We’re spending the kids inheritance

[Tuppenceabaggy]

Does anyone find it weird when parents/older people say this and so proudly?

Ive heard a few times people saying they sacrificed everything for their kids, now it’s their time…is this a bit selfish/odd? Children don’t ask to be born, do they.

Now i’m a parent, I just find my parents and some others way of doing things quite odd.

My dad worked in a good job and Dm was a sahm. I had a part time job since I was 14, if I wanted something, I had to pay for it (except clothes treats out of Christmas and birthday money) I paid for all my own driving lessons (I had a lot and it cost a fortune) I bought my own car and paid insurance etc, Dh and I got our mortgage ourselves with no help.

Now I have Dd, there’s not a lot of spare cash to go around, but I will have a savings account in the event of going to uni (if she chooses to) helping with driving lessons and first car and hopefully a little help with a first home (provided we can try our best to save for this)

I don’t want my parents money, i’m
happy to see them spend it on themselves and enjoy it a bit, but it’s just not how I see my life, everything I think about is for Dd first.

Is this just a generational thing?

I think buying your own clothes, car, driving lessons is normal…. Only very lucky people have everything paid for for them!….
My parents worked hard their whole adult lives & if they choose to sell up and spend our inheritance having a happy retirement then great!… better that than it going on care home fees when they’re old and decrepit!

Well, I am part of the Boomer generation and I help my DC as much as possible! I don't want much for myself, so am happy to help them out when I can. They are both very independent though, particularly my DS who usually refuses if I offer to buy anything for his home etc. Hopefully, they will inherit my house, providing I don't end up in a care home.

I have housed my three children. Never have they gone without anything they needed. Myself and my husband work hard to ensure it and we will continue to do so, for as long as they need. We chose to have our ‘extravagant lifestyle choices’ before a mortgage because that’s what was realistic for us at the time. Same for my dad’s (79) parents who brought up their five children in a council house. In your eyes, I should forget dreams of motherhood and stay childless because I can’t afford a mortgage. I’m sure my parents probably feel the same. Your attitude proves my point, really - you lack empathy and understanding. Clearly, not all boomers do, but there’s many out there with your attitude. Even though I’ve chosen to “produce three children I can’t afford to house”, they will always feel my love and support, however I can. Times are hard for us now, but I know it won’t be like this forever. And, I actually appreciate the fact I’ve had to struggle - it’s made me more empathetic and given me strength of mind. I agree with you though, my parents are not responsible for my choices. However, it, simply, doesn’t stop me feeling that I want to do more to support my own.

You’re probably right. I’m going off my own experiences and perhaps I shouldn’t generalise.

So consumed by resentment of one generation’s gain that you continue to dismiss and trivialise their struggles.

All the Oh Woe is Me. No one’s ever had it as bad.

Perhaps your parents are turned off by your attitude.

I’m a boomer and I seriously struggle with the hurtful insults thrown about by some posters. To unite and make unfair comments about a whole generation on the back of their single experience and to make such cruel generlised comments is uncalled for and not empirical in any way.

And you call someone rude... 🤦‍♀️

Except younger generations are not privileged at all, they are actually worse off than previous generations 🤷‍♀️ moneyweek.com/economy/uk-economy/uk-millennials-are-worse-off-than-previous-generations

We have spent a lot of time organising our finances so that our kids can greatly benefit.

But I am re- thinking this position.

They have had the benefit of a good education, are at good unis, get support and will get help to get a foot on the property ladder.

There is value in people being ambitious and independent, solving their problems etc all of which I think can be dulled by an obvious safety net and the knowledge that they’re going to acquire from their parents.

Also, as a pp has said, people are so busy looking after their own lives and children that they hardly have time to care for parents.

So we will have to try to ensure that we have enough to take care of ourselves rather than focusing on our kids and leaving old age provision to a wing and a prayer.

If this is the approach we ultimately take I do hope our children will deal with this graciously rather than ranting about how selfish we are.

I'm just wondering if say the Italians would understand anything that's been said on this thread... and I can't stop laughing tbh 😂

Oh this thread. I can't even. Is it the entitlement, the ageism, the crass generalisations or the lack of class consciousness that is getting to me most?

Those of you who are lucky enough to have parents swimming in money will probably inherit one day, a place of considerable privilege compared to those who don't. That is unless it all goes in care home fees. You know we could prevent that by paying loads more tax for adult social care. That would protect all these precious inheritances and support those boomers who are and have always been poor.

Oh, you don't want to? But I thought you were the unselfish generation?

OP, it's nature's way to make you feel, when your kids are tiny, that there is nothing you wouldn't do for them, ever. As they grow up things change, including your appreciation of the importance of letting them do stuff for ourselves. You should also recognise that a generation or so ago young people had much better prospects of making their way in the world without the bank of mum and dad. That has changed, for political and economic reasons, not because people born in the postwar years were all just horrid.

I'm a boomer myself, 75, and have looked after myself pretty much from the age of 14. Mum died when I was little and dad although kind just saved all his money and help me very little.I didn't resent that at all. I did inherit quite a bit but quite honestly I wish he had enjoyed his money a bit more!
I was widowed quite young but didn't work a lot when the children were young. We were very poor but in those days a lot of us 'got by' rather than have a great lifestyle. I very rarely asked for help, still don't.
I've not been able to help the children in big ways though I would say I'm generous as much as I can be. I'm still working at 75 to supplement my pension. I can't downsize as my eldest child has 'returned ' home due to debt etc and she needs a lot of support. I can't do otherwise really...I enjoy having her here anyway .
I have a house, nothing special but hopefully I will be able to leave it to the children.
I find some of my peer group quite selfish but I know they will have worked hard and not had a lot of leisure when their children were young, so why not enjoy themselves?

Hi all.

I'm a Boomer. Grateful recipient of the Attlee Govt's NHS, Education & Welfare State,(alas, not also a council house). Fickle finger Of Fate meant c'hood was v poor, shit happened, left school early & went to work.
Determined that DD would have better chances, and she did. Inc:- private education(reluctantly & w great difficulty); supported at home thru'out uni; student loan invested in ISA to fund later MA; rent-free accomm till moved out age27; sizeable boost to deposit for first flat (from own down-size after bereavement).

I am, by no means, unusual.

Many of us "selfish boomers" put our DCs first and gained the deepest pleasure in their success and achievement.
I am so happy that my DD finally met DSIL and will be ok after I've popped off.

Things are so different now. Young ones have it so hard. Yes, some Boomers are selfish Daily Mail readers. But we're not all like that.

Are you kidding? Pay more taxes so long living Boomers can be taken care off?
No social care and old age provision for them but we’ll take their undeserved property wealth thank you!

Any money I inherited whilst my kids were young just got used up...we are not talking a fortune and bringing up 3 kids on widowed parents allowance and what part time work I could fit in around school wasn't particularly easy.
Very wrong to generalise about the older generation.

It’s not boomers that suck. It’s your attitude.But why have 3 kids if you couldn’t afford them .

MaggieTheCat, that is my point. You WILL be taking their undeserved property wealth as inheritance, or in them paying their own social care costs so we don't have to.

I'm as upset as anybody that young people have it so tough now - I have two kids in their late teens, and I'm not wealthy. But the wealth that some (not all) boomers made from property will be shared with and passed down to their children, so feeding the yawning inequalities in our society. Vertical inequality is eaten for breakfast by horizontal inequality, but you'd never guess that from these threads. Absolutely ridiculous to pretend that entire generation were just awful people.

Entitled, lazy whiners.

You know how my dad got ahead of? He worked in an auto factory by day and drove a truck from 6pm to 1am, for 10 years, while renting a room from a family member. After three years military service. He didn't marry or have my sister and me till he was 35. Worked and saved.

My mother was from a poor family with rats, no heat, very little food mostly from kindly neighbours, an alcoholic father and passive depressed mother who kept popping out kids and seldom got up out of bed in the morning.

My mum started weeding gardens at age 10 for food money, lied about her age at 14 to waitress in a cafe and got a secretarial job in the auto industry at age 17. She worked till she died of cancer at age 68.

Any whiny fucker who thinks they or I, who also worked from age 14, don't deserve the fruits of our labours, can take a flying leap. You don't have a clue.

If you want a particular lifestyle, get out there and work for it. Learn self-discipline and delayed gratification instead of standing there with your greedy hands out. Hustle.

Most boomers had little or no help from parents, who in turn had nothing. Most started working at 15/16. A huge percentage of house purchases are financed by the bank of mum and dad. If they want to spend their money then why not?

I'm 60 and right at the end of this "boomer" label. I have worked all my life and would give my last penny to make sure my DCs are happy and healthy. Now they are adults, we have discussed the future as a family. The house can be sold to pay for any care, and we have all agreed to spend our savings now on fun trips to create wonderful memories. In addition, when DH retires we are planning a 6 month trip for all of us. Both my DD and DS have said they would rather spend time with us now than a lump of money once we are no longer around. My cousins are 10 years older than me and equally putting their DCs first. No idea why anyone would think boomers are selfish uless it is just one or 2 bad apples as there are with every generation.

To be honest, it's better that parents spend their money and enjoy it whilst they still can, because when they get older and need either care at home or to go into a care home, any money they have left is likely to go on fees.

considering boomers have taken all the wealth so there is nothing for younger people it seems a fair view“
What a ridiculous comment. Think again about who in this society have ‘taken all the wealth’ and educate, yourself.

I could not agree more.

Exactly.

From my experiences as a teacher the shift in parenting and being very involved has caused a crisis amongst children.
They have poor resilience to any remotely challenging situation as parents have made life east for them and sorted their problems out for them. I understand parents do this to be kind and be more involved than their own parents. It has, however, had a an undesired effect and many children are now unable to hear the word no and don't understand why they are not the most important person in a class of 30 and neither do parents who feed this behaviour.
It's a tale as old as time complaining about parent's generation. It will come back the other way and your way of parenting will be complained about in years to come.

You seem very stuck in your ways and unable to see how people could think differently to you.
How old os your child? Your opinions and take on this will change as both yourself and your child get older. You may think they won't but they definitely will.