Is it really that common to be a grandparent in your late 40s?

[AntiHop]

A few times recently, people have made the incorrect assumption that my 3 year old dd is my grandchild. I'm 47.

This really surprises me, as in my social group, and my family, no one has become a grandparent at that age. Not a single one of my friends had their kids in their 20s. (I have met people who've had kids in their 20s since becoming a parent myself.)

I definitely don't look older than I am. I'm lucky that my skin is doing well. If you lined me up with the friends of my age, you'd guess we are all 47ish. Perhaps people perceive me we older as so many people have cosmetic procedures now, changing the perception of what someone looks like at my age?

I do appreciate that I'm an older mum. Of the friends I grew up with, several of them had babies after my three year old was born.

This is nor meant to be a debate about the rights and wrongs of being an older mum. I'm just curious to know - if you saw a 47 year old with a 3 year old, would you assume that's the grandmother without it crossing your mind that she could be the mother?

I had my first in early 20s not long out of uni, used those years to lay the groundwork working part time and had another child then went back to work full time once the kids hit secondary. I then focused on my career and now in mid/late 30s my career has more than taken off. I spoke with a recruiter and told them I thought I'd be seen as a liability for having kids and actually got told I'm the opposite as my kids are up and independent but I'm still young and I'm career focused whereas someone else the same age who didn't have kids will be assumed to be taking the gas off soon. It's apples and oranges really. I don't think it matters when you have kids, a woman generally takes the hit career wise either way. At my age now i actually see little to no difference career progression wise to where I have ended up and where my friends who delated having children are

I'm about be a grandma at 54. And I look it!

I knew someone who made her mum a gran at 29.

I've mistaken a grandmother for a mother recently and in the past have made the opposite mistake. I don't think there's a specific age cut off in people's minds, it's just an assumption made without thinking. Someone recently thought my DMum was DD's mum, it made her day!

My mother was 38 when my son was born. We both had children young. I was often mistaken for DS sister becsuse I looked exceptionally young in my 20s. It really used to annoy me when they thought my mother was my DSs mother.

I know lots of people who are grandparents in there 40s , most of them had there own kids in their early 20s themselves.

I have nothing but admiration. My first was born when I was 24 my notes said "elderly primagravidae" my second at 27 feeling as though I was leaving it late. I'm 67 now. I had a "scare" at 32 and thought I was way too old but it was a false alarm. OTH my husband's mum was 45 when she had him but he was the youngest of a large brood. Times change.

No, but I'm a similar age to you and my kids are between 17-21 so I wouldn't necessarily assume they were your child (but I certainly wouldn't say anything either way just in case!)

My mum and her sisters were all grandparents in their early- late 40's. Now in their 60's. I feel it was more common years ago but not so much now. More common in low socio economic areas though.

I think some of it depends on how old others perceive you to be. I'm 42 with a teenager and people have asked if we're sisters (twice in front of my dh). I'd like to think I look good for my age but we don't look like sisters, though I guess it is possible these days.

I had exactly the same experience. I was far more employable than women of my age with young children and continued to have an advantage in recruitment over younger women as my career progressed. I got promotions in my 40s that would never have been available to someone with small kids.

If you had a baby in your 20s and they had a baby in their 20s you could be a grandmother to a toddler easily. I think that's probably what most assume.

Having a toddler at 47 is unusual - nothing wrong with it though!

We're not 'the majority of the public' though. And mostly wouldn't be using the NHS for childbirth as its not flexible enough

My mum was 39 when I had her a nanna (my dad 47). I am 48, no sign of any GC. But 2 of my friends had GC in their early 40’s.

I know far more people that became grandparents in their 40s than first time parents. I know someone who is 51 and has an 11 year old grandchild and a 4 year child. People frequently assume he is his child’s grandad. And men often have children later than woman so it’s probably worse for older mothers.

Unless you live in London you won’t have much choice. There are very few private providers of obstetric services. Not that it’s relevant to the fact that gynaecologically women over around 35 are regarded as what used to be called elderly primagravidas.

I’d expect it’s more likely for a 47yo to be a 3yo’s grandmother rather than mother, albeit neither is going to be pretty common

@notquiteruralbliss exactly the point I was trying to make....it's not an odd assumption to think a 47 year old could be the grandparent of a three year old.

My mother was always mistaken for my grandmother - to be fair, she was a grandmother when I was born. I would auto assume that a late 40s woman with several children down to a toddler was the DM, and that one out alone with a toddler was the DGM giving her daughter or daughter-in-law a break for the morning. That said, it’s that “could go either way” age where I would carefully avoid making a verbal assumption one way or the other. 😅

@notquiteruralbliss OP was asking people on a public forum what they would think, so not sure why "We're not the majority of the public." Comment is relevant.

Sorry, but yes I would think you were the grandmother although I wouldn't say anything just in case. When I am your age my eldest will be 23 and my youngest will be 15. When I had my youngest I was the oldest mum on the maternity ward by quite a few years and I was the same age as one of the visiting grandmothers.

It’s much more normal to be a grandmother at that age than have a 3yo of your own.

I took my 15 yr old niece to parents evening recently and a teacher referred to me as ‘Gran’. I’m 45. That was a slap in the face… 😂

The NHS is not the key point in this. Biologically at over 35 your fertility is dropping and there is an increased of complications. That's just physical reality.

My brother made my mum a grandma at 45, I am 41 with a 10 and 7 year old. I would probably assume a 47 year old was the grandmother tbh. Having kids in your 30s is pretty much the norm in my circle and with the mums I see at school etc. I can't think of anyone I know IRL who had kids past 40 (fully appreciate that's my experience and plenty do).

Was siply pointing out that my social circle aren't 'the majority of the public'. I have very little knowledge of what they consider' the norm'. For me and my friends 'the norm' was to prioritise work and fit in having DCs (or not) around that. I still managed to have 4 so I guess being old when I started wasn't an issue.

I’m 41 my oldest is about to turn 21 and my youngest is 4. I get told i look a lot younger than i am someone at work was shocked when i said had a 20yr old they thought i was 27 lol My mum was mid 40s when she became a grandmother.