Child Invited To Birthday Party Parents Expected To Pay

[Warrior96]

Hi so I know a child who has been invited to a birthday party, the child is 5. All the kids invited to the birthday party are 5-6 years old so parents will be expected to stay. The invitation asks the parents to pay for themselves. Am I being unreasonable to think this is a bit cheeky?

Do I think it’s weird that you have to pay for yourself if you make the decision to stay for the party? - no. Do I think it’s weird that you don’t have to stay but choose to stay as you think the venue is large? No. Do I think it would be weird if you didn’t have to stay but chose to stay and still thought the hosts of the party should pay for you? - yes.

I went to one of these types of places as my son was invited to a party. It was expected we would stay due to the young ages of the child - I actually had to go in with him. But we never paid for adults and I don't think the party hosts paid for adults either. Extremely cheeky of the venue!! They are probably already getting £20 odd per child and parents would buy coffee / cake etc!

Can you just say: here for so and sos party at the door and then go in without paying?

I agree these places aren't very well staffed too.

You don’t think parents should stay with a 4 year old?? Our 4 year old still needs help finding and using a toilet that he’s not familiar with.

4 year olds are tiny and vulnerable

Is it an actual party booked with the venue or are the parents just paying for a few kids to go and then leaving the parents to pay for themselves? It sounds like the latter.

Not really if the hosts have financial issues. Or even if they don't it's a fair enough request. It's better to make it clear from the start, then if someone isn't willing to pay or can't afford it then they don't go.
It's no different really to an adult having birthday drinks. They aren't saying they'll pay for everyone, it's just they have organised it and people are happy to spend a bit to be part of an event they'll enjoy.
You can of course simply decline out of principle but that seems a shame for your child to lose out if they'd have a good time.

These threads always have both people claiming it's 'absolutely batshit to leave a 5yr old' as 'it's absolutely batshit to stay with a 5yr old'

It is about expectations, and different demographics of society do have completely different expectations of their children.

As we tend to socialise within our own demographic, we copy others and that becomes your norm. But it isn't other peoples.

How much is it? For £3 I would just suck it up. A tenner, I think my child wouldn’t be going or they wouldn’t be bringing a present.

I am beyond shocked that people would leave a 5 year old, which is still very young, at a large busy venue with party hosts that they might not know very well.

Kids wander off, cry, shove stuff up their nose, get sick, they lose shoes etc they don’t know that they’re doing half the time and that’s without being jacked up on fruit shoots and nuggets.

The idea that a party mum is going to keep an eye on a class full of kids at a soft play party is fantasy land and any old (non DBS checked) Tom Dick or Harry could be there.

I wouldn’t pay and I wouldn’t leave my little kid in those circumstances.

Don’t think that’s what pp meant at all.
I have done this myself where I’ve paid for another one of my children to go in and play, not gate crash, kept them separate and bought them their own food and kept them away from the party area and stayed with them. Where is the problem in this? You’ve took it the wrong way

Of course you would 😒 nobody on Mumsnet would be expected to read an invitation let alone comply with it

As for the original question. If it doesn't work for you party wise simply decline the kids will still see/socialise with each other ...

It is a thing at some places. A soft play round here allows 4 free adults then it's £2 per extra adult. I would not have the balls to ask any parent to pay though i'd just pay the extra if they wanted to stay. Most parents still stay at parties and my son is yr 2. I would have left my dd at that age but not my son he need eyeballs on him.

I always say other siblings are welcome too - makes it easier for parents!

Yes I’ve been that person too! So stressful being the host but it’s just so awful to be the child. I don’t understand why either - the few hours childcare can’t be that crucial to someone??

5-6 is old enough to attend soft play without having a parent hovering on the sidelines. DH and/or I will usually stay and socialise with other parents (kids are 4 turning 5) but we don't "supervise" at all, DD goes off and does her thing for 2 hours. If parents had to pay, we'd leave and come back at the end. If the venue charges per parent then it would be ridiculous to expect the parent to fork out for all the other parents to hang around drinking coffee.

At 5-6 years old, it's not normal for parents to stay. I'd just leave.

There is a difference between hovering at the side lines and leaving the venue.

I would not hover at the sidelines for my 4-5 year old.

I would absolutely not leave the venue while my 4-5 or 5-6 year old attended a party. It’s too young.

Which demographic does what do you think? I live in a fairly homogeneous area, all the parents work in similar professions and have similar family set ups, but it’s really split half between drop and half stay so I’m curious what you think makes the difference or what you’ve noticed?

If you tried that round our way, you'd get a reputation as a very CF. DC's last party was 20 kids in a large local soft play that you don't get to yourself. There's no way the host parents could watch that many 5-6 year olds properly in there, let alone escort them to the toilet or ensure that the more boisterous ones aren't playing too rough and spoiling it for the others. All of the children were escorted by a responsible adult.

It really isn't. You'd happily drop them at school for 6 hours and go.

@Psychologymam
Based on my own experiences, my observations are that privately educated children have higher expectations. I actually teach a sport in both a private school and several state schools and what we would expect of the children (not talking about the sport itself but rather the behaviour around it) differs by years between the two. I would expect my reception children at the private to behave on a level with year 2 in the state.

Depends completely on the location. Some parties you attend there's a great staff to child ratio and you know its the kind of place a DBS would be required to work there. Almost like leaving your child with an after school club scenario.

Other parties, like a soft play party - where its a free for all and the kids are only ferried from soft play area into a party room by staff and thats the end of supervision, not so much.

You're assuming that parents won't awnser the phone; but I'd have mine with me and I'd probably just spend the 2 hours 10-15 mins away.

so you think privately educated children are more likely to leave children alone at kids parties? Interesting - I would have assumed the opposite!

Absolutely, yes @Psychologymam . That's definitely my experience.

Drop & go at a big soft play is the same as letting your 5 year old roam around a busy shopping centre completely unsupervised and having to figure out how to find and use the public toilets by themselves. They will be surrounded by adult strangers at all times and have no way of contacting you directly if they get lost, scared or attacked.

It's absolutely not comparable to a school environment where every child is 100% safe and accounted for during the day. They will also know where the toilets are, where their own belongings are and the names of all the teachers and the other children.

That does depend on the particular soft play though @User3523526

At our one, the children have been many times and know where the toilets are, and there's specific kids loos where everything is small, the handle on the main door is child proofed so they can't get out, and id only drop and go if they were comfortable and familiar with the party child's parent too. So the shopping centre analogy isn't accurate for the soft play I know.