Is it really that common to be a grandparent in your late 40s?

[AntiHop]

A few times recently, people have made the incorrect assumption that my 3 year old dd is my grandchild. I'm 47.

This really surprises me, as in my social group, and my family, no one has become a grandparent at that age. Not a single one of my friends had their kids in their 20s. (I have met people who've had kids in their 20s since becoming a parent myself.)

I definitely don't look older than I am. I'm lucky that my skin is doing well. If you lined me up with the friends of my age, you'd guess we are all 47ish. Perhaps people perceive me we older as so many people have cosmetic procedures now, changing the perception of what someone looks like at my age?

I do appreciate that I'm an older mum. Of the friends I grew up with, several of them had babies after my three year old was born.

This is nor meant to be a debate about the rights and wrongs of being an older mum. I'm just curious to know - if you saw a 47 year old with a 3 year old, would you assume that's the grandmother without it crossing your mind that she could be the mother?

Well I'm 47 yo and have a 23yo dd, she turns 24yo in a few weeks. So could easily be a grandmother at our age.

I'd say having a baby at 44yo is more unusual than someone having a baby in their early 20s.

For me to be a grandmother at 47, my daughter would need to have a baby at the age of 23...which is how old I was when I had her. So it all depends on the age of the mother when she decides to have kids.

My friendship group is split. Probably half of us had kids in our 20s and now have teens, and half are just starting out. I know which side I prefer to be on, but would I want my daughter having a baby at 23? Perhaps not, but it'll be entirely up to her and her circumstances.

I have a younger cousin who’s the exact same age as my DD. Her mum, my aunt, is the same age as as my mum. I could be my cousin’s sister. She could be my DD’s grandmother. Guess what we don’t do - argue about who had our girls at the best time.

There’s another thread at the moment about female singers and the clothes they wear. A poster wrote a comment along the lines of “Muslim women wear hijabs - patriarchy. Singers wear leotards - patriarchy. How many centimetres should a woman wear for the optimum?” and I feel the same way about women having children. Early 20s - too young. Terrible choice. Early 40s - too young. Terrible choice.

How about we all just mind our own business and let women have children when they choose to without judging them based on how you would feel with a child at that age. Honestly, it’s infuriating.

Having a baby at 44 is very unusual, so of course it's more likely to be seen as grandma if you're almost 50 with a toddler.

I was a grandparent at 40. I was sometimes mistaken for their mum. I am now 62 and was mistaken recently for my 22 year old gs's mum. Yet I look my age.

I guess its social perceptions. My own dm was often mistaken for my gm back in the early seventies as she was in her early fifties and I think people had their kids a little younger then.

I'd say overall, 47 is quite old to have a 3 year old (sorry) but probably younger than average to be a grandmother. So if you look 47 people might assume young grandmother rather than older mum.

People should always err on the side of caution when guessing though and say mum rather than nan out loud. Then if you get it wrong you flatter someone rather than offend them.

Where I live it would be more likely for a 47yo to be the gran that the mum of a 3yo, yes. I would assume gran, auntie, then mum.

Agreed I'd assume mum then it's at least a compliment if you're wrong. I met a mother yesterday and I was convinced she was nan I hope I didn't look shocked when the child called her mum.

Being a grandmother in your late forties isn't shocking at all it just means two generations had their children in their twenties, I'm an actual young mum and if my child had a child the same age I had them I'd be in my early thirties.

Biologically it would be extremely hard for most women to fall pregnant at 44 without IVF. Even with IVF I believe the chances are slim so I would inwardly assume it was grandma

well a 24 year age gap will do that...

If you look at the data (like the ONS data, here), it's still much more common to have a baby in your early 20s than early 40s.

In 2022, which is the most recent dataset, about 10 times as many 23 year olds gave birth as 44 year olds did - 16,915 vs 1,653. I'm sure it varies a lot by region and social circle, so you can be in a bubble of older mums or younger mums, but statistically it's not unlikely that a 47 year old woman in charge of a toddler could be the toddler's grandmother.

Agree it's rude to assume thougn.

Butlins used to have glamorous grandmother contests in the 60s, had to stop because many contestant were in their early 30s.

As a lot of women in their late 40s are menopausal I think that makes people think grandmother.

Agreed, to be fair he looked younger 🤣

no that person must have had their kids v young like 18 or something. These days its more common for 40 year old to have a baby than 18 year old

Sorry but yes that is crazy! I've never heard of anyone being a grandparent younger than 50 and even then, that was a very sad case of a 13yr old giving birth.

OP I'm 41 with a 10yr old and thankfully I don't (yet) look my age although my hair is slowly turning white underneath! But you've made me wonder now if people assume I'm grandma!

Don't worry about what people think. If I was in your shoes, I'd just assume they'd come from a deprived area where early teen pregnancies are the norm.

My mum was UMC and 22 (she had just finished her degree) when she had my brother. My brother was a high flying professional by the time he had my nephew at 26.

So my mum became a grandmother at 48.

No teen parents or disaster involved.

Biologically it is much better to have children younger- there is an increased risk of low fertility, pregnancy and birth complications and genetic issues with older parents.

I had my children in my late twenties too and it was a fabulous time to become a mum.

I’d be more likely to assume young gran than older mum, sorry!! And not because it’s common just because it’s slightly less common (to me).

@AnxiouslyAwaitingSpring

Never? Not once in your life?

You really think being a mother to a toddler when you’re touching 50 is more normal than having children in your 20’s?

Older mothers have always existed of course, but usually they had also been younger mothers at one point. My great grandmother for example, had her eldest at 20, her youngest at 40 (with 8 in between). The youngest child and eldest grandchild were born in the same year. This was pre-contraception days, obviously.

Is it that common, no. Does it happen of course. My DP's mother was a Grandmother at around 45 and at 50 odd has 4 grandchildren.

If I had to guess I would say it is more common to be a grandparent in your late 40's than it is to have a child at the age of 44/45.

My cousin became a grandparent at 32! She is raising the baby, her daughter was 13 and in a care home.

That’s awful. Let’s hope the cycle can break, as presumably your cousin was also young when she had her.

Well basic maths shows it's possible to be a grandmother at any age above 40 with no teen pregnancies involved.

Are you serious?

It's much more common to be a grandmother in your 50s than it is to become a mother mid 40s!

Having a baby at 13 means you could be a grandmother at 26! And a great grandmother at 39!

This data is a bit old (too lazy to search for something up to date) but it is a simple statistical fact that women with a degree have their first child about 5 years later than women who only have GCSEs.

Mean age of mother at birth of first child, by highest achieved educational qualification, 1996 to 2016, England and Wales - Office for National Statistics