We’re spending the kids inheritance

[Tuppenceabaggy]

Does anyone find it weird when parents/older people say this and so proudly?

Ive heard a few times people saying they sacrificed everything for their kids, now it’s their time…is this a bit selfish/odd? Children don’t ask to be born, do they.

Now i’m a parent, I just find my parents and some others way of doing things quite odd.

My dad worked in a good job and Dm was a sahm. I had a part time job since I was 14, if I wanted something, I had to pay for it (except clothes treats out of Christmas and birthday money) I paid for all my own driving lessons (I had a lot and it cost a fortune) I bought my own car and paid insurance etc, Dh and I got our mortgage ourselves with no help.

Now I have Dd, there’s not a lot of spare cash to go around, but I will have a savings account in the event of going to uni (if she chooses to) helping with driving lessons and first car and hopefully a little help with a first home (provided we can try our best to save for this)

I don’t want my parents money, i’m
happy to see them spend it on themselves and enjoy it a bit, but it’s just not how I see my life, everything I think about is for Dd first.

Is this just a generational thing?

Generational and cultural. This isn’t the norm in many other countries. Mind you, looking after elderly parents is the norm in many other countries, which it isn’t in the uk. There isn’t the same family-centred culture, so it works both ways.

@Sunshineandalltherainbows If, as a teacher, you wish to tell parents what they are doing wrong, please could you correctly use apostrophes. Also it is "you" not "yourself" in your final paragraph.

Please sort out the tools of your own trade before you start telling parents how best to do theirs.

Tell this to the Italians or Asians, for instance, where the role of family is central to their culture. I think they’d disagree.

Italian culture includes the concept of intergenerational support. It's not just about parents bleeding money to their children.

You are not a bad parent. I’m sure your children would prefer to see you happy and comfortable than giving what you can’t afford to give. You are doing what you can, but some prefer to ignore their children’s struggles when they could help. It’s also about the ‘I earned it’ attitude, which it doesn’t sound like you have.

Same in Spain.

Apologies for any typos or grammatical errors. I am responding on a forum not writing a professional email or letter.

I take it you feel attacked by my opinion? I am not saying this is all parents or all children but to go on the attack straight away is telling.

How lovely that you will use the resources to make memories with your family that will long after you have gone. I hope to do the same for my adult children.

Tell this to the Italians or Asians, for instance, where the role of family is central to their culture. I think they’d disagree I hear you on this, although there are areas where I think British culture has it more right. In Spain, which is very similar to Italian culture, there are a lot of adult males (always the sons) living at home with their mothers still doing everything for them. This is infantilising grown men. All the women I know who live at home are expected to help out with the domestic chores. This could have something to do with the very high divorce rate here because men are not mature and ready to do their fair share at home! They have been spoiled and treated like children for more years than they should. I do think the closeness of family here and it being the norm to look after elderly parents is a good thing.

Ultimately karma doesn’t care how old or young you are, if you are a selfish shit it will come to bite you one day.

I think it's really lovely that you want to help your children. I do too!! However, there will need to be some.balance as I have worked hard to be able to enjoy some of the perks of my earnings ans financial prudence.
The only thing I would say seems a but mismatched in your post is saying that there isn't much money to spare, but you want to help with uni, driving, car, house deposit etc. Don't get me wrong, I plan on doing all those things but it takes a very significant amount of monthly saving over a long time to be able to support in this way. I'm wondering if your child is still quite small and whether you have a mismatched idea of what you want to be able to do compared to your income. I just say this as you may find that it is harder than you think!

Oh the hypocrisy. You were complaining bitterly about people burning up money on travel in their retirement being “disgusting” and “feckless” earlier in the thread. Now, because your generation benefits it’s lovely and memory making.

What a horrible, sanctimonious nothing of a post. Just because someone thinks differently to you. Ad hominem attacks contribute sod all to a discussion.

I could make life very easy for my DD, but my wife is very against it. She believes that inherited wealth kills striving, and I can see her point. We both left home young and worked hard. She wants the same for our DD. I can sort of see the point.

Oh, it was higher than x3!!!!

Yeah, while there are arguments about the way the housing market is broken and generational inequalities (which some dismiss as whining in a "eat less smashed avocado" way) it is also their money that they can spend or pass on as they wish. To describe it as "spending the kids inheritance"... it is tongue in cheek humour but it's nasty humour.

the suicide rate in England and Wales has declined by 21% since 1981 (in case you weren't aware of this)

Oh, it was higher than x3!!!!

Not in my experience and in fact was discussing this at our book club only last week, all in our 60s .... 2.5 times wasn't uncommon, 3 was the max any of us were offered. Same both times I applied for a mortgage, second was with a deposit and joint with DH and it was still only 3 times

Not at all but they weren't typos, they were a fundamental misunderstanding of the correct use of the English language. A foundation skill that teachers are paid to teach. It identifies the difference between the well qualified and the well educated. It is precisely why we removed our children from state education. Notwithstanding the fact that our moral and social ethos of hard work and the importance of family was not being underpinned.

Paradoxically dd is now a teacher of English and whilst she may share your views in relation to some parenting, she is able to use the English language correctly.

Our children are not only equipped through an excellent education to make their own lives, they have been, and will in the future, be very well provided for. Thankfully they are neither greedy nor bitter.

The reputable banks offered no more than 3x salary. There were independents around at the time offering up to 5x but the interest rate went up significantly and few could afford that after base rates shot up from 11% to over 15% almost overnight after Thatcher was elected.

Our first house cost just shy of £15,000. At the time our combined annual salary was under £5000 and we had to save for a 20% deposit to get the mortgage - £3000. Without a bit of help from parents we’d have struggled. Our mortgage took up the whole of my monthly salary and we both took on extra jobs and overtime to make ends meet. When we sold, 25 years later our little house fetched £150,000 but we had to spend more than that to upgrade even modestly. So everything is relative. MN hates boomers but like it or not, it wasn’t the gravy train everyone thinks it was.

Relative to the size of the population though. The suicide rate in England and Wales has declined by 21% since 1981, but most of the decline was before 2000 and it’s since started to increase again. The rates are now the highest since 1999.

Magnificently said !!

Yeah! All Irish people are stupid, all Scottish people are alcoholics, and all Baby Boomers are selfish! Talk about negative stereotyping 🙄

Could you tell me where mine is then please?

FYI I have supported my kids and they are ALL more financially secure than I have ever been after my feckless money grabbing husband and left us for £££

Exactly. Some families in the UK are very family-centred, but the majority are not. The self centred ‘we worked for our money’ attitude is the problem. As if their loved ones aren’t working hard for their money. Many people work extremely hard, but the times and the opportunities are different now. It’s the same as the ‘we’ve raised our children, you raise yours’ attitude. Of course, each generation have had their own struggles, but why should you compete with your children on who had it hardest? It’s this attitude that I can’t understand. Why not just do the best for our families and be there in times of need, whether that’s as children, adults or elderly? It doesn’t mean giving your children endless handouts, many people couldn’t afford that anyway. Instead, have empathy, care and understanding for your family so they feel valued and supported. Just doing what you can. While I was struggling, I had to hear about how difficult my parents were finding it to sell their third home. I would have preferred them to be more discreet. Some level of understanding would have been nice. Also, not once have my parents looked after my children, read a book to them or even visited them. We are obliged to visit them, like we will be obliged to care for them when they’re elderly - and we will.