Is it really that common to be a grandparent in your late 40s?

[AntiHop]

A few times recently, people have made the incorrect assumption that my 3 year old dd is my grandchild. I'm 47.

This really surprises me, as in my social group, and my family, no one has become a grandparent at that age. Not a single one of my friends had their kids in their 20s. (I have met people who've had kids in their 20s since becoming a parent myself.)

I definitely don't look older than I am. I'm lucky that my skin is doing well. If you lined me up with the friends of my age, you'd guess we are all 47ish. Perhaps people perceive me we older as so many people have cosmetic procedures now, changing the perception of what someone looks like at my age?

I do appreciate that I'm an older mum. Of the friends I grew up with, several of them had babies after my three year old was born.

This is nor meant to be a debate about the rights and wrongs of being an older mum. I'm just curious to know - if you saw a 47 year old with a 3 year old, would you assume that's the grandmother without it crossing your mind that she could be the mother?

Where I live, there are grandparents around this age but also first time parents around the same age, so for that reason I don't make assumptions and wait to be told!

I was mistaken for my children's grandma when I was 33! To be fair, the woman in question was visiting the UK from a neighbourhood in New York where everyone had babies at 16. In fact she'd had her first baby at 15, so that was her frame of reference.

When I'm 47 my kids will be 24, 22, 20 and 17. My own parents, grandparents and great-grandparents were all grandparents by 47.

However I do understand what you're saying. 47 with a 3 year old is completely borderline and I'd always err on the side of (outwardly, at least) assuming mum not grandma...

My grandma was 2 weeks shy of her 40th birthday when I was born, so 39. She had my dad at 20 and then I was born when he was just about to turn 20.

I had my first at 31. So it does feel odd. I remember feeling like a teenage mother at groups - so, I would not assume 47 was grandmother material, now.

I've been asked if I'm my DGC mum previously, and also asked if I'm my DMs granddaughter? So it can go both ways apparently 🤣

I'm 45 for context

OP, you are not alone. Only today I was sat beside a swimming pool watching DD10 & DD12. Lady sat next to me watching her granddaughter. She turned to me and said “your granddaughters have kindly taught X how to do a handstand”. I decided not to make her feel bad and correct her. I’m 58. I know I’m considerably older than most mums at this stage. But this lady was about 80! Why did she think we were of the same generation? Frankly I could have been either mother or grandmother - people shouldn’t assume.

I know someone that ha their 3rd child at 47. I am early 50s with teens as had mine in my thirties. I don't know anyone that had kids in their 20s where I live. DHs brother lives in the Midlands and had kids 19-24 but their kids didn't have kids until their thirties so they are just becoming grandparents now mid fifties.

I think grandparents in forties must be becoming rarer these days, very few people can afford to have kids in their twenties now surely.

So you and your‘circle’ have been lucky enough to conceive and have healthy children,but for many people who wait until their late 30s they have left it too late.
Just take a little wander to the conception board to understand what a lottery it is for the perfect time to have a good chance of having a healthy child .Age is definitely a big consideration.

Yes my mum was mistaken for being my and my siblings grandparents. 47 is quite old to have a 3 year old.

There's a certain demographic in my area that tend to have their kids in their late teens / early 20s. They then tend to become grandparents in their late 30s / early 40s. Then you have the opposite who become 1st time parents in their 30s / 40s so become grandparents later.

I personally think that your early adulthood should be spent exploring life & establishing yourself. By having children early, you've barely come out of childhood yourself & then you're plunged back into it. I had my 1st at 30 & and my youngest at 33, this worked for me but I know it's not for everyone.

I know of plenty of people who were grandparents in there 40s. I only know of a couple of people personally who had a child in their 40s. My daughter has a friend at school who's dad is older than mine. I think it's getting so common now though, awkward that people assume.

I’m in my 40s but not a grandparent (yet anyway) My DC are late 20s and some of their friends have older primary age DC. All 4 of my DCs grandparents were aged between 38-45 when they were born. More common to be a grandparent at my age than a mother where we live.

In my area, it would be more common to be a GM at 47 than mum. I don't know anyone who has had a baby past their 30s. 2 other people I know have become GMs in their late 30s.

I'd assume gran, I don't know anyone who has had a baby beyond 37, only on MN do I see starting a family over 40.
I'm 52 (no GKids) most of my friends have them.

In 1970 the average age of a first-time mum was 23; in 2023 it was 30.9 years old. So on average, it would be a fair guess that the average age of a grandma for the first time would be 50 ish. ONS statistics seem to show that - they say just over 49.

One of the ways that people get the numbers wrong is taking "average grandparent age" which takes second-, third-, eighth-time grandparents as well as first time. The "average age" is 63, a big difference from a first time grandparent.

My brother was a granddad at 47. I'm mid 50s and my three told me not to ever expect a grandchild unless my gay son adopts😂

I know loads of grandparents in their 40s.

A great grandparent at 42? How is that possible?

3 early teen pregnancies.

I feel like there is an element of goadiness to this thread. Nobody gets to knocking 50 without realising that people have children at differing ages. We aren't even talking about generations of teen mums here, it would be 2 women in their 20s having children. It's hardly crazy for someone to look at someone that is about 50 and assume they are a grandparent.

I don't know how sheltered a half a century you would have had to have lived to gebuinely not realise that most people don't have their children in their mid 40s.

This is one of those things that depends very much on demographics and the circles that you move in. Socioeconomic factors are the main driver here.

Amongst my friends and family, it would be incredibly unusual to become a grandparent in your forties. For others, it might be very normal.

My friend had her youngest dd at 45. She was occasionally assumed to be the grandmother, which I found really odd. I guess it just depends on what you're used to.

@MassiveGoat
Exactly! My mum was a grandmother at 44, she had me at 22 and I had DD1 at 22, young by today’s standards but not in any way too young. None of my close friends are grandparents just yet but most have DC in their 20s or at least teens so I’m sure it’s just a matter of time. There are people I went to school with who have adult grandchildren now. The only people I know who had babies as late as 40 are those who have had to have IVF.

Biologically it's the optimum time. It's what nature intended

See that's strange as I know many people in London who have kids early. Maybe just parts of London you are referring to. Perhaps look up the ages of first time parents in Newham or Tower Gamlets as I'm pretty sure it's a damn sight younger than 40

I only know one person who became a grandparent in their 40’s and that was 30 years ago. I’m 50 and none of my friends are grandparents yet, l think it’s unlikely that any of us will be by 60. I wouldn’t mind being a younger GP at all, but I can’t see either of my two (19 and 16) being interested in having children in the next decade.

I am mid 40s, and have a few people from school on my FB. None are grandparents yet.
Saying that, I used to work with a man who became a grandad at 30.

Not common at all in my circle. Mid 60s is the norm.

I don't know anyone having kids under 30 these days.