We’re spending the kids inheritance

[Tuppenceabaggy]

Does anyone find it weird when parents/older people say this and so proudly?

Ive heard a few times people saying they sacrificed everything for their kids, now it’s their time…is this a bit selfish/odd? Children don’t ask to be born, do they.

Now i’m a parent, I just find my parents and some others way of doing things quite odd.

My dad worked in a good job and Dm was a sahm. I had a part time job since I was 14, if I wanted something, I had to pay for it (except clothes treats out of Christmas and birthday money) I paid for all my own driving lessons (I had a lot and it cost a fortune) I bought my own car and paid insurance etc, Dh and I got our mortgage ourselves with no help.

Now I have Dd, there’s not a lot of spare cash to go around, but I will have a savings account in the event of going to uni (if she chooses to) helping with driving lessons and first car and hopefully a little help with a first home (provided we can try our best to save for this)

I don’t want my parents money, i’m
happy to see them spend it on themselves and enjoy it a bit, but it’s just not how I see my life, everything I think about is for Dd first.

Is this just a generational thing?

I posted earlier and I was anti-boomer. Because my personal experience of boomer parents is quite negative.

But here are some balanced realisations:

• SOME boomers are happy to watch DC struggle financially while they enjoy 3 houses, multiple holidays etc
• SOME boomers support their DC very generously financially
• Boomers grew up in harder times where people had fewer luxuries so boomers look at younger generations and see they have a lot more than they did
• Younger generations grew up later in capitalism when more luxuries were normalised and expected BUT housing had become unaffordable
• Boomers concluded that visible luxuries were being bought instead of houses being saved for, not understanding that the salary-to-house-price ratio makes house buying impossible for youngers
• Despite better overall lifestyles and more available food and luxuries and better conditions for younger generations, younger generations will never ever experience the enormous lottery win that was affordable housing that went on to make home owners vast amounts of £££ (if you were fortunate enough to get that first house - remember not all boomers were).

It would be a lot simpler if boomers acknowledged that they lucked out with house prices and earning free money from houses (despite harder conditions to grow up in and live in) and if younger generations acknowledged that boomers grew up in much harder, less luxurious conditions than they did.

I'd bet that all the younger generations would rather forgo all the extra 'stuff' that's become the norm to have in their generation in exchange for affordable housing that makes tonnes of money over the years.

No she doesn't sound resentful.
You seem to think that once you have a child you should spend the rest of your life prioritising them, and if you don't, then why have them? The hope should be that your children grow into self-sufficient adults, who maybe need a helping hand occasionally, but not that you should do without for the rest of your life so that they have an easy life.
Your parents actually seem quite unusual that they didn't help with driving lessons or support through university, and you are making sweeping statements based on that and judging a whole generation. Parents in the past wouldn't set up savings plans for university, because they didn't need to, but most would have provided support.
I definitely think parents of adult should spend their money while they are alive if they want to, whether that is on themselves or their family. I hate to think of older people not spending money on things that would make their lives more enjoyable or comfortable, because they want to leave money when they die.

So your mum sacrificed a career, salary and pension to have children; you weren’t owed driving lessons and help with a car. It is your choice to focus on supporting your adult children but that doesn’t make you morally superior.

I want my mum to enjoy HER money go on cruises do whatever she wants. Not leave it to me. I earn my own money I want nothing. It's her life her money and I don't want it. I love my mum and wish her the best of life. Not sitting in the house unable to do anything as she wants me to have inheritance. When I worked as a district nurse in the wealthy parts 90 year old women with sheep in their garden family in London kids in private school etc. She and alot of others lived in poverty as they didn't want to spend kids inheritance. It's awful. Let parents and grand parents enjoy their own life

Jobs for life? @marmiteandcheeseoncrumpetspls where do you get that tarrididdle? Do you think recessions are a recent phenomenon? Because I seem to remember plenty of unemployment in the 80s - some of the communities up this way have never recovered from it. Do you really think "boomers" were exempt?

That was my upbringing as a Boomer.

So, I didn't repeat it with my own children.

As a late boomer, I am actually more worried about my child's future than my own. I have worked and saved to do my best for me, but I always thought the leftovers would go to DC. Now, after RR's raid on DC pension funds, I am rethinking my strategy. We shall probably spend the pension fund, albeit carefully because I would like a naice retirement home if I need one, but I am making sure we bung as much as possible as early as possible, to the DC.

No one is owed anything, I don’t owe it to Dd, but funnily enough I want to help her out. My Dm got a great pension and didn’t sacrifice really as could have worked when we started school and were older

Which bit is inaccurate?

Do you have ANY actual data that supports this claptrap?

Yes same

When did the world become full of entitled grabby greedy people who think they have the right to complain about how others spend their own money. Those complaining that their parents don't finance their adult children's lives need to get their entitled heads out of their backsides. When we grew up you understood that once you left compulsory education you went out to work and paid your own way. I really don't get mummy's wiping their child's backside when that child is a parent themselves. And as goes for the " well my child didn't ask to be born" mindset FFS no wonder we have 20 year olds that don't think they should ever work or even help load the dishwasher. Every parent with that mind set deserves the adult child they get.

My dad says that, but it is a joke!

The strange thing is though, the generation before, so my parents, parents worked extremely hard and my Dms side especially, gave her so much..first car, paid for the wedding (my parents never so much as mentioned this) helped them with their first house, helped them when the washing machine blew up and bought a new one etc etc

Maybe the 'boomer attitude' of living within your means, cooking most things from scratch, not demanding every new bit if kit that's on the market, not buying new sofas etc every couple of years, the list is very long, is why they now have money to spend. The very existence of things like Deliveroo, Gusto etc. is testament to how lazy people have become in the 21st Century, the idea of calling somewhere up to deliver a pack of toilet rolls or whatever only adds to that.
Not all of the hated boomers had the cushy life they're accused of by the plainly ignorant but it suits their little agenda. Bless!

I mean I would do anything for my kids but I kinda get it.. it's not the kids inheritance until they're dead so surely it's spending your own money when you're alive?

No, kids don't ask to be born and it's a parent's job to provide and raise them until they're adults and the cycle continues..

It's nice to be left something but I don't think it should be expected and if it's spent during their lives then, that's that.

I think personally if I was in a position to, I'd help my kids by buying their first car or a house deposit and then help throughout their lives if they needed it but I hope by the time I'm dying, they don't need it.

Usual MN ageism.
I suppose I am a boomer. Brought up in real poverty and helped my parents out financially from the day I started working.

Did things different with my DC and I am determined they won't wait until I am dead to get financial help from me.

They were given help with house deposits, regular money as and when I can. They don't expect it, are very appreciative and always say why not spend more on yourself.

But that doesn't fit the evil boomer narrative.

So to add to our sins us nasty, greedy boomers had parents who had the good grace to shuffle off this mortal coil while their selfish kids could have fun with their inheritances. It broke me when my mum died, I would have given anything to have had more years with her. Oh, and guess what, I did not inherit a massive sum of money and I would have traded it all to have her with me. And now apparently I am not dying in a timely manner.!

• I did not go to uni *I do not have a final salary pension, *I cannot downsize from my inner city two up two down located in one the poorest areas because there is nothing smaller and cheaper to go to *I lived through mass unemployment in the Thatcher years, over 3 million out of work, it was very hard to get work. *Maternity leave was only available if you had been in full time work for at least two years *I was a single parent (due to being deserted by my ex) and got no help, and I bloody struggled, I was cold and I went hungry *Very hard to save and pay into a pension when you are counting the slices left in a loaf of bread and your purse is empty

But I still manage to understand that things are pretty crap for young people today because I hope I am open minded and not given to making sweeping generalisations about people based on when they were born. I think that the current housing situation is horrendous, I also think it is awful that young people leave uni weighed down with debt.

Please stop generalising and being so judgemental.

I'm not originally from UK and I don't uderstand the attitude here amongst so many people.
I want my parents to be comfortable and to know they have money for rainy day or in case they need care. I'm an adult and I never take money from them even when they insist, neither would I expect them to save up for me rather then enjoy the retirement they worked so extremely hard for all their lives They deserve to finally relax and focus on themselves.

When they die then whatever is left will obviously go to me and my siblings but it's not something I'm waiting for at the moment neither I'm interested in how much money they spend - it's theirs.
I feel lucky I will get any inheritance at all since so many people don't have and they have to manage.

I truly don't understand this attitude of waiting for inheritance when the parents haven't even died yet! Or relying on ageing parents for money as an adult with exeption of life emergencies.

I'm wondering if it's cultural differences.

But that is your choice. You are not morally superior for making this choice and you are not in a position to judge others for making a different choice because frankly, you have no idea how your child might turn out having had all this help handed to her on a silver platter.
I never begrudged my parents bringing me up the way they did. What I did find embarrassing was when my boyfriend's parents gave him money for a deposit on a flat. He was 40 at the time, I was 10 years younger and had about double qualifying working years compared to him. He spent most of his young adult life funnying about with "personal projects" knowing that the bank of mum and dad was open all hours.

My parents had nothing and anything we needed as teens/adults we worked for and paid for ourselves. My mum died last summer and we found out that she had scrimped and saved in her later years to leave us a few thousand each. I really wish she had spent it on herself. Not the same position as op I know, but I hate the sense of entitlement so many people have about inheritance.

In my experience it’s boomers who are most wasteful. If you get generations are relying on food delivery perhaps it’s because the cost of living means 2 parents working full time while trying to manage kids and household. Growing up all my friends and I had SAHM.

I don’t know what you’re trying to say. But if I understand the question..
Retirees spending thier own money on retirement and having fun, whether they have adult children or not, is totally reasonable.

We bought the house we still live in in 1997 as the UK came out of a financial meltdown for £132k, without central heating. We spent lots to make it the house it is now... about £10k pa, so now it is an £850K house. Inflation and desirability
.

Absolute bullshit. I’m a boomer and l and almost all of my social circle had both parents who worked full time. And how is the rest of your post in any way related to the one you tagged ?