Does your MIL do this?

[SocialMeeds]

So, if there’s been a recent event where cards have been exchanged, birthday Christmas, and most recently Valentine’s Day, MIL reads the cards that are on the window sill. She does it every time, commenting on the writing, what is written. For some reason it has always annoyed me.

YABU she can look if she wants
YANBU she’s a nosy cow!

I think all the card readers are the type of people why so many people don’t like having guests.

Why should a person have to hide anything personalised when company visits just incase they are the nosey type.

If I have washing on the line are you going to go outside and check I’ve hung it properly too? Make sure the socks are all paired and pants the right way up. Since it’s out on display.

Going to open that folder of work documents on my desk because it’s clearly on display rather than just being where it lives.

I like the pp that likened it to a museum. Yes my home is full of things, look but don’t touch.

You’re here as a fun guest hopefully not fbi inspector.

That seems really rude to me, and intrusive. I wouldn't read someone's wall calendar either. They are personal things for who lives there.

Exactly! Imagine “well if you didn’t want me to check what size pants you wear why did you have your washing out”

Cards are akin to letters. Just because a letter or card is on the side or on display is not an invitation. It is a message addressed to and intended for the recipient. Extremely rude to read anything addressed to someone else.

The message is on the inside of the card for a reason!

Cards on display I might comment on the pic as in ‘awwww cute bear’ or ‘beautiful flowers’ or ‘I love Winnie the oooh too’ or ‘can’t believe Sarah is 5 already’ - but never in a million years would I dream of opening and reading inside them in someone else’s house! Think that’s really rude!

I don't think you should read someone else's cards. Although they are on display, what's written inside them is private.

Surely you wouldn't pick up a letter in someone's house and start reading it?

And why do you need to read the contents of somebody else's cards?

It's just nosey!

I bet some people do 😂

Yep mine did this with my daughter’s birthday cards once - height of bad manners if you ask me. I’d never go into her house and read hers and have never had anyone else do it. She never did it again once DP told her. My own mother would have been told outright if she’d done the same before any MILs themselves complain! It was the same with birthday presents for the kids that were passed on to us through her in gift bags and not wrapped - right through them all before it came to us. It was a control thing with her - used to getting her own way with all sons and no daughter to keep her right about appropriateness - not just limited to these little issues. Again, specific to just my MIL and not MILs in general. We actually get on well despite these little niggles - I’m sure she has plenty about me 😆

I’m not a MIL. Just a normal person I think.
I’ve always assumed that if cards are on display then they want me to read them. If they are on show in someone’s bedroom I wouldn’t see them.

I don’t like the reference to MILs. Sexist and ageist.

My DMum has been known to do this! In her opinion, if the cards have been displayed, it means they're not private and can be read by visitors. I don't agree. It would (irrationally and unfairly) annoy me more if MiL did it than my own DMum!

My DM does this and it really doesn't bother me, even when she re arranges them.
I would never do the same in DDs house though!

@SocialMeeds can you write something in the next card for dh that would be uncomfortable for her to read? Something about the wild sex you had the other night etc. hopefully put her off reading others in the future.

It's not irrational. Your mum is family, it's a different relationship. It doesn't make it right, but it's a private family matter.

Your MIL is not family. She's your DH"s family, but you have as little choice with her as with a work colleague or a neighbour.

Your private business has nothing to do with her, it's an another level of rude with her.

Mine doesn't but she never visits. However my own Mum did this a lot, but it taught me to only display cards that I wouldn't mind other people reading.

I wouldn't think to read cards in other people's homes, however.

With me it's my Mum, I find it very rude and intrusive

She also used to shuffle and read stuff on my brother's desk when he lived with me. As a teen at home she would open and read my penpal letters

She also flicks through our calendar any anything on the notice board

Lady time she was here we wrote a rude list

Wash DS 's gimp mask
Polish dildo etc

How on earth is it sexist and ageist 🤣🤣🤣?

The poster mentioned her MIL as she’s the only one who does it. My MIL is the only one who does it at my house.

Plenty of PPs have mentioned DMs, DFs Dsis, and even a sexless, ageless ‘relative’

My mum does this when she visits, but somehow it doesn't feel as intrusive as if my MIL did it. I have called her out on reading my cards and she's had the grace to be embarrassed and apologise - I don't think she realises that I find it too personal when she does that.

I'm trying to recall if I do it at hers - and in all fairness I think I do 😳😳😳 - I wouldn't look beyond the cover of a valentines card though.

If they are staying my dad will wander into my room if I'm in there to talk to me with no heed as to checking if I'm decent first, and look around at everything while chatting to me which again I find too personal - but he's my much loved elderly dad just being a bit clueless rather than creepy.

I am relived that they are other people who feel this way. I am an overly sensitive person and MIL is full on so thought I was the issue. Next birthday is my son’s so we’ll see if she rummages around for that one and rearranges them so her card is more prominent!

If they are on display then I see no reason why you can't look! However, if I'm in children's houses I will ask if it's ok to read!

Why ask to read them though? It just makes the owner feel awkward if they say: 'NO, you can't read the private messages on my cards!'

Just because you've asked, doesn't make it right or a normal thing to do!

Same! I always have a read. 😂

Great example of ask culture vs guess culture.

A healthy parent-adult child relationship should be able to withstand one of them asking to read a few cards and the other feeling able to say yes or no depending on how they truly feel about it.

I'm assuming these are in your living room or hallway?

You have them displayed in a fairly public room within your house that you invited her into. If you don't want people who visit you to see the cards you're displaying, maybe don't invite, or don't display.

My family and inlaws have always looked at any cards that have been out and it's never bothered me in the slightest. Anything I didn't feel was for sharing with people who visited, I'd leave in my bedroom.

Because they’re not addressed to you? And perhaps they’re set out for the enjoyment of the person who actually received them?!

I always thought I was expressing an interest 😂 I’m hoping this is a ‘Mumsnet’ thing and I’m not just a complete weirdo!!!