We’re spending the kids inheritance

[Tuppenceabaggy]

Does anyone find it weird when parents/older people say this and so proudly?

Ive heard a few times people saying they sacrificed everything for their kids, now it’s their time…is this a bit selfish/odd? Children don’t ask to be born, do they.

Now i’m a parent, I just find my parents and some others way of doing things quite odd.

My dad worked in a good job and Dm was a sahm. I had a part time job since I was 14, if I wanted something, I had to pay for it (except clothes treats out of Christmas and birthday money) I paid for all my own driving lessons (I had a lot and it cost a fortune) I bought my own car and paid insurance etc, Dh and I got our mortgage ourselves with no help.

Now I have Dd, there’s not a lot of spare cash to go around, but I will have a savings account in the event of going to uni (if she chooses to) helping with driving lessons and first car and hopefully a little help with a first home (provided we can try our best to save for this)

I don’t want my parents money, i’m
happy to see them spend it on themselves and enjoy it a bit, but it’s just not how I see my life, everything I think about is for Dd first.

Is this just a generational thing?

Yeah, it's weird.
And they're the generation that inherited at an age when they could enjoy it / make use of it.

Infact, let's list all that they benefited from:
*Jobs for life

• Final salary pensions
• Low interest rates
• Housing price boom, so they can benefit from downsizing
• No university fees
• Inheritance at a relatively age

She doesn’t sound in the least bit resentful, that’s pure projection on your part.

Are you talking about me? Nowhere in my post have I said that and I’ve also said I don’t care or need money and I want to see my parents spend it on themselves as I love them and want them to be happy. I’m saying the way I now feel as a parent and many of my friends, is very different to many of my parents generation and I find it hard to understand

The irony is that inheritance just makes the problem worse and worse. The more people inherit, the more house prices will rise. The more people it takes to buy a house (now in many places two full time salaries plus parental assistance) the higher they go. Inheritance means that society is splitting into those who have and those who have not with a gap that's becoming impossible to bridge.

but they did make you resilient which is massively lacking in a lot of youngsters now.

🙄

How the fuck do I sound resentful?
My children mean the world to me and always have. I was agreeing with a pp
who said we struggled to raise our children and now they're grown it's our time.
My children are self sufficient and don't need me to spoon feed them except the one with health issues who I will always help while I'm able.
Why are so many people still having children especially with the cost of childcare?

Being a parent means preparing your child to be free of you, to be independent, to make their own way.

Tying your child to your apron strings, forever with their hand out, is not going to help them.

If you don’t face challenges you won’t grow.

I refer you to my post above.

My parents are spenders and they are well off due to no mortgage/ pensions/ spending their inheritance from parents. I recall my granny inheriting and she just split it three ways and handed it over to her three children. She was a frugal lady and felt they needed the money more. I'd have loved my parents to do similar, even if only 5k. Hey ho their life though.

It's nobody's inheritance whilst they are alive. I would be inclined to say this too if I thought my offspring were counting their chickens...

@Porcuporpoise agree, we had 6 fig help to get on the ladder so not insignificant. Families were not rich just happened to be Londoners in an area that was rough and then gentrified beyond belief.

My grandparents have gone the opposite way, and my granddad is delaying moving my grandma into a care home because having to fund it through savings/selling their house will wipe them out financially if she lives for another couple of years (she has Alzheimer’s so needs a lot of care but also isn’t at death’s door if that makes sense). My mom keeps saying, she doesn’t want a house or money to inherit, she’d rather they spent all they have making sure her mom gets looked after and her dad gets a break!

My mom is so generous even now I’m an adult, and if she has it to give me to help she does. I appreciate the help but always tell her to just get what she wants to enjoy her retirement, and not worry so much about me!

My parents have gone on a big holiday in the last year, but that’s the extent of their spending on themselves really.

I don't really get this. Spending children's inheritance is a joke - it means that you're spending your money before you die.

My parents prioritised my siblings and I, and I know that they would help me in an emergency, for example if I lost my job. But I never expected them to find my lifestyle into adulthood. Driving lesson, mortgage, and so on, I've done this all myself. This seems normal to me, I'd much rather they have a holiday than scrimp and save a second time round for a mortgage that isn't theirs.

Nobody wants to be dependent on their children for care. My DPs certainly didn’t, they were very independent until suddenly they weren’t. You don’t get a say in whether you need care, sadly, old age decides that for you.

Some of us boomers are sandwiched between elderly parents and DC demanding free child care, so don’t panic, we may never get the chance to spend your inheritance.

People didn't used to have as much choice about whether to have children. Contraception was completely illegal in Ireland until 1980, I know the UK wasn't as behind but there was still the expectation of having children. So people who didn't want children and had them would have felt it to be more of a sacrifice than someone nowadays who is choosing to have children.

As for the phrase I've only heard it from my grandparents when they pay for everyone's dinner in a jokey way. Like "don't thank us, it's your inheritance".

This.
Ascribing it to a particular generation is bullshit. There also are terrible, selfish, abusive parents in today's generations, in GenX, Milleniels, etc. and there are fantastic parents in the Boomer generation. It's so childish and immature to fall back on "boomer" instead of expressing oneself accurately.

No one asked to be born (though boomer parents had less of a choice in the matters of procreation than women today do, by far) but no one is owed a cushy life and endless parental handouts, either. Self-sacrifice is not the same as love.

People who worked a lifetime shouldn't have their world narrowed down to watching TV and the occasional meal at Wetherspoons in older age just so their entitled adult children can have their lifestyles improved. If you want something, work for it.

As the expression goes, "The world doesn't owe you a living. It was here first."

I don't think many people resent their kids but I ask think one should don't sacrifice their life in retirement for the sake of adult children. My mum had nothing to her name and she did what she could with what she had. Yes, that meant I didn't have nice things as a child and had to finance my own hobbies and bits and bobs since turning 16. The thing is, with the best will in the world she wouldn't be able to afford to pay for my hobbies so it was either me paying or not going. I am very grateful to my mum and when she told me she was worried about having to cut her hours due to health issues because she doesn't know how to manage without dipping into my inheritance, I told her to live her life, go on holiday, buy herself something nice and gave her access to my saving account if she needs it. I'd be very pissed off if she went hungry or couldn't buy herself new underwear because she is worried about my inheritance. I am a grown up and made my own way in the world. She brought me up well and owes me nothing.

When do you stop putting DC first?

We are in our sixties., DC in their thirties. We paid for their uni education and gave them allowances whilst they studied (which our parents certainly didn't - we were both at work at 16). We gave them large cash deposits for first properties and a substantial part of inheritances from our own parents. We buy them generous gifts, helped with weddings, paid for private surgery for one of them, help out with unexpected household bills, take them on holidays, out for meals, theatre trips etc.

We have given them an excellent start in life. We didn't want them to wait for us to die before getting a share of our money. We have done a lot for our DC and absolutely enjoyed doing it. We were very privileged to be able to do it but now our working life is coming to an end and we are now spending some of our money on treating ourselves whilst we still have health and strength.

Oh for sure, but it’s also ok to help them out on the path to that, I ended up with huge overdrafts from spending on trying to improve myself by getting my driving done and also worked my arse off part time for years and years whilst studying. In this situation I really hope I can help my dd out and would be extremely proud of her

How greedy can one be.

Eyeballing others' assets with an eye toward how one could benefit from them is SO unseemly. Whatever happened to getting out there and hustling for what you want, like we did?

@ElizaMulvil what's the point of your post? Things have progressed which is normal. Do we not talk about housing and wage stagnation because uni was not open to everyone in the past? You also didn't need degrees in the way many jobs require them now. My parents are boomers and bought a house with a mortgage (interest only) on one salary very easily so your description does not apply to all.

I suppose I see the other side. The over indulgence of kids these days that is creating issues. Kids not having to put effort in to getting things they want, just getting it handed to them and creating the expectation that money is easy to come by. When the reality hits that they won't be getting that level of income for 20+ years they get bitter and complain about the unfairness.

For my estate, I've decided to look into how to leave my place to a domestic violence charity so women and children fleeing domestic violence could use it as temporary accommodation. It's perfectly suited for schools and transport plus has a yard for pets. Apart from my mum, anyone I could leave my estate to is spoilt and has an easy run of things.

My parents inherited loads and seem to be on a mission to make sure they spend it all before they die. Fine, I’ve always said I’d rather they enjoy their retirement. But now I have my own kids, I just don’t understand it. I’m saving for my old age and I’m saving for my kids. I can’t fathom spending everything I have and leaving them with nothing.

I think you and your friends will damage your children if you never give them opportunities and confidence to make their own way in life.

I don't really have an issue with people
splashing the cash although I think it's odd to so if their dc are struggling. What I don't like is the attitude sometimes on here and the DM that "I'm going to go through everything and the state can pay" etc. That's selfish and unwise.