Child Invited To Birthday Party Parents Expected To Pay

[Warrior96]

Hi so I know a child who has been invited to a birthday party, the child is 5. All the kids invited to the birthday party are 5-6 years old so parents will be expected to stay. The invitation asks the parents to pay for themselves. Am I being unreasonable to think this is a bit cheeky?

I suppose that fits with boarding school culture. I’m not from UK and was so shocked when I experienced children going away quite young and then often staying away for term time. Definitely not for me - doesn’t seem to fit with attachment theory, but I suppose everyone is making the decisions they feel will benefit their child most.

We've been to state school parties and we've been to private school parties (we still get invites from old nursery friends) and I've noticed very little difference in behaviour amongst the two. If anything, I'd say the private school kids are a little bit rowdier as their parents tend to pussyfoot around them more when they're misbehaving rather than getting in there and physically dragging them out and putting a stop to things.

What I have noticed is that the kids tend to behave worse when it's mostly dads there. We may be unlucky in our group, but, apart from one or two more proactive ones, the dads tend to think that they've done their bit simply by turning up with the kids and don't tend to supervise them particularly closely.

We've had ones where everyone has paid the parent their child's share. I think they are quite well off, but I do it as I want my kids to have friends, I still think they're a CF.

Some people take the piss with their army's of kids though, expecting them to eat the food and gave goody bags etc.

Possibly a different culture? I'm pretty sure leaving a 4 year old at a party in UK is unheard of? But then I've never been to a kids party and expected to pay?!

Whereas here if you stayed you would be seen as over protective and annoying.

For us our child is 4-5. He’s been to several soft play parties - only of nursery friends.
Not all parents are looking out for kids that aren’t their own. Even I’m unsure who the birthday kid or party kids are at first.

We don’t know the parents or their family members. The soft plays are loud and busy and full of other customers. The door security looks good but there is no one to check that the child you leave with is yours or anything like that. A child could tailgate. At one “bounce” trampoline soft play that we went to, children had access to leave the venue if they wanted to. The parents were all dotted about.

My child also stood in sick at one party - who is cleaning that off him and changing his socks? The parent of the party kid?

I’m not over protective I just think that 4-5 year olds and 5 year olds are still vulnerable and should have someone looking out for them not just a watchful eye of someone who is likely very busy looking after their own kid or the party kid.

Has the OP actually given further details clarifying this?
I think more details are needed as I can't tell if they mean the parents have to pay for them, the parents, to attend or if they mean they want parents to also pay for the child to attend?

Scenario 1: hosts have paid for the child but want parents to pay if they want to stay YABU.
If it's a private party then I would imagine it's a smaller venue and therefore they might have a charge per adult. A lot of soft play centres near me have started doing this, so you pay for a child but also the accompanying adults.
So in the case of a party they might include x amount of adults free and any more would be at cost. If it's a private venue then I would think fair enough as the children could be left as it would only be their friends.
If a public venue I would want to stay, and I would just pay the charge. It's normally only £1-2 so not exactly breaking the bank.
The party cost is already quite high and if the parent then stays too and more than one parent in some cases this could add a lot more onto the overall cost.

Scenario 2: child has been invited to a party but no costs are covered
YANBU. This to me would be an informal playdate rather than a party. If I was paying for my child to attend I would assume we were just catching up and it just so happened to be another child's party. I would probably only take a card and perhaps a token gift such as a bag of sweets.

It's absolutely nothing like that. They are in a contained space where the adults in charge (workers and parents supervising the party) can see them the vast majority of the time and they know exactly who to ask for help if they need it, surrounded by other children who they know.

At one party we were at last year in a busy venue, I saw a 5yo child with our group 'tailgate' another group because he'd got confused and thought it was time to leave. His mother was elsewhere with a younger child and I had to get another parent to watch my own child before I could follow after him. He'd managed, quite unexpectedly, to reach the carpark with this other group and no one had stopped him by the time I caught up. The mother had just worked out he was missing by the time I returned and was starting to look for him. The party parents were busy supervising their own children, including younger siblings, and organising the food. Had I not noticed him leaving, and the mother not been present at the party, it could have been the end of the party before anyone noticed he was missing.

@CrispieCake exactly this!

At all the soft play parties I have been to there is free time to play on the soft play with the general public mixed in.
This time is busy and chaotic and poor vision of where each child is.

The only supervised bit is the party food and games which is usually a shorter time than the soft play bit. And even then we have had to listen out for a tannoy announcement to line up to go to the party area.

They could easily get missed out at this point and left in the soft play.

That's fair enough and I'd feel the same and would therefore pay for myself to go in. Adult entry to soft play is pretty cheap normally, so not a big deal

Once mine started school no parents ever stayed for parties.

its up to the hosts to pay for enough supervising adults to stay. Grandparents, aunties etc.

I'm going to assume it is somewhere like the big soft play in Manchester that charges adults £5 entry on top of what you pay for the child. Parties only give a couple of adult spaces free so you would have to pay extra for any adults wanting to stay and as parties there are around £25 a child I would guess they don't want to fork out for the adults.

Personally I would just pay it as I wouldn't want to leave my 5 year old somewhere like that. It seems a bit tight but the party itself might be costing a substantial amount for them and the parents just can't afford paying an additional £5, especially if there's 20 of them.

Oh behave it is not. 🤣🤣🤣 is ‘hyperbole’ your middle name?

Then surely they should pay, if the option is there to drop off but that they're choosing to stay?

It’s mot about being protective of your child. It’s about making sure the little blighter behaves and doesn’t spoil the party.

Theoretically yes. But if you want your child back at the end of the party in one piece, there are certain parties that you really are taking a risk to leave them alone at.

That.

I will have a big amount of people to celebrate my child special day. Oh but I won’t pay for it so I will have them stay and pay for themselves 😂😂😂

Hopefully some turn up. 💁

The hosts should pay

The answer here would be 'No, thank you'.

Entitled parents of our generation!!

It is. If I left my 5 year old at a soft play he wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the day (and I wouldn't blame him)

Maybe but cost of living around here isn't paying for a parent to attend a childrens' party.

Of course you bring a gift - but paying for staying at a soft play center as a parent you have spend more than a lot of families 2025 can afford.