We’re spending the kids inheritance

[Tuppenceabaggy]

Does anyone find it weird when parents/older people say this and so proudly?

Ive heard a few times people saying they sacrificed everything for their kids, now it’s their time…is this a bit selfish/odd? Children don’t ask to be born, do they.

Now i’m a parent, I just find my parents and some others way of doing things quite odd.

My dad worked in a good job and Dm was a sahm. I had a part time job since I was 14, if I wanted something, I had to pay for it (except clothes treats out of Christmas and birthday money) I paid for all my own driving lessons (I had a lot and it cost a fortune) I bought my own car and paid insurance etc, Dh and I got our mortgage ourselves with no help.

Now I have Dd, there’s not a lot of spare cash to go around, but I will have a savings account in the event of going to uni (if she chooses to) helping with driving lessons and first car and hopefully a little help with a first home (provided we can try our best to save for this)

I don’t want my parents money, i’m
happy to see them spend it on themselves and enjoy it a bit, but it’s just not how I see my life, everything I think about is for Dd first.

Is this just a generational thing?

Im in my 60s. My grandparents, born into poverty at the start of the 1900s, managed to help their DC with buying their first house, when houses were far cheaper than today. My parents helped me and my siblings with a couple of £K to buy our homes, I helped both my children buy their first homes. Each generation has helped the next generation, but also had a comfortable retirement in later life. None of us have had expectations that our parents would continue to hand their money over to us when we became adults.

Maybe it's because younger people see how
hard it is eg housing costs, wage stagnation so they are more likely to be aware of how expensive life will be for their dc. Birth rates are so low because some think they can't afford dc whereas people did not consider that so much in the past.

As for the 'selfish boomers' - I'm of that generation and my friends' children are all wealthier than they are.

statistically that's not the norm though.

Obviously it's absolutely her own choice but it's definitely odd when it's items she knows fine well she won't/can't use. This includes the puppy she paid 1k+ for, that we had to re home after 3mths as she couldn't look after it (which we had said beforehand). Which wasn't ideal for the puppy either really 🫠

Yet the personal fall alarm we keep suggesting? Yep, that's a waste of money apparently.

It’s quite frequently the case. Two of ours are far more financially secure than we were at their age.

One minute you say you don't care about money then go on to say why didn't they pay for?
Most parents now seem to want me time, luxuries like nails and hair cuts and clothes they really don't seem to go without.

I think it's both generational and pushing back against expectation. I'm a gen X with parents who pretty much ignored us. DM was an SAHM & has since admitted it never crossed her mind to be around to help us with anything or help us out financially, or support us academically etc. But, there's also an expectation from society that our parents should be frugal to leave an inheritance. The SKI joke is saying nah.... We're off! It's their general attitude.

We'll do anything to help our kids, but I'm still resentful of the growing social expectation that we'll delay retirement to give them house deposits. Most of DH's first home buyer clients have hefty gifts from parents to buy a home (mortgage broker).

You are a wonderful unique individual, yet the postwar generation are all cut from the same cloth. Of course they are.

Every age has its different concerns, and nursery and University costs, while substantial, are as nothing compared to care fees. Potential to increase earnings ceases in retirement, but illness and the related heating bills increase. People know they probably have a limited amount of time to enjoy travel and other things they enjoy, spending their money that they have saved by deferring pleasure.

You haven't experienced their lives or that stage of existence yet, but seem to think you know all about an entire generation. Do not extrapolate from your own family to the whole human race.

We have done plenty for our own DC, but too damn right we are planning to blow a proportion of what we've amassed over our lives. The kids will be fine and Rachel Thieves can fuck right off. Edited to add, it's damn sight more than we inherited from our parents. We were never so entitled as to criticise them for that.

Wow the irony of this post, you probably cant even see it

Talk about patronising and sanctimonious.

Its none of your business what someone does with their money and yes once someone inherits something it becomes their money. You do what you want with yours, although you've got your eyes on something already and planning away with it, feels disgracefully grabby to my mind.

I am a little confused. So, are some saying that parents who worked all their lives and raised their children to be self sufficient adults should not be allowed to spend some of the money they have saved on trips, boats, etc? They are supposed to save it until they die just so their children can have it?

Why does there seem to be some sort of free for all when the so-called boomer generation is mentioned? The generalisations and ageism are utterly shameful. Really disgusting attitude from some very bitter and entitled posters on here.

@sternocleidomastoid that's awful
but I suppose at least they are thinking of the gc.

Yes, the negative point isn't people like you. You're clearly a good financial planner, you've been considerate in putting £25k towards a deposit. You've thought about her salary etc..

There's a wide disparity. My parents didn't have much money but gave us a lot, we didn't ask for it, they just kindly chose to spend their money that way. Then there are those who will spend every penny, buy a tonne of junk no one needs, criticise the parents for working, not paying for piano lessons etc.. and then say well it's my money etc..

These are worlds apart.

How do you know your parents didn't scrimp and save when you were your DDS age?

And you'd rather they were in pain from poor dentition, or have to make do with poorly fitting and difficult to wear/use false teeth?

I tell my parents to spend my inheritance, bloody hell they started with nothing and earned every penny. I can earn my own, like they did.

This is ageist.

Yes it’s great to help with costs and to have a safety net if things go wrong but it’s not great for a young adult to be given everything in life.

Who said anything about giving them everything?

Totally agree. Most people accumulate wealth through a combination of inheritance and capital gains (out of their control) in addition to working. It's disingenuous to act as though it's all self gained and younger generations should expect nothing. Of course that's not to say older people should impoverish themselves or do without for their kids. Just a little balance really.

this

I think if sibling isn't homeless it's a personal choice. Dental implants sound like a sensible way to spend money as is a house deposit. If they'd spent it all on a cruise I'd be pissed. But they didn't.

Was just about to write something almost identical so thank you for saving me the trouble!

I’d love to know who all these ‘selfish’ boomers are, because I am a boomer and I obviously have many friends of the same age. Every single one of us has helped financially in all the ways described above and we are also providing regular, extensive childcare.

I often watch all the grandparents dropping off and picking up their grandchildren at the school gate each day and think wryly of some of the offensive ageist terminology used on here.

I think that generation often feel like kids were foisted upon them and they had little choice in the matter. Certainly in my own parents there was deep seated resentment at how much we cost them and the sacrifices they’d had to make. I feel like it’s a mix of a totally different parenting style due to the social ideas and expectations of the time - less money and what they did have they really had to work for, unexpected pregnancies resulting in marriage rather than ending the pregnancy, as certainly for my parents generation they didn’t have easy access to reliable contraception, and abortion.

My parents are better now but they seemed to stop wanting to parent me when I was only about 13! As though they simply couldn’t be arsed anymore. From that point on I had part time jobs and was expected to buy my own clothes and make my way myself. No lifts, it was as though because they’d had to struggle they really wanted to make sure I did too. Then they’d be angry and resentful again when I was in my twenties and we weren’t close and I clearly didn’t like them very much.

I know not all of them were like that but in my friends and boyfriends families, most of them were.

What makes you think you're entitled to an inheritance anyway.

@Tuppenceabaggy I think you might be a bit wrong here! I got no help from my parents and both myself and my husband are boomers. we give everything to our kids and grandkids. soon to be paying for driving lessons and purchasing a car for our oldest grandchild. paid mortage off for both. all our friends are "boomers" and have helped their kids as much as the could. I totally agree with @AuntyMabelandPippin

I feel the opposite and find it odd that so many people expect their parents to help them financially all the time. But perhaps that is a generational thing.

I got my first Saturday job at 14, through choice, and worked part-time Saturday/summer jobs until I left school. I also paid for my driving lessons, bought my first car, and bought many of my clothes as a teenager (mainly because I didn't like the clothes my parents bought me). Before my part-time jobs, I was given a small amount of pocket money but had to do chores to earn that. The only thing my parents did do was pay the deposit on my first property (but it was a very small amount as property was cheaper back then). But I was told at the time the deposit was instead of paying for a wedding if I were to get married.

I always got the impression my parents were pretty skint when I was growing up. They didn't have the money to pay for driving lessons or buy me my first car. They are financially better off now but I still want them to spend their money on themselves and enjoy what time they have left.

I feel the same OP. Not a penny from my parents from around age 14. I left home at 17. Had no help with deciding my future education. They totally checked out. My mum was a SAHP and still does not work in her early 60s. We do everything with our children in mind and will help with house deposits, car lessons and I'm even hanging onto my car as I'll be able to pass that onto my oldest in a few years. I can't get my head around their reasonings. My parents did the bare minimum, it's actually incredibly sad that they have not prioritised their children especially now as a parent myself I know how I would move heaven and hell for my children.