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Original poster

On holiday thinking my marriage might be over

428 replies

Pinkyblue123 · 19/02/2025 06:42

On a skiing holiday with three groups of people including my husband and daughter. I am slower than husband and daughter as had a fall a few years ago and completely lost my confidence. My husband has been really cross with me for not being as good as him and the others. I have asked him to spend time with me to help me to get my confidence back, he just gets cross and says I am pathetic and then I tell him to go off, being shouted at and told you are shit when you are trying to ski down a slope that scares you is not helpful, so I am basically left on my own. I said yesterday that I wanted him to spend an hour with me before he went off with the others, I was feeling a bit lonely and it would be nice to not be stuck in my own all day. He then said I was pathetic, I didn’t try hard enough, I was holding him and everyone back, no one wants to ski with someone that is so rubbish. I saw red and said I understood why his management career didn’t work out if that is how he try’s to help and support people ( he left management a couple of years ago as had some feedback about his management style) this is a sore point for him and so this really stung him. He has now not spoken to me for 24 hours. He does this in an argument and it can last for days, I fully expect him to be like this for the rest of the week. So I am sat here, knowing what it will be like being blanked, trying to make things nice for my daughter, but feeling like I have had enough of being married to him. I know I have hurt him with the comment, but he can give it out but he cannot take it back.

OP posts:
Astronautstar · 19/02/2025 10:30

I think you spoke the truth. He sounds horrid. I would go home.

LAMPS1 · 19/02/2025 10:33

Even if he does ski with you for an hour each morning from now on, he is still likely to be unpleasant, impatient and critical, and you will still feel crap knowing he is irritated by your slower pace and would prefer to be with mates.
I wouldn’t even ski with him any more, unless he apologises and willingly offers to be with you, but I certainly wouldn’t ask him or expect much of him.

I’d think twice about going on a ski holiday with him again after this. And I’d also think long and hard about the way he treats you.

Whatever you do OP, don’t try to risk keeping up with him if he offers to ski with you. You don’t want to be going home with a broken limb.

Hope you can avoid his mean streak and enjoy the rest of your holiday without him where possible. Good luck.

Hwi · 19/02/2025 10:35

holrosea · 19/02/2025 08:56

My mum is terrified of heights and gets scared even seeing things like big drops or rollercoasters on the TV. I live near mountains and I took my parents on a hike that became far more vertiginous than I had planned.

There was a short passage of 8-10m where the path is still quite wide, but there is a cable fixed into the rock to hold onto because there is "nothing" the other side.

My mum was terrified (although in no danger, to be clear) and it took her a full 5 minutes to cross this 10m stretch, and all the time my dad was there with a constant stream of:

  • you're absolutely fine, you've got both hands on the rope
  • move your left foot to here, then move your right to join it
  • you're doing great, just look at the wall
  • take your time, we're in no hurry, take a breath
  • nearly there, do this bit on your bum if you feel safer
  • give me your left hand, brilliant! Well done! You made it!

It's also not the first/only time that I've seen him do this for my mum either.

Your husband is a twat, and you deserve someone who wants to help you regain your confidence and enjoy your holiday (although the way that he talks to you suggests that this marriage is miserable in many different ways). In the short term, try to get an instructor and make the most of the social side of skiing, when you get home, start divorce proceedings.

You dad let your mum suffer like that? If you fear, you fear and not amount of 'you are doing fine' will help.

DingDingRound3 · 19/02/2025 10:35

When your DD is with someone that treats her this badly, I hope you find that just as acceptable...

Laszlomydarling · 19/02/2025 10:36

Really sorry to say this OP, but anyone who calls you pathetic and is embarrassed by you, does not love you. This should be a wake up call for you to make your plans to leave.

ritasuebobtoo · 19/02/2025 10:40

He must’ve been like this before, it is not from nowhere. He’s not being a loving caring husband, he is being a disrespectful ugly man who treats his wife with utter contempt.

I feel for you. If not for your daughter you could just come home. As it is you can’t put her in that position. The best thing to do right now is book an hour or two private lesson, to help your confidence (I used to be a ski instructor, in a different life, and private individual lessons work wonders). Then go out with them again if you like, but if not go up the mountain with your confidence get a hot chocolate and meet them for lunch maybe.

When you get home in a few days, seriously think about whether you want to spend the rest of your life with a man who treats you like this.

I remember seeing an older angry man shouting at his meek looking wife in an airport, it was awful. She looked so sad. I wanted to hug her and say get away from this man. But didn’t 😢. I wonder how long she had put up with him for, and how she is today.

Your husband has a mask on in public but he’s like the man above.

Startinganew32 · 19/02/2025 10:40

Hwi · 19/02/2025 10:35

You dad let your mum suffer like that? If you fear, you fear and not amount of 'you are doing fine' will help.

Show quote history

It was the pp not the dad who let the mum suffer if anyone did. Why did she take her mum on a vertiginous hike if she knew she was scared of heights?

thestudio · 19/02/2025 10:42

What does he say when you point out that he can dish it out relentlessly, but can't take it?

Cardamomandlemons · 19/02/2025 10:43

Sign up for private lessons with a hot ski instructor. And then when you get back to the chalet at night be like "omg best holiday ever!!!"
Only joking!!

MikeRafone · 19/02/2025 10:44

I know I have hurt him with the comment,

truth hurts sometimes but as you said - he dishes it out like jelly babies but can't hack it in return

My next comment wold be

if you can't hack me mirroring your nasty behaviour then think about how you behave

MikeRafone · 19/02/2025 10:45

and on another note - can you go and get a lesson or two on your own?

Vaxtable · 19/02/2025 10:49

Personally Imwould either try and talk to him and tell him he now understands how you feel by the way he has treated you and been so rude and uncaring and he has a choice, continues to act like a bully or reflect in his behaviour, apologise and provide the support you need. I would also point out childish sulking and not speaking to you is a turn off

If he continues I would wait it out until I got home, then I would be getting ducks in a row ams leaving with the kids

ConcernedOfClapham · 19/02/2025 10:53

What a cunt.

BellyButt · 19/02/2025 10:54

Book ski lessons for yourself (PM me for discount code), it'll do wonders. I understand if you don't want to book flights home now especially if your holiday and skipass have been paid for, they're expensive.

And as for your husband, he's a wanker! such a terrible man. I am a slow skier, terrified when i was a beginner, a fall did affect my confidence but now once my husband who was a wonderful skier left me or said things that'll hurt my feelings. Hugss

CactusSammy · 19/02/2025 11:01

He sounds like a twat at best, and a narcissistic arsehole at worst.

I wouldn't waste anymore of my time with him. You and your daughter deserve better. It's far easier to bring up a child alone, than with a 'partner' who makes you feel shit and worthless.

StormingNorman · 19/02/2025 11:03

You’d be better having a couple of private lessons to get your confidence back.

AsFunAsEnglishWeather · 19/02/2025 11:03

What a dick, and well done for calling him out on it. Serves him right re: the comment about his people skills (or total lack thereof).

People who bully and force slower skiers out of their comfort zone are the worst, and are cruising towards spending their holiday going back and forth to the hospital where their victims will likely end up. Go and do your own thing - private lessons would be ideal as you'll learn so much. If they aren't available, just take yourself off on your own and enjoy the secnery from some cruisy blues and greens. You'll be happier without him (and the rest of the group, who are no better if they won't accomodate you) and will be able to enjoy yourself without pressure and fear.

LionME · 19/02/2025 11:04

Your dh is a twat. It’s clear from the way he is treating you just now.
His ‘friends’ aren’t much better. If you go skiing as a group you adapt to the slower person. At least one if the time. You dint leave one person on their own like this. It’s true fir skiing, going walking etc….

If they all wanted a hols where they couldn’t be bothered tonnait fur a slower person, they should have said so. You wouldn’t have gone. But then ofc, your dh would have had to parent his dd in the evening etc… whereas with this arrangement, he can leave that to you.

I think you have two choices tight now
You made the best of the situation. Take skiing lessons. Find what else is happening in the place (spa? Nice patisserie?) Basically gave fum wo him. And totally ignore him. Up to him to come out of his attitude
OR
You go back home now. Leave your dh look after his dd. And tell everyone including the ‘friends’ why. No reason to hide.

TagSplashMaverick · 19/02/2025 11:06

JerseyCrow · 19/02/2025 06:50

Your husband sounds abusive. The way he speaks to you and then the silent treatment in between.

I think your marriage probably should be over because you deserve not to live like rhat.

I'm sorry it's been such a miserable and lonely holiday.

Absolutely. He’s an utter cunt To speak to you that way. It’s utterly cruel.

Depending on the age of my daughter, I’d be travelling home early without saying anything to anyone, except my daughter. I’d then message whoever I was closest to from the other families and say “I’m afraid that H’s abusive behaviour towards me all week has got too much and I’ve gone home. Enjoy the rest of your week.”

Queenofheart · 19/02/2025 11:07

I have been skiing with my DH three times and am a bit nervous and still pretty slow having never done it before.

He used to be an instructor and is so patient with me, happy to wait at the bottom of each slope or I tell him to go off and meet up an hour later ... your DH sounds a twat and I'd be going home!

Also, I'm sure the rest of the party can do their own thing without waiting for you or getting anoyed you are slowing them down.

Easipeelerie · 19/02/2025 11:09

In what ways is he abusive to you when you’re at home? Name calling? Silent treatment? Shouting?

Jabtastic · 19/02/2025 11:11

JerseyCrow · 19/02/2025 06:50

Your husband sounds abusive. The way he speaks to you and then the silent treatment in between.

I think your marriage probably should be over because you deserve not to live like rhat.

I'm sorry it's been such a miserable and lonely holiday.

Take this post on board OP.

pikkumyy77 · 19/02/2025 11:16

TalkingAboutaWolf · 19/02/2025 10:01

Exactly.

He's behaving like a dick and you're fully entitled to leave him. But why did you decide to go there and spoil everyone's skiing holiday is a mystery to me. They're competitive and good at it. They don't want to dither and entertain a crap skier. Can't say I blame the husband for that. It would piss me off, to waste the time I could be having fun on a person, who incapable doing the activity.

I don't like mountain biking and I'm not good at it. So guess what, I don't join in when my group of friends, who love the activity, go.

There was an example upthread of someone's mum who's scared of heights and supportive dad, who encouraged the mum when they encountered a scary high spot on the hike unexpectedly. Yea, the key is 'unexpectedly'. One thing is to come upon such spot and brave it, and completely another is to deliberately go to the mountains with a group of experiences climbers/hikers when you're scared of hights and spoil everyone's day with your whinging.

Either don't go or find an instructor. It's not your husband's responsibility.

Show quote history

Where is the vomit emoji?

ThePearlBee · 19/02/2025 11:23

He deserved what you said.

ChristmasRoses · 19/02/2025 11:25

I had a similar experience with my exH. On a mountain bike holiday, I crashed ad hurt my knee. Struggled to walk so that evening he walked off and left me. Hated that I was slower for the rest of the week and left me behind. I told him that I was leaving him when we got home, and that I did. Twat.

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