Does your MIL do this?

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So, if there’s been a recent event where cards have been exchanged, birthday Christmas, and most recently Valentine’s Day, MIL reads the cards that are on the window sill. She does it every time, commenting on the writing, what is written. For some reason it has always annoyed me.

YABU she can look if she wants
YANBU she’s a nosy cow!

I think it’s very bad manners to pick up someone else’s card and read the personal message inside. That said, I am extremely nosy so would definitely do it if nobody was looking

It is bad manners.

good grief, you are not a toddler. Must people really lock everything out of your way when you visit to make sure you respect their privacy and show basic manners?

You have them displayed in a fairly public room within your house that you invited her into.
on which planet is a living room a public room (within your house)? 😂

If the cards have been framed opened and the content is on display, then yes.
If the cards are just there, no of course it's not for you to grab them, open them and read

Do you also open other people's presents left under the Christmas Tree to check what's in them? After all, they're left on display too

with your mum and dad, yes.
Plus you've been living with them since birth, so you know how they think.

With your MIL? Not the same.

Hahah mine doesn’t but she’s oblivious to anything but others have and that’s why the Valentine’s card for my DH that said ‘you make my bits tingle!’ Was left upstairs 😂

On every planet? When I invite people to my house, they are invited into the living room and the kitchen, downstairs loo.

I don't expect them to be in my bedroom or the office, but the living room is where anyone invited in will end up at some point. Therefore I don't keep things in my living room on display that I would be unhappy for anyone I invite to see. On display - i.e. on the mantlepiece or windowsill or shelf.

A card? No problem - there's probably a punchline on the inside, so yes, I expect there's a good chance someone will pick it up to read that if they notice the card.

If it were personal or risqué I wouldn't leave it where acquaintances of kids on playdates might see it. I wouldn't leave books on my living room bookshelf that I wasn't prepared for people to browse, either.

If it were a really beautiful or original card, someone looking to see who sent that - oh yes, that's the uncle who lives on Skye, of course - wouldn't bother me either.

Lots of people don't like it and find it rude.
We should be able to display cards in our homes without nosey people coming along and reading them. I would never dream of going into someones home and picking up their cards and reading them. Very entitled behaviour.

@BeaAndBen if you had a hospital letter pinned on your fridge, do you expect visitors to pick it up and turn it over and read the back page?
if your laptop is on the table, can I read your emails?
Can I flick through your wall calendar?
Your notebook/diary is on the counter, can I have a browse whilst you’re making me a cuppa?

it’s the same principle and quite entitled if you think it’s ok to march over to my mantle, take down my cards and look at private messages.

Those of you who are in the nosy camp, how would you react if you were called out on it? I guess you’d just say ‘well it’s on the window seal so it’s game on!’ Thinking of saying something to MIL next time she does it but not sure what!

I think exactly what the poster above you has just said! “If I had a hospital letter pinned to the fridge/laptop left open/etc would you peruse those too!?” And then add “Cards are on display for looking at not picking up and reading. They are addressed specifically to the person intended and it’s quite rude to read someone else’s letters/mail.”

Just keep it short "oi, nosy!" And see what she says. She'd have to have elephant thick skin to not be slightly embarrassed.

I think exactly what the poster above you has just said! “If I had a hospital letter pinned to the fridge/laptop left open/etc would you peruse those too!?”

but then MIL would reply: but if you left it on the fridge in a public room, your kitchen, surely it means you wanted me to read it? Otherwise you would have hidden it under your mattress in your bedroom and lock the bedroom door 😂

I think it's really rude to do this. You wouldn't read a letter so why a card?
My mother does it which I find extraordinary as she used to get really irritated when her mother in law (my paternal grandmother) did it. My mum also re-locates cards so those from her are suitably prominent and asks endless questions to assess whether we are suitably appreciative of the effort gone into selecting the cards from her - which we never are!
This Christmas was ridiculous as my mother read a card to DH and I from "Michael and Sue", our neighbours. My parents happened to also have neighbours with those names decades ago, when I was a child. For some reason, my mum thought the card must be from them and I was subject to endless questions as to why they had given us a card. I'd completely forgotten about the existence of these childhood neighbours so didn't twig that she was confused and answered by saying "they're the neighbours. You know them. They always send us one along with all of the other neighbours" which then made my mum think that I was in touch with all of our childhood neighbours but I still hadn't realised what she was thinking. This conversation continued until I clicked. All I wanted to do was say "if you hadn't read our cards, none of this would have happened" but I just smiled sweetly.

My mum has always read my birthday and Christmas cards - but she knows I don’t mind her doing that. She wouldn’t do it in anyone else’s house. MIL wouldn’t do it, certainly not without asking anyway.

And my mum wouldn’t ever look at a Valentine’s card! My birthday is very close to Valentine’s Day so my Valentine’s card from DP is often on display at the same time as my birthday cards, so when she gets to that one she always makes a big point of saying ‘Ooh, I shan’t read this one in case it’s too personal’ 🤣

Team nosy here 🙋

Like I said, I do it to both my parents and in laws. I don’t think I have noticed my MIL do it to my cards, but my mum does. It doesn’t bother me. I think my nan did it, I come from a long line of nosy women obviously.

I don’t recall picking up friends cards, but I probably have. I have one friend who loves cards and is really into the words so she may show me one or two and then I’ll read others as well. I have defo looked at siblings cards.

If they were on the mantle or book case where they can be easily read, I wouldn’t be taking them off card holders or when they’ve been stuck to walls/mirrors etc.

IF anyone said please don’t read the cards. I would just apologise and not do it again. I wouldn’t make a big thing of it.

Its your MIL, no great issue. I probably would just out of fidgeting

Of course it’s an issue if people are uncomfortable with it!

Don't leave on show then. Easy

It’s not on show anymore than a letter on the side waiting to be filed away.

Because you display them then it wouldn't be rude to me. But I have also packed away things before a visit because I want to be in control of what I share with anyone. An example is invites on the fridge. They come down temporarily.

Should I take my wall calendar down too, in case you fancy a flick through? See when I’m on my next period.

I think we have the same MIL. Drives me mental.

Nah. I don’t tolerate ridiculousness all month round.

My mother does it which I find extraordinary as she used to get really irritated when her mother in law (my paternal grandmother) did it.

brilliant 😂😂