We’re spending the kids inheritance

[Tuppenceabaggy]

Does anyone find it weird when parents/older people say this and so proudly?

Ive heard a few times people saying they sacrificed everything for their kids, now it’s their time…is this a bit selfish/odd? Children don’t ask to be born, do they.

Now i’m a parent, I just find my parents and some others way of doing things quite odd.

My dad worked in a good job and Dm was a sahm. I had a part time job since I was 14, if I wanted something, I had to pay for it (except clothes treats out of Christmas and birthday money) I paid for all my own driving lessons (I had a lot and it cost a fortune) I bought my own car and paid insurance etc, Dh and I got our mortgage ourselves with no help.

Now I have Dd, there’s not a lot of spare cash to go around, but I will have a savings account in the event of going to uni (if she chooses to) helping with driving lessons and first car and hopefully a little help with a first home (provided we can try our best to save for this)

I don’t want my parents money, i’m
happy to see them spend it on themselves and enjoy it a bit, but it’s just not how I see my life, everything I think about is for Dd first.

Is this just a generational thing?

This thread remind me of this

This Be The Verse
BY PHILIP LARKINN_
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.

Such bitterness about boomers! My late husband and I were never well off, but if you asked my sons , they would tell you of the help and support they always received, and indeed still do as I help a lot with childcare(willingly and happily).

My Dad is in his 80’s and worked over 40 years in the NHS and now his NHS pension will form part of his estate and be taxed (again). My parents are now on a mission to spend as much of it as possible (whilst leaving some for their care of course) - but for now there’s the house being redecorated, a new car plus cruises, trips on the orient express and they’re going on safari next year.

It’s their money. They gave me everything whilst I was growing up but now I’m an adult- technically they are spending “my” inheritance. Do I care? Not a jot! - I’d rather see them enjoy and spend their hard earned money whilst they’re alive than have to hand 40% of it to Rachel after they’re gone.

Feckless is the word I was searching for.

So your limited experience of a few people means all boomers were like that? I recall working 110 hours a week as a junior doctor because there was no European working time directive then . And both myself and dh being on call overnight a couple of times a week . That was starting work at 9am , and not being off duty until 32 hours later.
And I worked full time, did the school runs, took the dc to clubs, cleaned my own house .As did most of the women I knew.
I accept that I have been lucky in terms of pension provision and how easy it was to get on the property market. The financial risks of an increasingly older population have been known about for many years but governments have failed to have any long term plans to address this.
I do strongly object to the generalisations being expressed about the boomer generation. It demonstrates a very superficial understanding of a complex situation. Of course people have personal gripes which are completely understandable- but there are horrible , lazy selfish people of all ages .

How disgusting.

It completely depends on your situation, surely? Paying for our DC to go to a wonderful school and have had holidays every year. I do not want to have to support them past university financially (they have 30k savings each) and so if there is anything left after that it will be going on us. They'd split the house when we die anyway which I think is more than enough.

Yes..but some work very hard to change the patterns 🙏

What parents need to pass on to their children is the ability to earn a living and look after themselves. End of.
I think parents are not doing this now, propping kids up endlessly ... poor parenting really.
Old folks ... ski ing ... go for it, enjoy your twighlight years.
BTW, my mum gave me a small inheritance (which I'd actually made for her x 4).

The financial risks of an increasingly older population have been known about for many years but governments have failed to have any long term plans to address this.

I don't think the public want to acknowledge it though.

Fine. You pay 42% of everything you earn over £12750 and see if you think it’s feck all.

@Nomdemare

are their suggesting that they shouldn’t have teeth in order to pay for another grown adults deposit for them?!

that’s one of the wildest things I’ve ever read on here, congrats

Some generations have enough awareness and social conscience to look beyond the next cruise booking to consider their impact.

My parents have joked about this and they are genuinely joking “our inheritance” I don’t expect anything from them. They’ve helped us out over the years when we have struggled and they’ve done the same for my sibling. They’ve never had massive savings but they worked hard to buy their home and now they’re enjoying their retirement and holidays when they are able to. Fair play to them. Who knows what the future holds and whether they will need to pay for care in the future.

Disgusting to spend their own money? Jesus.

Not a few people…I recall v v few mums working from school, our family, in the neighbourhood, don’t get me wrong, it was great for us kids and I wish it could be as easy now. Dad had a good paying job, didn’t resent mum being at home, she could choose to work or not

They didn't have the money for driving lessons. Kids had to get a job... did them good (me included)

It’s easy to say when they’re young you want to leave them a lot etc but I’d guess as you get older and col goes up you probably realise that was a nice idea but for you not to be miserable/ or not wanting to live in a house that’s falling apart/ having to pay for health costs for your whole later life/ still have any form at all of a life because you suddenly have only a tiny pension that covers nothing

I'm Gen X @Tuppenceabaggy and I can assure you my mum didn't experience anything like that life. She worked in a menial job her whole life and lived in social housing. Yes, I've had a better life than her. Because I saw her example and tried to make a better life for myself. But that meant working 3 jobs as a single parent. I'm more comfortable now, but it was a lot of work getting here and there is no gold plated pension, which it seems Millennials think everyone over the age of 50 has. And god help me if I lose my current job because despite there being no pension for many more years, no one really wants to hire older people.

Sounds like you come from quite a well off family. So presumably your family background has given you some advantages many of us older women didn't have, even if you're not getting the inheritance you feel you deserve.

Ps they were talking on the radio about how parents wanting to give their kids what they never have is totally counterproductive in so many cases and leads to a poor work ethic/ assumptions that they can have more than they can/ inability to cope with problems/ life.

I accept that I have been lucky in terms of pension provision and how easy it was to get on the property market.

What a tiny little sentence to drop in a huge post to the contrary as if it's just a supplementary thing to mention.

That's the whole difference. That right there. Just that. That tiny little sentence is why my very average parents are multimillionaires in property and have vast disposable pension income per month.

While we shell out £30k for childcare, and have to watch every penny despite being a high earning household.

It's just not how I'm going to let my adult children live if I could drastically improve their lives with very little overall financial impact to my own. Especially when I didn't earn that huge financial pot, it was luck of the times. My children don't stop being my children at 18.

We don't go on holidays or eat out. At all.

I'm Gen X and my children's life will be even harder.

Boo hoo. Tell your sibling to get a second job if they are so desperate to get on the housing ladder. I worked a full time job and a part time job (all day Sat & Sun and a Tues eve straight after main job) for nearly 2 years in order to afford a deposit for my house. Work for what you want yourself and don't expect hand outs.

I don’t feel I deserve anything and am not bothered either way
Not a well off family, fairly average

I’d rather my parents spent their money enjoying life to the full than left it to me.

I don’t see inheritance as an entitlement

i find those who do to be grabby and ghoulish.