We’re spending the kids inheritance

[Tuppenceabaggy]

Does anyone find it weird when parents/older people say this and so proudly?

Ive heard a few times people saying they sacrificed everything for their kids, now it’s their time…is this a bit selfish/odd? Children don’t ask to be born, do they.

Now i’m a parent, I just find my parents and some others way of doing things quite odd.

My dad worked in a good job and Dm was a sahm. I had a part time job since I was 14, if I wanted something, I had to pay for it (except clothes treats out of Christmas and birthday money) I paid for all my own driving lessons (I had a lot and it cost a fortune) I bought my own car and paid insurance etc, Dh and I got our mortgage ourselves with no help.

Now I have Dd, there’s not a lot of spare cash to go around, but I will have a savings account in the event of going to uni (if she chooses to) helping with driving lessons and first car and hopefully a little help with a first home (provided we can try our best to save for this)

I don’t want my parents money, i’m
happy to see them spend it on themselves and enjoy it a bit, but it’s just not how I see my life, everything I think about is for Dd first.

Is this just a generational thing?

YANBU Op, I always find this attitude bizarre.

My own parents are pretty well off - they bought me a car, gave me and both my siblings £35k each towards a house, recently paid for a whole family holiday, are incredibly generous with Christmas presents etc., are paying for my nephew to have driving lessons and for a residential school trip. The list goes on.

My SIL on the other hand also has well off parents but they spend it on themselves, a flat abroad, and make her pay back money they gave her that they don’t need to “teach her a lesson”.

My auntie and uncle made my cousins start paying for themselves at family meals etc the second they turned 18 because “they are adults now”

I find it bizarre - surely if you have children you want to do everything to make their lives easier. As you say, they didn’t ask to had life inflicted upon them. Different if you haven’t got the money of course

Couldn’t it be your questioning a time when parents didn’t have money to save regularly for things like uni and driving? No parent is spending their child’s inheritance they are spending their own money. People who do manage to save their money after working hard deserve to spend it how they wish

"Households with Britons aged 65 to 74 are sitting on nest eggs worth £502,500 – more than 30-fold that of Gen-Zs aged 16 to 24, who typically have £15,200.

Boomers’ wealth is also 4.6 times greater than those aged 25-34, who are mainly younger millennials, with £109,800.
Older millennials, aged 35 to 44, have fared slightly better, accumulating £209,600.
Simon Pittaway, of the Resolution Foundation, said: “You would always expect a gap between older people and younger people. But what we have seen consistently over the past 20 years is that gap has widened.”

Depends on how long they live. Really not the same thing at all. And you’re not in nursery/school 24/7.

I think if it's their earned/saved money they should feel free to spend it.
I think that if they have inherited from their own parents they should try and pay that forward. Obviously this isn't always possible with care fees etc, but if you have had a sizeable inheritance I do think it's out of order to burn through it and not do the same for your own kids.

Parents money is their money. They can do what they want.

If your parents didn't have much when you were growing up then that's how it was @Tuppenceabaggy.

I provide for my DCs - cars, holidays etc. They both live at home and pay me no keep, but that's fine, I earn enough to keep us all. But when I retire, I'll be spending what I have earned how I want to. My kids can have my money when I'm dead - well, what's left of it!

But it's their money!

Wow what an odd post

My boomer generation both worked hard, gave us lots of help with uni etc, and non financial things like helping house decorate and looking after grand children. They plan to leave an inheritance but I wish they had spent more on themselves.

It is not an age thing! Well re boomers anyway

But they also taught me the value of money. So I helped out round the house, had my own jobs etc. For driving lessons they paid for some and took me out themselves but I then I paid for the rest. I try to model this balance for my kids.

Many kids today have everything handed to them on a plate. (With the very clear exception of house prices being so high). Although I agree with helping them out when I can I would only do it if their overall attitude was fair. I loathe entitlement and you can see lots of ot on this thread

How can people know they will inherit when it could go on care homes? Unless the parents are mega rich it's very expensive. Mil's money is going on hers. My dm only had enough left to pay for her funeral.

• boomer generation parents

I will of course look after them it needed, but I won’t expect this of my Dd, I didn’t bring her into the world to look after me, I want her to live her life, she does not owe me anything…another thing Boomers seem to think.,..

It depends where the money came from - if it is family money that came down through the generations then yes they are spending the inheritance if they are not leaving anything for the next generation, but if its money they earned then they are just enjoying the fruits of their labour.

I was very thankful for the bit I got left as I had suffered some financial hardships (due to ex). I definitely want to leave whatever I have to my two kids.

We gave our son £30k when my husband retired. He will also get the house when we die which at the moment is worth £300k. So yes I am spending the rest of his inheritance...

@OMGitsnotgood ? when do you think boomers dc were born? 😆

Me too! But, I would hope that once she hopefully achieves adulthood and we’ve given all our support and money and sacrificed so much to help her future, then she can flourish and we can finally enjoy a bit of free time and be extravagant for once!!

Absolutely this. Is there actually a point in time when we can just think about ourselves?
We have 3 adult children one doesn't work due to mh issues and I do what I can for him. The other two own their own flats, which they saved the deposits for on their own and are both considerably better off than we've ever been.
My dh has a very small work pension and I was filling in a next of kin and told the two better off one's I was going to put them down as beneficiary and they both told me not to as if dh died first I would need it.
We will only have a small home to sell and no actual cash but if we did my kids would be happy for us to enjoy what's left ofour lives.
As for the Boomer insult just fuck off.

Isn't most of that difference just the cost of their house and pension pot? It's hardly the fault of one generations that house prices have risen so steeply, that's been years of public policy in the making.

The idea that 16-25 year old should have anything like the amount of money as people that very been working 40+ years is frankly bizarre.

I’m technically a boomer. My youngest was born in 2005.

Boomer seems to be a dirty word on here. It's the most bizarre, lazy bullshit - as if everyone born in a random 18 year time period is exactly the same. It's like saying all black people are selfish or all disabled people are selfish - those things wouldn't be acceptable but apparently being sweepingly ageist is.

My mum is in her 70's still working a physical job so she doesn't use up any of our inheritance. I tell her, please stop working and use the money to live on but she won't have any of it.

That only comes into play if and when you sell your house and move to somewhere cheaper. Most people don’t do that when their kids are young and living with them, so I don’t see why your house going up in value can’t mean you didn’t scrimp and save.

I know what you mean, OP. I think it is a generational difference.

I am not being bitter, my financial planning is all based on receiving no inheritance - if my parents are enjoying spending it fair play to them!

But I do notice a distinct difference in attitude. I, and a lot of my peers, already having savings accounts/uni costs/planned flat deposits etc for the kids. My financial plan always includes supporting them. My parents - well off professional types through the 80s/90s - would have never considered this.

TBF to our parents, though, in the 90s/00s you could send your chick from the nest, armed with a good education and some confidence, and they have a good chance of landing a fairly fulfilling well paid job, and eventually affording a home/family/etc.

Now I know that is extremely unlikely for my children, unless they follow increasingly narrow career paths, so I feel obliged to help them

It’s just an expression people use jokingly OP.

Sometimes it’s about justifying what looks like frivolous expenditure, because you’ve spent your life being careful and putting your family’s needs first and you suddenly have the opportunity to indulge yourself.

It very rarely means that you have no intention of leaving a penny behind.

Mine are the same, they live a good lifestyle encouraged by us, but they've helped us out as adults and continue to do so. Their money came mainly from inheritance and I know they want to pass on that good fortune, although they too have invested wisely (and obviously property has increased ridiculously since they bought in 1983!)