We’re spending the kids inheritance

[Tuppenceabaggy]

Does anyone find it weird when parents/older people say this and so proudly?

Ive heard a few times people saying they sacrificed everything for their kids, now it’s their time…is this a bit selfish/odd? Children don’t ask to be born, do they.

Now i’m a parent, I just find my parents and some others way of doing things quite odd.

My dad worked in a good job and Dm was a sahm. I had a part time job since I was 14, if I wanted something, I had to pay for it (except clothes treats out of Christmas and birthday money) I paid for all my own driving lessons (I had a lot and it cost a fortune) I bought my own car and paid insurance etc, Dh and I got our mortgage ourselves with no help.

Now I have Dd, there’s not a lot of spare cash to go around, but I will have a savings account in the event of going to uni (if she chooses to) helping with driving lessons and first car and hopefully a little help with a first home (provided we can try our best to save for this)

I don’t want my parents money, i’m
happy to see them spend it on themselves and enjoy it a bit, but it’s just not how I see my life, everything I think about is for Dd first.

Is this just a generational thing?

I think you need to change your title to My parents are spending my inheritance! You obviously have major issues with the way you were brought up and you say you love your parents but it doesn't sound like it. Please stop generalising about different generations. It's like me saying all young parents today are always looking at their phones, spending their money on new cars and lattes, having fake tans, wearing false eyelashes and keeping their kids off school, because they can't be arsed to get dressed in the morning - that's just as ludicrous as what your saying about my generation.

So you haven’t read the posts where pp have said they are ‘burning’ through the money? And it’s their money despite it also being an inheritance to waste.

You should be doing much more as a generation to acknowledge the obvious disparity.

Christing Christ.

For a very short period. Then it fell and fell and fell.

Your. House. Was. Proportionally. A. Fiver.

@Devon24 You do realise that this money they’re “burning” so irresponsibly as you put it is the money that’s left over AFTER they’ve paid tax on what they’ve earned at over 40% for over 40 years?!?

Unless you think they should give that away too?

And for what’s it’s worth I think my Dad has paid his dues to society after saving hundreds of lives throughout his career as a surgeon. (He even saved lives of people like you). He’s more than earned the right to spend his money as he chooses now he’s in his eighties. Only a very bitter person could resent him that.

Makes me feel a bit ill when in laws talk about inheritance and make "that's yours when I die" kind of comments. Never once thought about inheriting from anyone. I hope they spend and enjoy their money before they die. But my MIL very often talks about how she will spend hers when her poor DM dies. It's like she's already done a list of what she will spend it on 😂

But yeah me and my DH most definitely hope to help our DC out in whichever way we can. Uni, driving lessons, first car etc etc. Me, because I never was and him, because he was.

Sadly they’re not!

The young can't do anything anyway.

I was a good earner and I now have a nice house but I’m nowhere near being a multimillionaire. I don’t know anyone who is. Don’t know how your parents managed that.
I got no financial help with childcare. Nothing from the government. 90 % of my salary was spent paying for my childcare arrangements when the dc were small. We had to watch every penny too until we got into our fifties.
I have helped my dc with their deposits and they have comfortable houses now. I intend to use my money to help them as much as I can, They don’t have dc , and have more disposable income than I had at their age.
It’s not actually my fault that things are different now. The vitriol on this thread towards everyone of a certain age feels very unfair and unpleasant .

I was wondering about the proliferation of these threads!

I was born in the early 60s so I am a Boomer. I had a great childhood but my parents were working class and not in a position to help us financially although they helped us when they could
I went to university but have always worked in education so not a high earner. I helped my children with driving lessons, supported them through university, gave them money towards their house deposits and we still treat them with family meals out and family holidays. I was single for 5 years after my divorce and money was very tight then but when I've had money I've shared it with the family.
We're not wealthy by MN standards - we have quite a frugal lifestyle but we enjoy our holidays. I had my children young so we could never afford to travel. Since I retired a few years ago we have tried to travel as much as possible. I plan our holidays and we save money by not flying direct etc but we are spending some of our savings. All my children are thoroughly supportive of it

You haven’t addressed my central point, when you are surrounded by such deprivation who the hell can say they couldn’t care less because they ‘saved lives’ in a former life and will now ‘burn money’ (in your words) so irresponsibly?!

Of course it is utterly disgusting.

Yes they should be considering their small grandchildren or the local food bank etc. Your attitude absolutely stinks, and I hope you are joking. If you are not, then some serious introspection is required as you have no integrity whatsoever.

This is always stated time and time again. ...but this is a very different world now. Where you can't get on by your own merits!

Younger generation attitude = if parents have any money they should give it to their adult children.

In which case - Beyond batshit

Should be self sufficient...but we have made a world which makes it impossible

YANBU. People can spend their own money as they wish, but there are consequences.

My husband and I met at university and got married in our mid 20s. When we got engaged we were in our first jobs with piles of university debt, rent etc. It was a real struggle. Just after our engagement my husband’s parents made it clear that we would never inherit a penny from them and if we wanted help with a deposit for a house they would charge commercial interest rates. They also didn’t want to be called grandparents, so our kids know them by their Christian names.

My parents, by contrast, were always warm. Their estate will be split between their children (they are still alive so it’s immaterial but the sentiment is the same as yours) a they would find anything else deeply unnatural. We are like my parents. We get great pleasure out of supporting our children.

Guess who we are first to include when there is room for grandparents? My in laws’ attitude of living a lavish life, judging us, not being caring or helpful, but expecting the photo opportunities, has meant that we see far less of them. My kids are now old enough to have phones. They are quick to share news with my parents, but never contact my in laws spontaneously.

I think it is generational.

i don’t think my parents’ generation (my parents are boomers) saw having children as a choice per se. So they saw making sacrifices for their children as being selfless.

Whereas later generations view having children is a personal choice. And, if you make that choice, part-and-parcel of that is doing your best for your child and there will be financial implications.

My parents (despite being boomers) DID make a conscious choice to have children and did so when they were older and financially stable. Ironically they were accused of being “selfish” for even considering not having children. But they ended up being much better parents (in my opinion) than a lot of my contemporaries’ parents because they never resented us in the way that a lot of parents of who felt they didn’t have a choice did.

Personally the “spending the kids’ inheritance” mentality doesn’t bother me - because that’s when everyone is an adult. The “all the sacrifices I made” part I do find in emotionally immature and in bad taste - because it’s harking back to a period when the children were minors.

But I am lucky my parents aren’t like that - it would probably irk me more if it was them I heard say these things rather than my friends’ parents.

Having a social conscience and integrity is considered ‘batshit’ in the boomers world. Okay….. speaks absolute volumes.

Well said.

Most of my peers and I worked for what we have. I eas babysitting at 14, at 15 an afterschool nanny 5 days a week, at 16 in an office after school for 2-3 hours a day. And so on up through age 61 still FT plus a side business most of the past 20 years.

I didn't buy a house till nearly 40 and it's a 900 square foot cottage with a 1940s kitchen. My small car is 14 years old.

Entitled whiners can take a flying leap.

I consider myself young. Early 30s.

You’re right there’s anger. But I do think it is driven by a lot by envy.

I am not sure how much of that is down to social media ‘best lives’.

We are lucky to still have both sets of parents. They are polar opposite in their attitudes to helping their adult children and spending.

Tbh we worry more about the spendy ones because I don’t see how they arent going to run out of money.

We worry about the scrimpy ones too because I swear their boiler is about to detonate their house.

I just cannot fathom being upset with the spendy ones because they aren’t giving it to us. I do think gosh that’s wasteful when they are renovating the kitchen for the 3rd time in a decade but it’s more out of a concern for them than anything!

My parents were born late in the Boomer generation, but neither they nor their parents before them have been selfish. If anything, they're selfless and overly cautious about spending on themselves. They did a lot for my generation of the family, to help set us up when we were starting out. They certainly aren't living the high life or joking about spending any inheritance, now that they're older, either.

I was a good earner and I now have a nice house

Also very easy to achieve for average and low earners.

I’m nowhere near being a multimillionaire. I don’t know anyone who is. Don’t know how your parents managed that.

The very last house they bought in 1990, aged 40, was £64k. It's now £780k. They bought 3 council houses from between £6k and £14k. Now worth around £260k each. There own home now worth around £900k. Then there's another couple they bought for sod all. It's really not hard. I know loads of people there age who've done the same. Getting a fuck tonne of rent for the house they paid £6k for. From someone who could never get a mortgage for the place.

I have helped my dc with their deposits and they have comfortable houses now. I intend to use my money to help them as much as I can

Then you're not who OP is talking about

They don’t have dc

Definitely not who OP is talking about

Ahh quote fail. Above was to you @wooliegloves 😊

Well, this is absolutely as batshit as it gets.

My parents say it all the time but they got their grandchildren on the housing ladder so I reckon they are entitled