Is it really that common to be a grandparent in your late 40s?

[AntiHop]

A few times recently, people have made the incorrect assumption that my 3 year old dd is my grandchild. I'm 47.

This really surprises me, as in my social group, and my family, no one has become a grandparent at that age. Not a single one of my friends had their kids in their 20s. (I have met people who've had kids in their 20s since becoming a parent myself.)

I definitely don't look older than I am. I'm lucky that my skin is doing well. If you lined me up with the friends of my age, you'd guess we are all 47ish. Perhaps people perceive me we older as so many people have cosmetic procedures now, changing the perception of what someone looks like at my age?

I do appreciate that I'm an older mum. Of the friends I grew up with, several of them had babies after my three year old was born.

This is nor meant to be a debate about the rights and wrongs of being an older mum. I'm just curious to know - if you saw a 47 year old with a 3 year old, would you assume that's the grandmother without it crossing your mind that she could be the mother?

Well they would, wouldn’t they? Given it takes five years to do A levels and a degree.

Where I'm from it's the norm,my mum was a gran at 36,I was having my 2nd and last child at the same age.My dd said to me the other day in her friend group I'm the oldest mum but my mum the youngest grandparent.She became a great gran twice at age 67.

well exactly

I never mentioned older mothers? I mean I'm not a young mum by any stretch but I'm not an older one either! I was only 30 when I had her

Like pretty much every other thing in this damn country (of which MM can be a microcosm) it's a class marker. Totally normal in some circles to be a grandparent in your 40s and unheard of in others. Neither is wrong or right obviously but the groups probably don't mix much which explains the surprised reactions both ways.

Like pretty much every other thing in this damn country (of which MM can be a microcosm) it's a class marker.

Class marker? So the older the mother when she gives birth, the higher her 'class'? Honestly?

That's not my personal experience.

I had my eldest when I was 21. So if he goes on to have a child at the same age I will be 42... it's not that uncommon surely? Not is it uncommon to have a child in your 40s either

I had all 4 kids before I was 30. So I'm.expecting to be a youngish grandmother if they choose to have kids young.

Not sure what this has to do with my comment unless you consider someone who doesn't have a degree to be "deprived" ?

Like I said though these threads always turn into a rush for older mothers with superiority complexes to insist all young mums are "deprived" and the "I don't know anyone who reproduced before 30" nonsense.
Its basically a thinly veiled way of saying they consider being a young mum peasant behaviour that they have no interaction with because they're moving in higher circles or whatever delusions they believe 🙄

Honestly this is exactly what these people think it would seem

If I saw someone who looked around 47, I wouldn't have a clue if they were mum or grandma.

I'd probably air on the side of caution and assume they were mum.

Who knows. I have a friend who was a grandmother by 33. I had my own child at 37. So who can say now. When my daughter was young and played in play parks there was a young man about 17/18 who was always there with a baby, I never worked out if he was dad or big brother. It doesn't matter

I became a grandmother for the first time at 39! I raised the child and lots of people thought I was her mother.

My Mum had my at 24, and I had my daughter 5 weeks shy of my 24th birthday, so she was a Nanna at 47…

Means she is now 63 with 4 grandkids (2 are mine 15&11) and 3 grown up daughters (all in our 30s - just!). I have friends my age with kids older than me and younger, and who made their parents grandparents both older and younger than I did. I also have friends who became parents in their 40s and who I met at baby groups with my kids. Everyone is different, and I don’t like to assume!

On average areas with lower average incomes will have a smaller proportion of mothers with degrees. And it's pretty standard to equate lower average income with more deprived. That's all.

I had my dd at 44 and never felt old once. Lots of mums our age around. I’ve never been presumed to by her grandmother either. Love being her mum, it feels very lucky and a privilege x

@AnxiouslyAwaitingSpring
I've never heard of anyone being a grandparent younger than 50
och away, stop your nonsense.
I don't know anyone who had a child in their 40s, I do not live in a deprived area.
One of most expensive streets where I am is full of couples in late 20s/30s with young families.

Had my eldest at 21 and became a grandma at 44 and often had people assume I was the mum. Have to say I was quite flattered 😂

It can't come as any surprise to anyone that if you have a fertile window between teens and 40s then some middle aged women might be grandmas and some might be new mums. What bubbles people live in.

Depends on how you looked: if you looked professional and educated, no; if you looked like you lived your life on benefits, yes.

I think the stereotype of Gen Z as basement dwelling, barely employable virgins who will never afford to buy a house plays into this.

Most people I know in their 20s are professionals with mortgages but you'd never know that via media.

I think it depends on where you live, certainly where I come from a lot of people my age (47) are grandparents, including me.
I was 24 when I had my eldest and he was 21 when he had his daughter.
i do get called mum by people when I’m out with her (she lives with me) but I put them right.
I personally don’t personally know anyone of my age that has babies.

Personally none of my friends are grandparents and were late 50s, however, when I taught teenage parents many grandparents were in their 30s. I had a great grandmother who was 48! Had her son at 16, he had his daughter at 16, and her baby was born when she was 16 (in the group I taught)

I was 12 when my little brother was born, and I'd frequently be mistaken for his mother 🤢 I don't think I'd assume anything really, maybe based on my own experience and how unnecessary it felt to me that people would comment on it

A woman I knew at my local bridge club had her third child at age 48. My mother was 40 when she had me 47 years ago.

It was surprising to hear someone on this thread knows of a great grandparent at the age of 42. To achieve that requires them and every successive generation giving birth at lower to mid secondary school age, so must be exceptional.