We’re spending the kids inheritance

[Tuppenceabaggy]

Does anyone find it weird when parents/older people say this and so proudly?

Ive heard a few times people saying they sacrificed everything for their kids, now it’s their time…is this a bit selfish/odd? Children don’t ask to be born, do they.

Now i’m a parent, I just find my parents and some others way of doing things quite odd.

My dad worked in a good job and Dm was a sahm. I had a part time job since I was 14, if I wanted something, I had to pay for it (except clothes treats out of Christmas and birthday money) I paid for all my own driving lessons (I had a lot and it cost a fortune) I bought my own car and paid insurance etc, Dh and I got our mortgage ourselves with no help.

Now I have Dd, there’s not a lot of spare cash to go around, but I will have a savings account in the event of going to uni (if she chooses to) helping with driving lessons and first car and hopefully a little help with a first home (provided we can try our best to save for this)

I don’t want my parents money, i’m
happy to see them spend it on themselves and enjoy it a bit, but it’s just not how I see my life, everything I think about is for Dd first.

Is this just a generational thing?

Based on the simple premise that her own parents paid feck all for their home and several other properties! Most of us have barely managed to buy one home, never mind a whole portfolio. OK, by the time the 25-year term is up the mortgage is paid off, but paying the mortgage and all the other bills in the early years was a slog, just as it is now.

Everyone constantly told my grandad to spend up, 'you can't take it with you' was a common quote. Non of them sat rubbing hands together and expecting stuff.

There is something quite morbid, gross and uncouth about thinking of the riches you'll get off your parents death and bemoaning them enjoying THEIR money in their lifetime.

This, to me, is a key point.
"spending the money I earned myself" - hard to begrudge anyone
"spending the family money I didn't earn, but inherited, so I'll have a fine old time but you'll inherit less than I did" - hard to respect.

My grandmother's advice to parents whose young adult children were struggling to establish themselves in careers or getting married was "give them as much as you can now, because now is when they need it". My parents instead chose to hoard and spend inherited wealth. Anything I inherit from them at some point in my 50s or 60's will make fuck all difference to my life - the dice have been rolled. Some help in my 20s or early 30's would have made an enormous difference. I'll be doing what my grandmother advised, not repeating my parent's selfishness.
I would much rather see my children benefit from the help I can give, while I am still alive and they are young enough for it to make a difference, than hoard and gloat over wealth I don't need until I'm dead and gone.

This perfectly sums up my feelings and situation.

Such a middle class attitude. My parents were boomers, working class lived hand to mouth never owned a house or had savings. Were better off in older years as they didn’t have kids to feed and they inherited a small amount of money from a distant relative which they quietly right enjoyed spending. I inherited nothing and wouldn’t have wanted to. I have great satisfaction in saying that I’ve worked bloody hard for what I have. My DH has had a similar upbringing. Our kids will inherit unless we have care costs but I also plan on living life to the full when I retire and I hope my children have the same attitude we had which is to take personal responsibility for our own financial security. Yes we would hope to help them get started in life but taking responsibility for your own life is self care and can bring a lot of satisfaction.

Yes i did, lived in a town of 45,000, we lost the fishing fleet, fish market and ice factory, hundreds of jobs gone overnight. The steel works, 2000 jobs gone, 4 local pits, 1000s of men on the dole. Many other heavy industry job were lost also, all within a few years. It decimated our town and it has never recovered. Yet you think it was easy street.

So to everyone posting on this thread who went through tough times in the 70s & 80s. When you were struggling to afford the mortgage or money for normal day to day items, did you parents say to you. 'just booked a holiday, spending your inheritance!'

That is the point of the OP, and many others, about how unpleasant this boomer joke is. I honestly never want to hear it with another cruise booking ever again. Happy you are spending your savings, and enjoying retirement but the inheritance comment is crass.

We own the house we live in, and as my DM died at 89 six months ago, my sister and I are selling her two-up, two-down in an ordinary town, for 215K, which once the reverse equity is repaid will leave about £160k. I have deeded my share of the proceeds to my DC. DM bought the house at 59, with help from me, because she otherwise was renting. In 1991, it cost £38k but the plumbing, wiring and windows had had no attention in 15 years and all needed replacing, so another £10k with work done at mates rates. And it saw her out; DM worked as a MH carer, PT, until she was 78, and lived 11 years retired, mostly in decent health. She wasn't poor, but it was not luxurious. Few holidays, the odd day out with the garden club on a coach trip, but enough to eat properly.

Well, I can tell you with certainty that our parents were not begrudging our grandparents any amenities or experiences, nor were they eyeballing our grandparents assets hoping for a handout.

Isn't there just.

I'd be ashamed to look in the mirror.

With help from pension credit topping up her pre-2016 pension, she even stayed warm-ish.

My house is my own the kids can have that when I go but if there's any cash then I'll spend it on my, I haven't slogged my tripe out for nothing. I would like to think in the future when I'm a little better off that I could help my children then I would, my daughter keeps talking about a car but is still in college and hasn't even got a job so it's tough, she can't have a car it's that simple.

We are boomer parents. I don't think we are selfish.. We funded uni costs, driving lessons, clothing, car insurance, property deposits and anything else they needed then. Now we have not-very-extravagant holidays, and pay for family meals out and give moderately generous birthday presents. We hope that we will be able to pay for our own care home costs and still leave them something after our deaths when they sell our house.

Perhaps I've missed the point but just to say I'm almost 60 and I don't have kids but have DNieces and one Great Niece. Their dad/grandad is my brother and we both had lots of support from our parents in all ways. When DNieces were younger I was in process of building career/mortgage but had some disposable income to take them out and about for special days out - I have always been blessed with a wonderful relationship with both of them and my Great Niece. I am making the best provision I can for them when I die, but both of the DNieces always tell me that they want me to spend my money on myself.

When you were struggling to afford the mortgage or money for normal day to day items, did you parents say to you. 'just booked a holiday, spending your inheritance!'

Mine never knew what a struggle it was because they weren’t told. We had too much pride and self respect to let them know.

Pride is the worst of seven deadly sins 😂

Hmm, not sure about this.

We’ve spent loads on our kids; private schools, hobbies, developing talents, top unis, rent and allowance, basically anything they need.

However, after graduation they HAVE to get a job and pay their own way. We can’t pay for them forever. Unless there is a global crisis, I’m not paying for my DC as adults. They need to stand on their own 2 feet. I’ll help a bit with deposits, weddings and give practical childcare help.

I’m not scrimping as a pensioner to pass on money. I’ll enjoy my spare cash. As far as I’m concerned I’ve set my DC up with a good education, a stable loving home and other things and they shouldn’t need my help.

And that may be as true today as it was for you.
My parents don't know how DH & I finance our lives, they never ask. We never volunteer. But they must know we rarely go away, just squander our earnings on Netflix and Primark.

And your point is?

You attribute pride but clearly your parents were respectful enough to not rub your nose in it during your financially stretched times.
I also chose pride but my Boomer parents, and clearly lots of their peers, do like to highlight their spending power but use the term 'inheritance'.
I find this privileged, crass and with no attempt to check their current privalage. At that point, the past is irrelevant we are discussing the present.

You were the one who asked about the past. Clearly you didn’t get the answer you wanted. 🤷‍♀️

I totally agree, let's blame "selfish boomers" for everything. So entitled and in my opinion and its the gen x that are selfish.

Well my parents are both boomers. My late father wouldn’t spend a penny of his money on himself or anyone, including me. I did his shopping and got back what I spent to the penny. Would meet for lunch but buy my own. He owned his house but was the scruffiest on the street as he wouldn’t do any maintenance or pay for any. He barely had any furniture inside. Took after his mother like that as she had a very sparse house. When he died we were shocked as to how much money he had saved on top of owning his house. Enough for me to pay off my mortgage, debts, and put some away for my kids. So no. He didn’t spend my inheritance.

My DM is still alive. She owns her own home and loves very comfortably. She always insists on paying if we go out. Pays for activities for my kids. Buys my kids expensive gifts for Xmas and birthdays. So he’s she’s spending but she’s spending on all of us. She also has savings put away for my children. She’s paid for her funeral in advance. She maintains her house really well. She worries about dipping too much into her savings some days but we do tell her to spend what she needs and wants to now. She often says she wants to see us enjoy our inheritance whilst she’s alive. She has leant and gifts us money for big purchases. Often offers to lend more but we say no. The majority of our inheritance is tied up in her house and she keeps debating about downsizing, offering to let me move into her house and then I can sell up and buy her a smaller house instead. Loads of variations on a theme.

so no. Not someone spending our inheritance either.

I have no kids but I do have a nephew.His parents are a lot better off than we are. I don’t see why I should prioritise him over my own possible future care needs. He will get what’s left over,

I agree that they have earned their money and they can spend it how they wish, however it doesn’t diminish the feeling of resentment I have towards my own parents and how they haven’t ever tried to help out in really hard times (they are boomers).

My parents owned three houses at one point whilst I was struggling in rental housing with three young children. They sold one house and have two houses now, one (very large) house here and a holiday home abroad.

Luckily, I was fortunate enough to get a council house when we were at our lowest which we are so grateful for. My parents haven’t a clue the struggles we’ve been through and they prefer to ignore it. They have had an extremely comfortable life and they prefer to live comfortably for themselves - which is fine I guess, but I still can’t help but feel that I would never let my three children struggle like I have, NEVER. I will always go without before they do. I know how tough life can be.

so yeah, boomers suck.