Page 3 | Does your MIL do this?

SocialMeeds · 2025-02-18T22:18:03+00:00

So, if there’s been a recent event where cards have been exchanged, birthday Christmas, and most recently Valentine’s Day, MIL reads the cards that are on the window sill. She does it every time, commenting on the writing, what is written. For some reason it has always annoyed me. YABU she can look if she wants YANBU she’s a nosy cow!

LadyDanburysHat · 19/02/2025 09:11

My Mum does this. I agree that it is rude. The card is written to one person, it is not for others to read. We display them to celebrate the occasion, not for others to read.

Porcuporpoise · 19/02/2025 09:12

I wouldnt read another persons bank statement no. But neither would I leave something so private on my coffee table. Your home isn't wholly private if you invite people in so you don't put personal papers on the coffee table or your sex toys on the hall table then get bent out of shape because someone comments on them.

thepariscrimefiles · 19/02/2025 09:13

Porcuporpoise · 19/02/2025 08:22

Probably not a good idea to put private things on public display.

Putting cards up in your own home is hardly putting them 'on public display'.

If that's the case, maybe she should ban 'members of the public' i.e. her MIL from her home.

UndermyShoeJoe · 19/02/2025 09:14

I mean a sex toy on the coffee table unless hosting an ann summers party is a wee bit different to a letter or card addressed to one person from another.

Mnetcurious · 19/02/2025 09:14

Yanbu. My mum does this. I find it quite intrusive to read personal messages that people have written (obviously the majority just say “happy birthday, have a great day” etc) but anniversary cards and valentines cards etc are a bit much. It’s not enough of an issue for me to challenge her on but yes I find it irritating.

5128gap · 19/02/2025 09:15

No. My MiL doesn't do that and neither do I now I'm a MiL. Perhaps we were both off the day they delivered that part of the Things your DiL can moan about you for course. Funnily enough, my dad would do it. Perhaps he snuck in to class. If i hadnt liked it then i guess id have kept very private things off public display.

UndermyShoeJoe · 19/02/2025 09:15

Maybe everyone with a snoopy relative needs to leave something written that would offended the senses on “display”, maybe then they would stop being so nosey.

MyShinyThing · 19/02/2025 09:16

Porcuporpoise · 19/02/2025 09:12

I wouldnt read another persons bank statement no. But neither would I leave something so private on my coffee table. Your home isn't wholly private if you invite people in so you don't put personal papers on the coffee table or your sex toys on the hall table then get bent out of shape because someone comments on them.

Commenting on a lovely picture on a card is one thing, making a point of opening it up to read the personal message inside is quite another. I can't imagine how anyone could not grasp the difference.

Wsxx · 19/02/2025 09:16

SocialMeeds · 19/02/2025 09:11

I now hide hospital letters. My daughter had a letter from her dance school which she started to read, asking about whether there would be enough tickets for grandparents to see the show. I just think it’s rude.

Reading your correspondence too.

Very very rude.

Newbie8918 · 19/02/2025 09:19

Porcuporpoise · 19/02/2025 09:12

I wouldnt read another persons bank statement no. But neither would I leave something so private on my coffee table. Your home isn't wholly private if you invite people in so you don't put personal papers on the coffee table or your sex toys on the hall table then get bent out of shape because someone comments on them.

Nearly every comment here is telling you that it’s rude and they don’t like it. They are personal messages. If you saw a letter addressed to me you wouldn’t read it. It’s the same principle.

Please take it as a sign to stop doing it.

stayathomer · 19/02/2025 09:21

I did this at my friends house the other day- am 44 and not a mil😅😅😅 They’re out to be seen surely?!

edited to add it was her daughter’s cards and when she saw she hand me a running commentary on who the kids/ adult were who’d given them so she obviously didn’t mind

Georgyporky · 19/02/2025 09:22

My adult DSD used to do this, & I was unhappy but said nothing to her.
One VD, DH sent me a card with a very graphic description of his forthcoming intentions.
She never did it again !

Showdogworkingdog · 19/02/2025 09:22

I just had a terrible flashback to my first serious BF when I was 17. Sent a card to him and also wrote a special message to his dick from my…well, you get it. Anyway, he put it on the fucking mantelpiece.

UndermyShoeJoe · 19/02/2025 09:22

stayathomer · 19/02/2025 09:21

I did this at my friends house the other day- am 44 and not a mil😅😅😅 They’re out to be seen surely?!

edited to add it was her daughter’s cards and when she saw she hand me a running commentary on who the kids/ adult were who’d given them so she obviously didn’t mind

Edited

Yeah the outside. For it to look nice in the home as a celebration so they are just just hidden away straight into a draw. That would be a waste.

Porcuporpoise · 19/02/2025 09:23

Newbie8918 · 19/02/2025 09:19

Nearly every comment here is telling you that it’s rude and they don’t like it. They are personal messages. If you saw a letter addressed to me you wouldn’t read it. It’s the same principle.

Please take it as a sign to stop doing it.

Show quote history

I don't do it. I just think it's normal to take some personal responsibility for keeping my private things private. And - given the vast number of people who do seem to look at cards/correspondence that's left lying around - you'd clearly have to be a tad stupid not to.

AmeliaTangfastic · 19/02/2025 09:24

I know some people do this and I do find it a little odd. I wouldn't go all Jeremy kyle/eastenders "yer nosy cah"! about it though, so I'm not voting

user1474315215 · 19/02/2025 09:30

Whoarethoseguys · 18/02/2025 22:48

If they are displayed surely they are for people to look at. If they are private isn't it better to keep them somewhere private

Fine to look at them, not fine to pick them up or nose inside to read the messages. I do childcare in my DCs homes and wouldn't dream of reading their personal correspondence.

Newposter180 · 19/02/2025 09:30

JC03745 · 18/02/2025 22:51

It would never occur to me to read other peoples Christmas/birthday/Valentines cards! I might look briefly at the outside of a pretty Christmas card, but to pick it up and read a personal messages is beyond rude!

To those that pick up others cards and read them, do you also read other peoples post if its on the table, or their paperwork its if on a desk, or their personal emails if their computer is open??? 😕

This is how I feel! I cannot believe anyone would read cards at someone else’s house - that is honestly outrageous to me like reading someone’s mail or diary. Especially if it’s something like a valentines card.

Newbie8918 · 19/02/2025 09:31

Porcuporpoise · 19/02/2025 09:23

I don't do it. I just think it's normal to take some personal responsibility for keeping my private things private. And - given the vast number of people who do seem to look at cards/correspondence that's left lying around - you'd clearly have to be a tad stupid not to.

Show quote history

Thankfully I’m not ‘stupid’ as you kindly put it and I don’t display cards anymore for this very reason. The only people who send me cards are my DH, immediate family and a friend who lives far away and writes a lovely letter inside. They’re not for reading by visitors.

And sorry, just no! Anything in my personal home is private! Do not pick a card up and read it, in the same way you wouldn’t turn a letter pinned to the fridge to read the back. Cards are closed. Effort needs to be made by the reader to pick them up, open them and read without asking. Not ok.

Accipe · 19/02/2025 09:34

SocialMeeds · 18/02/2025 22:44

I just think it’s a bit rude. She used to glance at letters also from hospital, you know back in the days when letters were more a thing. We learnt to put those away!

My daughters do this too, if I said anything I'm sure they would imply it was a way of looking after me in my dotage!

thedogatethecattreats · 19/02/2025 09:35

She reads YOUR cards in YOUR house?

How rude is this! I can't believe people behave like that and think it's fine.
So you are supposed to hide everything because visitors can't show the most basic manners?

Who cares if they are on display, or if you have your bank statement on your desk, or a letter on the coffee table? It's unbelievably nosey and rude to go through them.
Yes people can look at the cards, but not open them and read! What's next? Checking your wardrobe and medicine cabinet?

I would be fuming if any visitor was doing that, and would not welcome them back. Actually no, I am childish, so I would get the most offensive MIL jokes in the all the cards until she gets the message

I don't read my kids mail... and we live in the same house.

BodyKeepingScore · 19/02/2025 09:37

No. Mine doesn't. And I'd be pretty annoyed if anyone came into my home and did that. If it's not addressed to them, they have no business reading any correspondence sent to someone living in my home.

thedogatethecattreats · 19/02/2025 09:37

Whoarethoseguys · 18/02/2025 22:48

If they are displayed surely they are for people to look at. If they are private isn't it better to keep them somewhere private

like ... your home? Oh wait...

MyShinyThing · 19/02/2025 09:39

I'd argue anyone that can't tell the difference between looking at a picture on a card and picking it up to read the personal message is the one that's a "tad stupid". Or possibly just being deliberately obtuse.

WigglyVonWaggly · 19/02/2025 09:39

I was taught not to read people’s mail, diaries, notebooks or cards unless invited to. The front of the card may be on display, but that’s not an invitation for other people to look inside and read something that’s not addressed to them. Do these nosy people pick up other people’s letters when they are visiting and read those too? Come on, this really is just basic manners.