We’re spending the kids inheritance

[Tuppenceabaggy]

Does anyone find it weird when parents/older people say this and so proudly?

Ive heard a few times people saying they sacrificed everything for their kids, now it’s their time…is this a bit selfish/odd? Children don’t ask to be born, do they.

Now i’m a parent, I just find my parents and some others way of doing things quite odd.

My dad worked in a good job and Dm was a sahm. I had a part time job since I was 14, if I wanted something, I had to pay for it (except clothes treats out of Christmas and birthday money) I paid for all my own driving lessons (I had a lot and it cost a fortune) I bought my own car and paid insurance etc, Dh and I got our mortgage ourselves with no help.

Now I have Dd, there’s not a lot of spare cash to go around, but I will have a savings account in the event of going to uni (if she chooses to) helping with driving lessons and first car and hopefully a little help with a first home (provided we can try our best to save for this)

I don’t want my parents money, i’m
happy to see them spend it on themselves and enjoy it a bit, but it’s just not how I see my life, everything I think about is for Dd first.

Is this just a generational thing?

MN hates boomers. They’re the source of all evil because they benefited from the economic climate and other circumstances prevailing at the time. I was a boomer. Can honestly say l was never as affluent at their age as my children are now. We moved into a two up two down terrace in 1980 with a bed a table and two deck chairs. The two of us worked all the hours god sent for what we have now. We weren’t all born into privilege.

No they don't, many have boomer parents. Some do seem to have difficulty with acknowledging that things are harder now which is what attracts criticism. And some find it even harder to comprehend that this doesn't mean every boomer was privileged or didn't have it hard etc.

Absolutely this! Well said @BCBird I did the same - paid for my driving lessons from the money I earned from full-time employment... But then I guess as I'm a baby boomer I am too entitled/privileged to have a valid opinion!

No, not in my experience. I think you're getting your generations wrong. My parents, of the "Between the Wars" generation, did in fact expect us to look after them in their old age, and thought we owed them that (although they had been very generous to us before they reached old age), whereas my siblings and I, who are the Boomers of whom you disapprove so much, give what we can to our hard-working offspring and do not expect them to care for us in our old age. The only part of your post I agree with is that we did not bring our children into the world so that they can care for us in our old age and we do everything we can for them that they can have as good, if not better, lives as we have had.

I'm a young Boomer in that I was born at the tail end of the boomer years. I am retired, early, after a long and stressful career. My DC had everything - ponies, private school, great holidays and big deposits towards their first houses. So yes, they were absolutely prioritised! BUT they all worked during their teens although not while they were at uni bar holidays. If they needed help now they would absolutely get it - luckily they have great careers and earn probably more than I did.

Now I could be seen to be spending their inheritance on travel and living it up but they still get paid holidays from us, GC have investments in their name and DC will inherit property. They may not inherit much cash as I am enjoying spending it on me. If that makes me selfish with a typical 'boomer attitude' then I really couldn't give a flying fuck.

I hate lazy, rude stereotyping like this.

No one should expect an inheritance. I would far rather my parents enjoyed their lives to the full and can pay for what help and care they need now and in the future.

Why did you have kids then? You sound resentful and as though it’s something you now begrudge. Especially having a few, why didn’t you stay child free then you could have all that time and money to yourselves?

And yes, i’m sorry but it does appear to be a lot of the boomer generation and they’re known for being this way, none of my friends as parents are like this, we chose to have children and they come first.

I actually would prefer my parents spend their money on things they enjoy. I am a self sufficient grown up (at times!) and should be able to function without their inheritance. They worked bloody hard for it and should enjoy it and life while they can - they can’t take it with them.

i would be grateful for anything they leave me but I don’t expect it.

@BunnyLake but you are not every boomer 😆

I think there is balance with all of this and absolutes are unhelpful. Having money and spending it isn’t inherently ‘bad’ - but it’s hard to argue that it’s ok to have significant assets or cash (£200k+ sat in the bank, £5k after all costs each month) and children who are really struggling but who you choose not to help - I just think that’s shitty. I completely support my parents in spending their money (they have no mortgage, a house worth £650k, income of £7k a month and around £600k in the bank). However, I’m not struggling and they have helped me in different ways over the years (and would continue to if I needed it). I do have contempt for similar parents with children not as fortunate as me who get nothing. I think there is an attitude of entitlement in the UK which started with the boomers - many of whom had little post-war but amassed a great deal through the lottery of luck in life.

Is it your parents who think you owe them or are you generalising?

What generation are you then @Tuppenceabaggy ?

THIS!! Best post!!

really can’t see how anyone could dispute what this poster is saying

people need to count themselves lucky and stop begrudging their parents for finally having an easier life and money to spend on themselves!

Yes, an inheritance would certainly make my life easier (a lot easier!) but if my parents suddenly decide to sell up and live on a cruise ship, well, that's down to them. They worked for their money.

I don't think they will. My mother, in particular, wants to make sure that I'm OK but if my step-father goes before and she wishes to turn into the Merry Widow, that's down to her.

I feel as though someone is trolling. Can't be truly quite so selfish and grasping and mean-spirited about one's parents based on nothing more than 'they won't give me all their money NOW'.🤔

Maybe it’s a difference in life experience. Not sure when your parents were young adults, but maybe their world was one of hope and opportunity? There was, I believe, an expectation that the future was bright and that things would always be better for the next generation.

Right now the future looks bleak, maybe parents of today worry about and plan for their children in a way that they didn’t in the 80s or 90s (assuming that’s when you were young)

I think if it's put that way then it's a bit mean.

'I'm spending my hard earned money' means exactly that.

'I'm spending the kids' inheritance suggests that you were going to give it to them but then decided not to. Which is just mean. Just say 'I d rather spend it than pass it down, or it's my money, I'll spend it how I choose'.

Me and DH are guilty of it the other way round and tend to say 'we'd rather they benefited from our money now and get less when we die, or worse, pay taxes'

I overheard my mother in law having a right bitch about me about how I wouldn't buy her this or that and eventually all that she has is going to us anyway so why can't her just buy her this this and this.

Knocked it straight in the head. ' I have no expectations, and don't feel entitled to anything of yours. You should just buy what you want from your own money if you want something.

Best not to say anything tho.

@Porcuporpoise I never said it was their fault, why did you infer that?. The point is younger generations won't be in the same position as current boomers when they get to that age as they already have less than older generations did at the same age.

No one is obliged to leave something to their children. Though I think they could say they are seeking to make the most of later life instead of spending a possible future inheritance.

Logan Roy's thoughts on the matter:

Really?

Alongside that other famous MN Boomer attitude that is all about saving and refusing to spend money on home help or putting the heating on?

I think now you are an adult your parents can spend their money on whatever they want and I personally have no expectations of inheritance.

It sounds like you are resentful of your parents as when you were growing up they didn't support you financially when they could've afforded to? I can totally understand why that upsets you.

Xennial, but parent friends of mine are also Gen X and Millennials, all have much more investment emotionally and financially in their Dc’s lives than we all had growing up in the 80’s/90’s but this is the hope in life that we grow and improve through the generations. I love my parents, but looking back (friends will attest to this too) so many things were shocking and parents were much less invested and much more selfish than now…sorry, it has to be said

So "it's known" boomers behave inappropriately certain way - any evidence of this?

And all your friends put the kids first? Well at least you're giving some anecdotal

evidence.

When the 'Boomer' generation were young it was well nigh impossible for most people to get 'free or cheap university education.' The vast majority of children had to leave school ( Secondary Moderns) at 15 so had no chance of taking O levels ( now GCSE) let alone A levels or having a University Education. Comprehensive Schools were still coming in in the 70s ( still haven't of course everywhere.)

Discrimination against women ( blacks, Irish etc etc.) was rife so no equal pay ( often paid eg 60-75% of men's wages, they were often sacked if they married ( eg Banks) or became pregnant. There was no reliable contraception (no pill), no legal abortions, no right for a woman to get a loan or mortgage or fill in her own tax form.

Maternity leave either none existant or very meagre eg Teachers had 11 weeks before birth 7 after only. Most jobs gave none. Women were forced to take jobs such as factory or office cleaning early morning to fit in with needs of children.

Housing was appalling for years, war time damage, huge number of slums, no security, etc. The vast majority of families couldn't get a mortgage or buy their own place, exploitation of renters was rife (Rackman).

There was little job security for most eg dock workers having to line up each day and hope they might be chosen for some hours work etc. People summarily dismissed if they offended employers or complained re dangerous working conditions etc. Men and women blacklisted ( employers ganged up and refused them jobs) if they complained or joined a Union.

The rights you have now - employment rights, maternity right, education rights, protest rights etc were fought for (to their own cost) by the generation you malign.

@Tuppenceabaggy but they did make you resilient which is massively lacking in a lot of youngsters now.