We’re spending the kids inheritance

[Tuppenceabaggy]

Does anyone find it weird when parents/older people say this and so proudly?

Ive heard a few times people saying they sacrificed everything for their kids, now it’s their time…is this a bit selfish/odd? Children don’t ask to be born, do they.

Now i’m a parent, I just find my parents and some others way of doing things quite odd.

My dad worked in a good job and Dm was a sahm. I had a part time job since I was 14, if I wanted something, I had to pay for it (except clothes treats out of Christmas and birthday money) I paid for all my own driving lessons (I had a lot and it cost a fortune) I bought my own car and paid insurance etc, Dh and I got our mortgage ourselves with no help.

Now I have Dd, there’s not a lot of spare cash to go around, but I will have a savings account in the event of going to uni (if she chooses to) helping with driving lessons and first car and hopefully a little help with a first home (provided we can try our best to save for this)

I don’t want my parents money, i’m
happy to see them spend it on themselves and enjoy it a bit, but it’s just not how I see my life, everything I think about is for Dd first.

Is this just a generational thing?

sounds like my parents! My dad retired at 55 with a golden handshake and final salary pension. Mum never worked but says she’s “retired”. Like you OP i have worked since 14, from 17 paid rent to my parents, left school after alevels, put myself through driving lessons, bought my own car paid for my insurance. Took myself off travelling for 18 months where I worked my way round Australia and New Zealand to fund it. Came home, put myself through university, worked as a cleaner to fund this alongside a student loan. Met my partner, rented, worked several jobs to save for a deposit. Bought a cheap flat and worked our socks off to renovate.Saved and paid for our own modest wedding and now have 2 beautiful children and work really hard to provide for them, pay the mortgage on a modest little house, the car, and all the other things that come with being an adult! Our holidays are have mostly been in the uk and I whilst I try hard to instill value into my kids I do not want them to struggle like I did! My parents paid their mortgage off many moons ago, have a car each, go on several overseas holidays a year, hardly ever see the grandchildren and have every intention of spending every last penny!
yes they are a selfish generation but I don’t think I would want it any other way. Hand on heart, we have worked hard for the little we have and at times it’s been hard - but we appreciate it. But I will definitely be helping out my kids when I can and if I can afford it. Life is hard enough as it is these days - but in all honesty I just think my parents are oblivious! When I mention how expensive things are they just remind me of the time when I was a child and mortgage interest rates hit 14% and they managed 😂

Well said

True

Lol.

The ability to parrot with nothing of your own to say is rife.

I'm a boomer and definitely not doing this.
And I don't insult people because of their accident of birth.

I wish my parents would spend more of their money rather than hoarding like they hoard everything else in their life. Sure, I’ll inherit it one day , probably when I’m already retired myself but it just seems so wasteful for it to sit there when they have so many things in their house they need to spend money on.

Yes, money / inheritance aside I find that generations selfishness mind boggling. If you think you’ve ’done your time’ by having kids you shouldn’t have had any. They are the people who shipped their kids to their parents every weekend but would hate to commit to that for their grandkids because it’s ’their time now’.

on the inheritance, it’s often money THEY inherited that they’re spending also, not their hard earned cash.

Absolutely the same.

I can't imagine just being handed hundreds of thousands of property value increase that was nothing to do with my ability, simply my being alive and able to purchase at that time, then watching my 20 something yr old children struggle with my grandchildren, spouting that I "earned" my money so they need to as well, as I book my third holiday of the year.

I don't owe them anything no. But what a selfish and miserable way to be a parent.

Thank you for your ageist attitude.

Post reported.

So what do you suggest someone like me whose house is only worth about £120K does? I cannot sell it and downsize as this is the arse end of the housing market or I could flog it, give my adult child the money and go and live in a tent! Please try and understand that not everyone in this age group lives in a mansion worth a small fortune. If I did I would sell it and free up some cash for my adult child becuase of course I love then and want to help them but I am not in any way well off. I do what I can They are buying a property and I am going to buy them an washing machine and a few bits of soft furnishings. I appreciate that I am an utter failure and a bad parent for not being awash with money but i have tried to do my best in what has been a difficult and challenging life.

The spectre of care home costs keeps many people from spending/giving away their assets.

None of us knows our fate, and if stroke, illness, dementia strike, it's better to have money for quality skilled care.

That's one circumstance though, against the majority grain. And it makes you in no way a failure.

Of course there are differences here and there. We are talking about the general behaviours and common place stereotypes. The rule, rather than the exceptions, so to speak.

Your life sounds perfectly normal and hardly a "struggle."

Rude and ageist.

Maybe not choosing to produce three kids you can't afford to house would have been prudent, eh? Your parents aren't responsible for ameliorating extravagant lifestyle choices.

so yeah, boomers suck.

Get a grip. Your parents sound self-absorbed and mean. You have been unlucky.
But this does not mean that everybody else their age behaves that way too.

That would have a lot more impact of it wasn't for the poster immediately above you unfortunately "behaving that way."

Selfish people are selfish throughout their lives.

My mum has shared each small inheritance she has received with my sibling and I. We do not expect this but it has been helpful.

I agree in a way it is odd to say that, more because it is illogical since the inheritance doesn't exist until they die, so they are spending their own money, not the kids inheritance (and you cannot spend the money locked up in your home anyway). Even when they do die, they could be leaving everything to charity so the kids could end up with nothing, an inheritence is a privilige, not a right. The way some people use the phrase sends off a red flag to me about their personality, it comes across as getting joy out of the perception of disappointing those who are what I would think would be their nearest and dearest. It is like the grow-old-disgracefully meme which is just a way of using your existance on the planet for some number of decades as an entitlement for being obnoxious purely because you are no longer accountable to anyone and find being polite/civil/courteous too much effort.

I think it is different generations, different attitudes. Boomers worked hard and standards of living went up during their lifetimes and they benefited - but so did their children. The children of boomers started out with washing machines and tvs and family cars as normal - boomers not so much. Younger generations always seem more privileged than the one before in terms of advancing standards of living / better consumer toys. I am always staggered that so many kids get cars as standard for their 17th birthdays and parents pay their mobile bills while they are way into their twenties. It is very generous but you shouldn’t be obliged.

I assume you reply by asking how much houses cost when interest rates were 14% compared to today, how affordable they think houses were compared to today and how easy it was for young people to put a deposit aside and get a mortgage compared to today. They won't be able to answer those questions without revealing that comparing now to the 1990's recession by only looking at interest rates is completely illogical.

In any case even if older people intend to leave wealth to their younger family it won't necessarily work out that way. If they need to go into a care home, that will rip through any potential inheritance very quickly, nothing is guarenteed.

It’s unfortunate that your parents are so unsympathetic toward you if those are your circumstances but there are many who are helping their children. If you haven’t personal experience of it just listen to some on this thread.

But I find it interesting this fixation on Boomers’ unearned and apparently undeserved acquired property wealth. It’s so undeserved that the kids think they are entitled to it 🤔

I agree with the poster who said it is a personality thing not an age thing. My mother is her late 70 and she will always help her kids if needed, for example when I got divorced, I had difficulties getting a mortgage as couldn't get life insurance, my mother was willing to gift me the money but I managed to sort it out without having recourse to her. I applied the same to my kids, I am helping them as much as I can. I am grateful that my parents never charged me any rent when living with them, paid for my third level course. I am doing the same for my kids, I am grateful that I had a good solicitor who made sure that there was provision made for the kids otherwise ex husband will have stop paying anything once the kids are 18. He is obliged to do it until they are 23 if in full time education. He is not happy about it but I don't care, he is earning double than me and even with the maintenance for the kids he has more disposable income than me and still can't stop complaining that he has no money.

What a load of rubbish!