Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

We’re spending the kids inheritance

1000 replies

Tuppenceabaggy · 18/02/2025 19:11

Does anyone find it weird when parents/older people say this and so proudly?

Ive heard a few times people saying they sacrificed everything for their kids, now it’s their time…is this a bit selfish/odd? Children don’t ask to be born, do they.

Now i’m a parent, I just find my parents and some others way of doing things quite odd.

My dad worked in a good job and Dm was a sahm. I had a part time job since I was 14, if I wanted something, I had to pay for it (except clothes treats out of Christmas and birthday money) I paid for all my own driving lessons (I had a lot and it cost a fortune) I bought my own car and paid insurance etc, Dh and I got our mortgage ourselves with no help.

Now I have Dd, there’s not a lot of spare cash to go around, but I will have a savings account in the event of going to uni (if she chooses to) helping with driving lessons and first car and hopefully a little help with a first home (provided we can try our best to save for this)

I don’t want my parents money, i’m
happy to see them spend it on themselves and enjoy it a bit, but it’s just not how I see my life, everything I think about is for Dd first.

Is this just a generational thing?

OP posts:
Original poster
Tuppenceabaggy · 18/02/2025 22:46

LePetitMaman · 18/02/2025 22:42

Omg, yes!

The irony that my own mother palmed me off to her mum or aunt for all of the school holidays, (despite only having the odd job the entire time I grew up) took plenty of help from her parents, yet did sod all for me. Same as you for the weekends, off I went to my own devices. She did quite literally fuck all other than what she wanted at her own leisure whilst handing me off anywhere and everywhere ...when I compare that to my daily life, it's quite the joke.

Show quote history

Yes! We stayed at my grandparents every fortnight for the whole weekend, so my parents could have a big night out etc…mine haven’t babysat for me once…

OP posts:
MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 18/02/2025 22:47

From the title of the thread, I thought OP was referring to parents spending inheritances left to their children - so like money left to the children by the grandparents. As opposed to adults spending their own money 🤦‍♀️

LuckySantangelo35 · 18/02/2025 22:48

Procrastination4 · 18/02/2025 22:45

Thinking back to my parents (both still alive thankfully) their life was HARD. Both of them worked fulltime (60’s, 70’s, 80’s, early 90’s) and had five children to feed, clothe and educate to 3rd level ( no grants as they weren’t entitled to them, being public servants, unlike the wealthy business owners who could “work” their books and claim grants which was laughable.)

They didn’t have a phone, colour TV, central heating or regular nights out. Ditto dishwasher, automatic washing machine or tumble dryer.
They very rarely had lunch/ dinner out, and takeaway coffee and tea didn’t exist, nor did people regularly have breakfast out or go to a cafe for coffee etc. They made dinners from scratch (my dad shared the cooking and cleaning equally with my mum) and we didn’t know the “joy” of shop bought cakes as my mother baked every Saturday. Air travel was an absolute luxury, and our holidays were either camping trips or stays on my grandparents’ farm, both of which we greatly enjoyed, but the former mustn’t have been much of a break for my parents.

My mum’s only “indulgence” was her weekly trip to the hair salon for a basic wash, trim and set, which I contrast greatly with some of my (working mums) colleagues who belong to millennials and generation z, and their weekly trips to nail salons, hair salons, daily takeaway coffee, weekends away with the “girls”/ significant others and their serious commitment to fast fashion and tanning sessions. Life is very different indeed. It is very easy to bemoan the “Boomers” ( and I think I’m at the very tail end of it, but even my lifestyle doesn’t compare to my parents’) but one could also talk about the huge waste of income on things now considered “necessities” (mobile phones/subscriptions to streaming services/ takeaway meals/regular flights to other countries for weekends away or holidays,etc).
It is so easy to criticise the generation that went before and think that they had it made, but would we change places with them?

As for supporting children past the age of 18, that’s not a generational thing in my opinion, but rather, something that has to do with relationships within a family. My grandparents supported my parents in a variety of ways, my parents supported me similarily, and my husband and I do the same for our now adult sons.

And as for “inheritance” - long living relatives leading healthy fulfilled lives is a far better deal than an inheritance, in my world.

read this post @Tuppenceabaggy

wooliegloves · 18/02/2025 22:48

@BIossomtoes you said this A lot of us paid higher rate tax for decades so I am unsure why you are talking about yourself. 😆

What generation are you?

Cesarina · 18/02/2025 22:48

UncertainWife · 18/02/2025 20:07

Boomers: cheap houses, massive profits, excellent pensions, free university for them and their children, multiple holidays per year, very comfortable lifestyles.

People who came after: unaffordable housing, not as much free money from buying a house at the right time, student loans for them and their kids, lower quality of life.

Stinginess and selfishness: boomers not paying it forwards and sharing the benefits they got by being born at the right time with their offspring.

The younger generations see how much harder it is for each generation and quite rightly want to help their kids as they don't want them to struggle. Boomer generation just want to keep all the lolly for themselves because they didn't go through the struggle themselves so don't get how it is now.

Boomers can't see their own faults in this because 'they made it all from nothing' and they don't understand that it was all lucky timing and you can't do it anymore.

Oh ffs.....appallingly ignorant post

BIossomtoes · 18/02/2025 22:48

Devon24 · 18/02/2025 22:46

The pitiful amount are the taxes you have paid even as a high tax payer, versus everything the old are taking out.
Extortionate NHS health bills paid by the tax payer, retiring very early paid for by the tax payer, gold plated pensions and massive social care bills. Saddling the young with the costs.
Your generational taxes definitely haven’t covered anything like the costs!

If only 11% of people are paying higher rate tax I doubt your generation is even covering your kids’ education.

Tomatotater · 18/02/2025 22:49

MarshmallowClouds · 18/02/2025 19:20

They are not spending their children’s inheritance, they are spending their own money.

if there is anything left when they die, that’s and inheritance. But for now it is just the parents’ money.

And adults shouldn’t be assuming their parents still should help them. If the parents choose to that’s lovely, but it’s not an entitlement.

No one is owed an inheritance and Im sure most people don't expect it ( some do) and they are entitled to spend their own money how they see fit, but it's the actual saying that feels nasty. If you're spending all your money, there is no inheritance. It just seems like people saying to their own kids ' Ha ha you thought you'd get some of my m9ney, well fuck you!' OP I agree. My money is to make my children's lives easier, because God knows they won't be able to buy their own house easily. Any inheritance I get will go directly to them.

LePetitMaman · 18/02/2025 22:49

BIossomtoes · 18/02/2025 22:41

Those of us who earned over the threshold. And when I started work basic rate income tax was 33% with 9% NI on top. This is getting like the Four Yorkshire men sketch.

Show quote history

It's getting like we need Crayola for basic maths.

33% of feck all, is feck all combined with the fact your house was a proverbial fiver.

wooliegloves · 18/02/2025 22:49

If only 11% of people are paying higher rate tax I doubt your generation is even covering your kids’ education.

So no different to the boomers then?

Maggiethecat · 18/02/2025 22:49

Tuppenceabaggy · 18/02/2025 19:24

No, i’m talking about all of it, how growing up, they didn’t help with driving lessons, a car, no savings account (however small) no help with a house deposit, none of it was even considered, whereas I worry about not being able financially to help my Dd with at least as much of this as I can and i’ll work as hard as I can to make it happen. We scrimp and save at the moment, something I want to do for her, I don’t think about when she’s older and how much money i’ll have to spend on myself, I hope we can have some treats, but I primarily put her first in my mind and actively want to

Show quote history

Think there’s some compensation going on toward your Dd as you’ve been deeply affected by the lack of support from your own parents.

I’ve started to reconsider how much we’ll give/leave for our kids. They’ll get help but I think it’s in their interest to be ambitious in achieving their own.

So, am minded to think more freely about spending/enjoying our money.

Devon24 · 18/02/2025 22:50

BIossomtoes · 18/02/2025 22:48

If only 11% of people are paying higher rate tax I doubt your generation is even covering your kids’ education.

Show quote history

I am paying for my kids education, thanks.

ThinWomansBrain · 18/02/2025 22:51

Lifestyles have changed so much though - I grew up in the 60s/70s - my parents rarely went to restaurants, never went on holiday - the first time my Mum went abroad, a holiday that she had won, she must have been about 50. And we weren't unusual or desperately poor - I went to a very large school, and recall one child who regularly had overseas holidays.
How many of the posters saying everything is saved for their children go on holiday, eat out regularly?

wooliegloves · 18/02/2025 22:52

It's getting like we need Crayola for basic maths.

😆 If people wonder why boomers aren't super popular just look at some of the responses on here. So much denial, deflecting & twisting oneself into knots. No wonder the economy is in such a mess, no one will accept the reality.

Devon24 · 18/02/2025 22:54

My grandparents would be turning in their graves if they could see the boomers today. The make do and mend generation post war would have wanted their family money and inheritances saved as far as possible for the children and grandchildren. To give them a start in life.

They would be horrified watching the waste, and the selfishness. Honestly horrified. Yes absolutely.

Catpuss66 · 18/02/2025 22:54

Nomdemare · 18/02/2025 19:22

Parent spending 20k on dental implants…yet sibling unable to afford deposit for home. I think it’s a really poor attitude.

Think you have the poor attitude. Implants might have to do with eating, it’s their money they can spend anyway they want. Your siblings problem they cannot afford a deposit. Called saving.

Aldora · 18/02/2025 22:54

Nomdemare · 18/02/2025 19:22

Parent spending 20k on dental implants…yet sibling unable to afford deposit for home. I think it’s a really poor attitude.

Why can't the parent have teeth if needed? Jeez!

LePetitMaman · 18/02/2025 22:54

Tuppenceabaggy · 18/02/2025 22:46

Yes! We stayed at my grandparents every fortnight for the whole weekend, so my parents could have a big night out etc…mine haven’t babysat for me once…

Show quote history

Ha! Same.

I've never not had my children for the night. The odd meal out (and I'm talking like twice a year) we have paid £50-80 for a sitter and had to be home by 10pm. Whereas I too stayed at Nan and Grandads several times a month from essentially birth until I left home at 17.

Are you my long lost sister?...

marmiteandcheeseoncrumpetspls · 18/02/2025 22:55

LePetitMaman · 18/02/2025 21:51

It doesn't make sense to people who don't want to accept the reality.

No, it's not because you're 67 and have had all those extra years of being a jolly good citizen and watching the pennies over and above a 24yr old who merely hasn't lived as long.

Your house cost 50p.

Now it's worth £1.2mill

Well slight exaggeration, but you get the jist. It's not because of savvy hardworking choices that one (of my parents 7 properties, yes 7, because they were that fucking cheap) house bought in as recent as 1990 cost £64,000 is now valued at £780,000. That's not good old fashioned morals and stellar work ethic like they try and insist either. It's mega money through jack all effort or even their doing. It just happened to them.

At the time DF would have been on around £55k. DH is on £100k + good bonuses. We can't afford the "£64k" house now at 40. Which is how old my DF was when he bought it.

At least you've helped out with house deposits and childcare. We've not even had that. While they borderline gloat about their "comfortable position because of their sensible decisions" as if they had anything to do with the economy they were handed on a plate. And yeah, if they haven't chosen to leave it all to the cats home, we'll get a big inheritance. At what, 70? Great. It will just be passed to my children who might actually have their lives improved at a time they can enjoy it and benefit them and their young families, rather than us who've had most of our life by then and struggled while they hoarded.

It's self appreciating, self absorbed ignorance in my experience, massively led by my mother, and they've taught me categorically how not to parent. No, they don't owe me anything. But you have to be a certain kind of individual to watch your own children struggle yet never help them out, when you easily have the means. I can't ever imagine being enough of a prick to know not only that I could easily help my own children, but to announce I'm justified to choose to let them struggle because I don't owe them anything.

Show quote history

👏👏well said

Justasmallgless · 18/02/2025 22:55

It appears that the Op and others should join the stately home thread about how they have been treated by their parents rather than generalise about a whole generation.

It's really quite hurtful to be lumped ik with behaviours that many of us haven't experienced or have perpetuated.

Having been brought up with very little and left school at 16 to work and make sure we kept a roof over our head, my experience has been very different to many. I didn't get driving lessons paid for, I had to pay rent, I worked 2/3 jobs and have had a reasonably successful career.

I am now paying half towards DS driving lessons, half towards a car have saved for the DC future,

Teenagehorrorbag · 18/02/2025 22:55

Haven't RTFT so this has probably been said, but in our parents days there was no need to worry about your kids financially because they could afford to earn and buy things themselves.

I was born in 64, could have gone to uni for free but chose not to. My parents didn't pay for my driving lessons but I had a summer job so i could. Kids could be self sufficient in the 80s. I bought a house on my office salary at 21.....

Now it's a whole different scenario. I think older parents maybe don't fully realise how difficult things are now for young people. But the concept of saving to help your kids when they grow up, didn't need to be a thing back in the day.

Walkaround · 18/02/2025 22:55

Your parents sound phenomenally selfish. That’s on them, not their generation, though - plenty of people buck general trends and attitudes, after all, even if there are any (and, tbh, I do think boomers as as whole are generally more self-centred, self-justifying and self-congratulatory than the silent generation… 😉).

Original poster
Tuppenceabaggy · 18/02/2025 22:56

ThinWomansBrain · 18/02/2025 22:51

Lifestyles have changed so much though - I grew up in the 60s/70s - my parents rarely went to restaurants, never went on holiday - the first time my Mum went abroad, a holiday that she had won, she must have been about 50. And we weren't unusual or desperately poor - I went to a very large school, and recall one child who regularly had overseas holidays.
How many of the posters saying everything is saved for their children go on holiday, eat out regularly?

We didn’t eat out much at all, but from around 9, we went abroad…France, Portugal, Tunisia, Greece. My parents went to a posh restaurant for anniversaries etc, never took us kids, whereas Dd comes with us to eat. They went to the pub a fair amount and dad went out every Friday night and often on Saturdays with my uncle to the pub all day..that must have cost a lot, plus football club and squash etc

OP posts:
LePetitMaman · 18/02/2025 22:56

wooliegloves · 18/02/2025 22:48

@BIossomtoes you said this A lot of us paid higher rate tax for decades so I am unsure why you are talking about yourself. 😆

What generation are you?

Take a wild guess...

LosingCount · 18/02/2025 22:56

LuckySantangelo35 · 18/02/2025 22:42

@Tuppenceabaggy

someone in their 80s doesn’t need to put someone in their forties first. They just don’t.

Show quote history

They don’t ’need to’, but I think it’s very normal for parents to think of their children before themselves. I don’t think that feeling really goes away for many of us, no matter how old our children are. Obviously that doesn’t mean we can’t have a life and enjoy our money, but I’d never feel ok if my children were struggling whilst I was living a good life and all of my friends feel the same.

How old are your children? How much do you do for them?

FunnysInLaJardin · 18/02/2025 22:57

I'm Gen X. I am spending the best part of £120k on my kids uni.

When I get to retirement, I will so be spending my kids inheritance!

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In
This thread is not accepting new messages.
Swipe left for the next trending thread