We’re spending the kids inheritance

[Tuppenceabaggy]

Does anyone find it weird when parents/older people say this and so proudly?

Ive heard a few times people saying they sacrificed everything for their kids, now it’s their time…is this a bit selfish/odd? Children don’t ask to be born, do they.

Now i’m a parent, I just find my parents and some others way of doing things quite odd.

My dad worked in a good job and Dm was a sahm. I had a part time job since I was 14, if I wanted something, I had to pay for it (except clothes treats out of Christmas and birthday money) I paid for all my own driving lessons (I had a lot and it cost a fortune) I bought my own car and paid insurance etc, Dh and I got our mortgage ourselves with no help.

Now I have Dd, there’s not a lot of spare cash to go around, but I will have a savings account in the event of going to uni (if she chooses to) helping with driving lessons and first car and hopefully a little help with a first home (provided we can try our best to save for this)

I don’t want my parents money, i’m
happy to see them spend it on themselves and enjoy it a bit, but it’s just not how I see my life, everything I think about is for Dd first.

Is this just a generational thing?

@Tuppenceabaggy

you are quite right OP! We stop being a person when you have kids don’t we, we need to become like some kind of servile robot-type appliance only existing to facilitate your kids until the day we die.
or according to you and your Martyr mates we do anyway 🙄

Even the way you’ve written that, especially the end part emphasises exactly what i’m talking about and the different attitudes

If Boomer attitude is spending the kids inheritance, Millennial attitude is expecting their parents to go without to give them an inheritance.

Plus, the generation you're talking about aren't boomers. They're Generation X. No, they didn't have it as hard for property prices as millennials. But then, millennials had it easier than Gen Z. And it'll be even harder again for Gen A.

A lot of us paid higher rate tax for decades. That paid for a lot of the previous generations’ pensions and the subsequent generations’ education.

You have no idea really. Many people jest, many people tell the truth, and many people lie.

So in your scenario;

1. Its just a joke
2. They are spending all their money and being upfront about it
3. They aren’t spending all their money - many reasons I can think of a parent might try to reduce expectations of inheritance.

A lot of us paid higher rate tax for decades.

Really? whats a lot?

That paid for a lot of the previous generations’ pensions and the subsequent generations’ education.

It's a pyramid scheme but the issue is the demographics are no longer pyramid shaped.

Nope, but we should (in my opinion) look after, provide for and put our kids first and not be selfish pricks

I'm a boomer (just) with 3 adult children and parents in their 80s. I didn't get any help. We don't have expectations of inheritance and anticipate that most will go into paying for long term care, and I don't expect to pass on much to my DC for the same reason. My parents are immigrants and had very little in the early days; my London based children all have their own homes without help. However I did help two through uni. I'm encouraging my mother to enjoy her money and that's a struggle, I think that when you've had very little it can be hard to spend.

And let's be clear. Gen X don't have all the stuff you've just listed @Devon24. We're still slogging with no pension until we're 68.

Your attitude probably won’t be any different to theirs when you reach the same age.

I’m talking about boomers, my parents are 70

Those of us who earned over the threshold. And when I started work basic rate income tax was 33% with 9% NI on top. This is getting like the Four Yorkshire men sketch.

Hi OP, I do see where you're coming from.

I have a toddler DC at the moment and really want to be in a position to help him financially when he's older, if he needs it (we will obviously for driving lessons, uni etc) but I also mean when he's an adult. If, for example, he needs support with a house desposit, house repairs, a wedding etc. If we've got it, we'll be more than happy to give him what we can without him feeling the need to ask.

My parents are divorced. One of them has given me money when I've been in a tight spot without thinking twice about it and the other hasn't even thought to, even though they can more than afford it. Whilst I don't feel that they should have given me money, being a parent myself now, I can't understand how they didn't want to.

But, each to their own! As for inheritance, I don't really think about this tbh - I'm fully expecting my parents money to either be enjoyed by them or used for care as they get older!

Omg, yes!

The irony that my own mother palmed me off to her mum or aunt for all of the school holidays, (despite only having the odd job the entire time I grew up) took plenty of help from her parents, yet did sod all for me. Same as you for the weekends, off I went to my own devices. She did quite literally fuck all other than what she wanted at her own leisure whilst handing me off anywhere and everywhere ...when I compare that to my daily life, it's quite the joke.

@Tuppenceabaggy

someone in their 80s doesn’t need to put someone in their forties first. They just don’t.

Look at the maths. Even the level of NHS spending on this generation is absolutely eye watering. It is a pitiful amount in the scheme of things and is being addressed by this government at least. We have huge inequality in our country between the generations now. And the young are paying the price. It’s not about achieving a good inheritance at all, it is about fairness and access to some quality of life, like somewhere to live for example.

I'm Gen X and graduated in 1996 with free tuition.
Interesting stats...there were many fewer universities in the 1960s, 70s and 80s. What percentage completed further education as opposed to higher (university) education in those decades? My mum was a primary school teacher and my uncle was a draughtsman, neither of which required university degrees but did require 2-3 years of further education.

"The share of adults paying higher rates has increased enormously in recent decades. In 1991–92 just 3.5% of UK adults paid the 40% higher rate of income tax. By 2022–23 11% were paying higher rates, with that figure set to reach 14% by 2027–28."

I’m hoping it is, but who knows

Those of us who earned over the threshold. And when I started work basic rate income tax was 33% with 9% NI on top. This is getting like the Four Yorkshire men sketch.

You need stats not just feels 😆

Thinking back to my parents (both still alive thankfully) their life was HARD. Both of them worked fulltime (60’s, 70’s, 80’s, early 90’s) and had five children to feed, clothe and educate to 3rd level ( no grants as they weren’t entitled to them, being public servants, unlike the wealthy business owners who could “work” their books and claim grants which was laughable.)

They didn’t have a phone, colour TV, central heating or regular nights out. Ditto dishwasher, automatic washing machine or tumble dryer.
They very rarely had lunch/ dinner out, and takeaway coffee and tea didn’t exist, nor did people regularly have breakfast out or go to a cafe for coffee etc. They made dinners from scratch (my dad shared the cooking and cleaning equally with my mum) and we didn’t know the “joy” of shop bought cakes as my mother baked every Saturday. Air travel was an absolute luxury, and our holidays were either camping trips or stays on my grandparents’ farm, both of which we greatly enjoyed, but the former mustn’t have been much of a break for my parents.

My mum’s only “indulgence” was her weekly trip to the hair salon for a basic wash, trim and set, which I contrast greatly with some of my (working mums) colleagues who belong to millennials and generation z, and their weekly trips to nail salons, hair salons, daily takeaway coffee, weekends away with the “girls”/ significant others and their serious commitment to fast fashion and tanning sessions. Life is very different indeed. It is very easy to bemoan the “Boomers” ( and I think I’m at the very tail end of it, but even my lifestyle doesn’t compare to my parents’) but one could also talk about the huge waste of income on things now considered “necessities” (mobile phones/subscriptions to streaming services/ takeaway meals/regular flights to other countries for weekends away or holidays,etc).
It is so easy to criticise the generation that went before and think that they had it made, but would we change places with them?

As for supporting children past the age of 18, that’s not a generational thing in my opinion, but rather, something that has to do with relationships within a family. My grandparents supported my parents in a variety of ways, my parents supported me similarily, and my husband and I do the same for our now adult sons.

And as for “inheritance” - long living relatives leading healthy fulfilled lives is a far better deal than an inheritance, in my world.

It wasn’t a feel for the 20 odd years I paid it. It was extremely real.

The pitiful amount are the taxes you have paid even as a high tax payer, versus everything the old are taking out.
Extortionate NHS health bills paid by the tax payer, retiring very early paid for by the tax payer, gold plated pensions and massive social care bills. Saddling the young with the costs.
Your generational taxes definitely haven’t covered anything like the costs!

I totally get this. My dad never did his tax return so I never got my grant cheque on time ( shows my age) yet he was happy to boast about his daughter at Cambridge. I’m just about to pay 2.5 k for my DDs dental care - she’s 29 but can’t afford it. Middle DS is living home to save money so he can afford to move out and youngest DS is at uni and we pay his rent and bills. It’s tough out there at the moment.