I wouldn't want to assume either way. Could be the mother but could be the grandparent too. I'd never say anything and just wait until I heard the child refer to the person as Mummy or Nanny to figure it out!

Because the more you age the lower your chances of conception are, the higher the risks for disabilities are for the child and the higher rate of complications for mum. Just a few things.

Even being a younger mum yet dad being older is showing links to increase in autism.

Exactly. It's shocking people are throwing insults at "young" mums and implying we lack class, education, etc yet they don't even know the very basics about the impacts of age on fertility, pregnancy and birth complications and genetic issues

See @UndermyShoeJoe post. But surely this isn't a surprise to all these people who are so sure they are infinitely wiser and better than I am, merely because I had my baby at 29 not 39?

I know that's what we're told, but as previously stated, at least the last 4 generations of my family have had their children at 40+, no disability. My parents are near 90 and still living independently never having had serious illness. There's maybe an argument that it keeps you active and fitter having kids older.

So going on my own family, it works for us I guess. Friends with parents who had them in their 20s have died, had life limiting illnesses such as cancer etc. You really can't completely predict these things. I'm 50, healthy, not too knackered (anymore than the 30 somethings I know running around with toddlers) and my child is healthy and happy. It's not an either or. Do what's right for you.

Of course they grasp ‘the basics’. But it’s ridiculous to think that the statistical likelihood of conceiving easily and carrying a healthy child to term necessarily outweighs the advantages of being an older parent,