We’re spending the kids inheritance

[Tuppenceabaggy]

Does anyone find it weird when parents/older people say this and so proudly?

Ive heard a few times people saying they sacrificed everything for their kids, now it’s their time…is this a bit selfish/odd? Children don’t ask to be born, do they.

Now i’m a parent, I just find my parents and some others way of doing things quite odd.

My dad worked in a good job and Dm was a sahm. I had a part time job since I was 14, if I wanted something, I had to pay for it (except clothes treats out of Christmas and birthday money) I paid for all my own driving lessons (I had a lot and it cost a fortune) I bought my own car and paid insurance etc, Dh and I got our mortgage ourselves with no help.

Now I have Dd, there’s not a lot of spare cash to go around, but I will have a savings account in the event of going to uni (if she chooses to) helping with driving lessons and first car and hopefully a little help with a first home (provided we can try our best to save for this)

I don’t want my parents money, i’m
happy to see them spend it on themselves and enjoy it a bit, but it’s just not how I see my life, everything I think about is for Dd first.

Is this just a generational thing?

And so you should.

As you absolutely should, you sound wonderful parents

I know what you're getting at. My boomer parents made it very clear that I was expected to leave home at 18 or very soon after. They told me it would be highly selfish to go to uni as I wanted (I got very high As and B at A Level) as they thought I would end up needing money off them. When aged 14+ my mum would pick up 2 of the free recipe cards at the supermarket, one for her and one for me when I left home. From 14 I had a part time job and was expected to pay for all my own clothes, toiletries, sanitary products etc. My dad had a job paying the equivalent of 45k today and my mum probably earned the equivalent of 15k working part time (she constantly complained that she couldn't be a SAHM). So not wealthy, but definitely not on the breadline either. Homeowners in a nice area etc. free childcare from grandparents.
I ended up moving in with my older, abusive ex at 18, and it took me until 36 to get the guts to divorce him. This was a direct result of being pressured into leaving home without adequate earnings, confidence to stand up for myself in a relationship, ability to drive and travel independently etc.
They scoffed at families where adult children and parents socialised or went on holiday together as a bit pathetic, which played right into the hands of the horrible ex who isolated me from everyone.
I wince when I see posters on here saying older teens need to leave home, and know this is exactly what it will lead to.
My DD is now 17 and my son 18. It is only as they have got older and I see how much they still need our family unit and support (despite being outwardly very independent) that I realised how shit my parents attitudes and treatment of me were.
I think they have changed their attitude a bit now, and I suppose some of their attitudes are of their era. They were young parents and I think had only thought about parenthood with young children, not the practicalities of supporting their transition to adult life.
They inherited a house and money from their parents and did gift about 10% of this to me and my sibling. I was very grateful for this (15k- a significant amount of money for me).
They have little in the way of pension and their health is crap, I fully expect them to need the rest to live on and for care and would want them to use it for this.. I have paid into a public sector pension since 30 and should be fine once I eventually retire.
It's a very complex topic.

Here we go …🙄

More ageist nonsense and wild generalisations. Let's ignore as usual the fact that very few people born before 1970 went to university, the huge inflation and labour unrest of the 1970s, the fact that only a minority of the population had loadsamoney in the 1980s, huge interest rates at the end of the 1980s and so on and so forth. Your parents may not be able to grasp that house price inflation is just lucky timing. Why would you think everyone their age is the same?

I don’t want my parent’s money. They raised me well and encouraged me to get an education so I do okay for myself now.

However, I do resent the boomer generation in general. In general they have had much easier lives and a better standard of living than we will enjoy. And now they want to spunk their final salary pensions on planet destroying cruises while voting for brexit and the tories. I’m disgusted with how so many boomers act.

I think some people work in extremes. At one end, being selfish, doing the minimum for your children and letting them fend for themselves. At the other end focusing completely on your children, centering them in everything and going without because you chose to have the and they are more important is the other end. Both extreme are problematic and I don’t think it’s helpful to judge others for exactly where they choose to sit in between.

What advice would you give your own children?

I am the same generation as you OP and I actively encourage DM to spend some money on her, to go on holidays and trips and to treat herself.

She's spent years looking after others, giving my DB bail out after bail out and looking after my DF and 18 months of hell with hospital and cancer treatments to then get cancer herself.
Thankfully she's now in the all clear. She has a good enough pension to live off but a element of her savings nope she should be enjoying herself.

I'm also incredibly independent I see it as making me very resilient and I'm financially savy. So whilst my children do have savings accounts for them they won't be getting everything handed to them on a plate. I don't think it's a good thing to be handed a mortgage deposit if they then still can't budget for paying a mortgage and the bills which I have witnessed in friends who didn't have to save like I did.

My parents were born in the 40's and we have far more money than they ever had.
They've never had any inheritance as neither of the parents owned a property
Dad worked 6 days a week for years, mum had various part time jobs.
We weren't poor but things were tight.
Dad has now passed and mum lives in a modest house owned outright with a modest pension and a little bit in savings.
Wish they'd done equity release and spoilt themselves for once in their lives.
My children have far more than we ever did. I'm glad I don't live my life banking on what I'll be given when my parents die

It doesn’t mean we won’t do this also, but we are much more invested and there for our children im so many different ways than parents in the 80/90’s were

They will do it their way. We will do it our way and our kids will do it differently again. We'll each make our own mistakes and fuck up in different ways. I don't think thar the inheritance and spending attitudes is generational. My parents (70s) are always scrimping to leave us something. I keep on telling them to downsize, spend and enjoy their time. Realistically, the lot could end up going on care cost anyway. They may as well enjoy it while the know who they are and where they are ( dementia in the family).

We (late 40s) won't have any inheritance give. Although, I will pass down any inheritance I do get from my parents. Hopefully, they will live a long life and by the time I receive anything I'll be to old to spend it

I believe in giving kids a strong start but also they have to have something to strive for- I’m happy to provide a good education, support talents, teach budgeting, investing etc but also make it clear that said kid can’t bum around in their 20s and should get a job/ start building a career/ be independent/ make wise financial decisions. Not coast waiting for mom and dad to croak to live it up.

What a load of inaccurate generalisations. Where do you pick up this untrue claptrap?

What's a 'boomer attitude'?

Could you define it? Do you have a boomer attitude?

I had to pay for sanitary towels myself mainly, it was never discussed with me, I either pinched my mums or bought them myself…I cannot imagine a world in which this is how i’ll be with Dd

Which decade are you describing here? This is not a fair representation of either my grandparents’ generation (born 30s) or parents (born 60s).

You are more invested and there for your children than your parents were. That is all you can say. You can't generalise from your own family to everyone else of your parents' age and your own age. I can say without any shadow of a doubt that my brother and I have brought our children up very differently from the way our parents brought us up. I can also say that plenty of other people our age were brought up in a different way from us and have taken different approaches to parenting than we have.

This post makes no sense to me. Of course someone in their 60s would expect to have much more in assets and savings than someone in their 20s or 30s as they've had years to save and for things to appreciate. Age 16-24 I don't think DH and I had a pot to piss in, let alone £15k in assets!

My grandparents lived in abject poverty, worked hard physical jobs and struggled every day of their lives. My parents worked hard, took the opportunities to learn, get better jobs and buy a home but my childhood was still very tight financially. DH and I made it to uni, got better jobs, have a nice home and now retired. Our DCs did not have luxurious childhoods but it was easier than mine. DH and I are fortunate to have reached this age and still have parents rather than inheritances
Our DCs have good jobs and their own homes but we are aware that the trend of each generation surpassing the one before is much harder to fulfil now so try to help where we can both practically, like with childcare, and financially, like house deposits, unexpected expenses, etc.

Having said all that I might feel differently about helping out if I thought they saw us as cash cows or obliged to stop enjoying life in order to pass on our money to them. We gave them as many opportunities as possible to enable them to live well for themselves and hope to continue to help them but the day they think they are entitled to have inheritance it might just change!

This is so not true.

We were left to ourselves, and were expected to play out all the time unless it was pouring, all children did the same as there wasn't the traffic and we were safe (apart from at the park where there were lots of flashers).

The only activity was Brownies, then Guides. That was it.

Our children were out at activities most evenings, and we were there to put them to bed every night. I don't know of any of my friends who did anything different.

Just because you had a shit time doesn't make everyone else's parents the same.

My son says I’m more Gen X. I am a tail end boomer. To be honest I’ve no idea what any of it really means as we didn’t define ourselves by a generational name or characteristics when I was growing up. I do have a very modern outlook on life, probably because I was an older mother.

I do understand your point but I don't fully agree with your strategy either; if you're not investing in your old age and pension now you could well become a burden for your DD.

I find it odd that people my age who have worked hard all their lives class their savings as their kids inheritance before they are dead !
My savings are mine to spend as I wish . If there’s anything left when I’m dead then it becomes the inheritance of whoever I choose - most likely my kids !

I'm a boomer who's been in the workforce for 45 years and have no definied benefit pension whatsoever.

I graduated from university into a recesssion. My parents had just gotten a mortage at 14% interest. I've never received an inheritance, nor did my parents. The list goes on.

These mindless generalisations about "boomers" benefit no one; they're just a way for childish, bittter people who don't want to hustle to vent their spleens. Sorry you can't have it all handed to you on a silver platter; very few people do. And there are twice as many people on this planet, thanks to mindless and selfish human procreation, than there were 50 years ago. All competing for a livelihood, food, shelter, potable water, fossil fuels, etc. If you think that isn't going to affect lifestyles going forward, think again.

No one is entitled to a soft, comfortable, easy life. I've worked a fulltime salaried job and a side job/side business most of my adult life. I will be comfortable in old age by dint of my own sustained efforts over decades, not because of windfalls, handouts, inheritances or "luck," Try it sometime instead of the endless, endless whining and grievances.

I didn’t have a shit time, my friends and I were mainly feral (middle class backgrounds) left outside whilst all the parents got drunk in the pub, everyone smoked in the house and car, let out to play until all hours and parents didnt know/care where we were..I could go on…we had a great time, but looking back, it was lazy, selfish parenting in the main

Should I be lucky enough to live into retirement I intend to spend most of what I have. I, unlike my elders, have always put my kids’ needs first. I am paying their way through uni as far as I can to minimise their debt. I will draw down/downsize to give them house deposits to help them when they need it most. And I will spend a lot of what remains on things that make me happy be that travel, flowers, nice food, whatever. I will have help- a cleaner/carer etc so they’re not ‘expected’ to look after me. I see my PILs (FIL really) who have saved, not shared, and are now desperately still trying to cling to the hoarded cash they have no way of using. What is the point?