Is it really that common to be a grandparent in your late 40s?

[AntiHop]

A few times recently, people have made the incorrect assumption that my 3 year old dd is my grandchild. I'm 47.

This really surprises me, as in my social group, and my family, no one has become a grandparent at that age. Not a single one of my friends had their kids in their 20s. (I have met people who've had kids in their 20s since becoming a parent myself.)

I definitely don't look older than I am. I'm lucky that my skin is doing well. If you lined me up with the friends of my age, you'd guess we are all 47ish. Perhaps people perceive me we older as so many people have cosmetic procedures now, changing the perception of what someone looks like at my age?

I do appreciate that I'm an older mum. Of the friends I grew up with, several of them had babies after my three year old was born.

This is nor meant to be a debate about the rights and wrongs of being an older mum. I'm just curious to know - if you saw a 47 year old with a 3 year old, would you assume that's the grandmother without it crossing your mind that she could be the mother?

A woman I knew at my local bridge club had her third child at age 48

The poor child. Mum will be almost 70 when the child turns 21

I think there is a post earlier on from someone who knew a great grandma aged 39.

A random stranger asked me if my baby was mine as I have brown hair and my baby is blond. Some people say such weird (rude) stuff 🙄

And no 47 isn't obvious grandparent age! :)

Yes this happened to me, I had Dd at 42, mostly with shop assistants funnily enough, I remember one saying ooh lovely to have them for the weekend but lovely to give them back isn't it, I just said
She's mine actually' but as she grew my Dd would say ' she's not my grandma, shel's my mummy' she was very proud 😅

It's obviously unacceptable (and social services will/should have been involved at least) but it still happens. I know a 13 year old with a baby.

My neighbour had a baby at 45 and everyone assumes she's the grandmother.

I made my mum a grandma at 47.
She was 26 when she had me and I was 21 which is young. My eldest is 21 next month and I can't imagine him becoming a dad yet. I'd like to think I would be mistaken as the mum though. Haha.

There are social, economic and cultural factors that influence the age people have babies. People from lower income backgrounds with less access to education tend to have kids young.

40s is a funny age when it comes to children/grandchildren.

I'm 47 and have a 5 year old - I've never been mistaken for his grandmother.
One of my close friends became a grandmother at 41 - I don't think she'd get mistaken for his grandmother either 😆

In my 5 year olds class, there's some mothers who are late 30s/early 40s and others who are mid - late 20s (who could potentially be grandmothers in their mid 40s). So it's a mixed bag.

When I was 34 (before I'd had any of my children) I met a grandmother who was 34!

49 yr old here. Had DD at 24 yrs old, unplanned pregnancy. I've been mistaken for her older sister before. I'm very young looking!

I wouldn't assume anything these days. I have friends who have had their first children in their early 40s. It's like assuming overweight women are pregnant. I'd rather keep my mouth shut 🙊

Very common where I live. My best friend has 4 grandchildren, and she is 48 (became a grandmother aged 44). My other friend became a grandparent at 40. A few of my work colleagues also have grandchildren, and they are also in their 40s. I choose to have my kids in my 20s. My youngest was born when I ws 29.

Sounds a bit grim. I suppose depends on demographic but my circle are mostly like you, forties with small children or teens. No grandchildren thankfully!

My sister was a grandmother at 34.

What a load of rubbish. I have a degree and a very well paid job. I choose to have my kids young, my eldest being born when I wss just 23, 1 year after I left uni. I wanted them when I had the energy to enjoy them. I also knew that they would be adults when I was in my 40s, which meant I could then go and travel (an ambition of mine)and work up the career line without having time out for maternity leave. Which I have done. I am also young enough to enjoy any grandchildren ai might have.

@Umbrella15 Surely finances do prevent many people from having children in their 20’s though? DH and I met in our 20’s but really couldn’t provide a home for children until we were in our 30’s.

You obviously were able to, but I think that most people can’t, even 20 years ago it was hard (I’m 50), it’s far worse with today’s rents/house prices.

My youngest is 3 and I'm 38, my dh is 46 though and he doesnt look old enough to be a grandparent so I wouldn't necessarily think you were. My mum was a nan at 49 but she had me aged 20. I was born in the late 80s though and that wasn't particularly unusual then.

@SouthernFashionista what sounds grim? Being a grandparent?

I became a grandmother at 47.My DS2 was a grandfather at 42, and my sister was 39 when her first grandchild was born.
Depends on the age you became a parent.

That’s you. But look at the stats; something I do professionally. It is well-documented that there’s a correlation between socioeconomic status, education level, and early parenthood. There’s a load of government data and studies showing that people from poorer backgrounds and with lower levels of education are statistically more likely to have children at a younger age.

There will always be exceptions.

I made my poor mum a grandma at 39! We actually had the opposite problem, until ds was about 5 people always assumed I was the older sister and nanna was his mum.

Sorry but smug older mothers on this site always take delight in bringing up statistics to try and insist all young mums are uneducated and "deprived" (they especially love that word). Not to mention that one thread where they delighted in pulling out their precious statistics to try and say older mums are just better parents then young mums.
Can you imagine the uproar if someone started waffling about statistics in relation to African Americans and crime?

No wouldn't do that? Then stop doing it about young mums

@asrl78
Are you an only child? Children born to older mothers 40+ years ago were usually regarded as a surprise as women didn't routinely wait to have children. My point this it's not as common place as the middle class MN pps like to think, maybe in their circles but mostly it's not commonplace.

At 47 I had a daughter of 23 and one of 7. Three close friends had their last baby at 44. I also have friends who were grandmothers by late 40s

There's a world of difference between 'early parenthood' and having children in your 20s.

It is a very recent phenomenon for professional people to wait until their late 30s/40s before starting a family. Professional, educated people would be usually having children in their 20s as a matter of course until this century.

As a statistician you presumably know there is a difference between a single 16 year old having a baby and a 24 year old with a mortgage, income and husband?

I was 46. Keep in mind children are different. One of mine married at 18 and had 2 children by the time he was 21. He is now a 45 year old grandfather. My other son did get did not get married until he was 37. He has a two year old and will have another child in August at 41.

I don’t particularly think 47 is young to be a grandparent? My parents were grandparents at 46 (my parents, husband and myself all university educated professionally qualified people for the statisticians out there 🙄
My mum and dad have played an active part in my DCs lives. It’s not uncommon in my circles / community whereas I only personally know of 1 person who has had a child over 40.
Neither is right or wrong and as for assumptions - Id never make them as it’s none of my business and I’m sure most people would feel the same.