To think it would be nice if guests helped with the washing up

[Forestmumlondon]

Rarely have people round for dinner but the last couple of times (Christmas day, and then more recently for a late lunch), I've been left with all the washing up and tidying up.

Am mainly just happy to have people over and grateful they've come round. BUT as a single mum with an under 5 year old... Am I being unreasonable to think it would be NICE if people helped a bit with the tidying up? After the stress of food shopping, prep, entertaining and then all the washing up it leaves me exhausted and burnt out for days!!

Think it doesn't help that being slightly socially awkward I find the socialising aspect also quite draining. But what's the alternative never have people over!?

YANBU. If I'm a guest at someone's house I'll always offer to help.

It may not have occurred to them that you are washing up rather than using a dishwasher.

It would be nice of them to at least offer help as they know your circumstances.

Yanbu. I have never gone to someone house for a meal without helping to clear up. I would not feel comfortable leaving it all to the host.

My friends always offer to help. Sometimes I accept, but sometimes would rather we all relax and I'll do it afterwards on my own with music on. Tbf, I don't have a 5yr old.

Part of hosting IMO.

I want to enjoy my friend's company after a meal, not jump straight into chores together.

Depending on your relationship with the guests I think you just need to ask them? Personally I hate people helping as I'm quite particular about how I like things done, so I wouldn't want to overstep at someone's house but if they asked for help of course I would.

I usually offer to do it in PILs and my mum's. But I don't expect guests to offer to do the dishes

I’d never expect guests to wash up.

Do you clean as you go? It’s a lot less overwhelming after the meal if you do.

I suppose it depends how well you know them. Generally speaking I wouldn't expect it, but good friends who visit often would probably help.

Exhausted and burnt out, for DAYS? Touch of the dramatics there OP. 🙄

Tend to help gather all the plates up and scrape food into the waste bag and rinse but I wouldn’t wash up or load the dishwasher as people have their very set ways also I don’t know which of your pots are dishwasher safe or not either.

If there is a lot to do then I will ask guests to play or watch dc so I can get cleaned up ready for pudding. That usually gets their help a bit and mitigates trying to look after dc at the same time

We host a lot and don’t really want help. Maybe if it’s in the garden, guests can bring plates and dishes back up to the house, but after a dinner party, we don’t need help to clear and load the dishwasher. I’d rather guests continue to sit and chat rather than feeling they should be clearing up.

YABU, with the caveat that if it is a big family dinner and you are hosting, then your family should absolutely help. If it is just a couple of friends, then no, that is just a part of hosting.

I would expect family to help but not other guests.

I'm the same. However, OP, could you clarify about the Christmas situation? I do think that hosting family for holiday meals is a little different, as it isn't a normal dinner party situation.

Do you wash up when you go to friend's houses?

As a general rule in our group of friends, the guest might offer, but the host ALWAYS refuses and just leaves everything stacked neatly on the side in the kitchen/utility to load into the dishwasher later.

But we all take our turn at hosting, and we all have big enough houses that we're not eating/socialising in the same room as the dirty washing up and we all have dishwashers, so it's easy enough to deal with once the guests have gone home or the following day.

Growing up in NZ my mum and her friends (and any other guests) ALWAYS just began clearing the table and one would start washing and hand the tea towel to someone else.

When I got to the UK I was really surprised at how few people even offer to take a plate to the kitchen. I also have had people tell me I am weird for coming into the kitchen and offering to help lol

I guess it must be a cultural and then possibly even a regional thing in the UK maybe

Are you sure it's the pots you find stressful?

Fill the sink and wash as you go

Pick one pot style meals like paella for ease.

Soak pans until next day.

Invite less people

If they're good friends then ask them for a hand.

I absolutely hate washing up in people's houses, can't bear other people's plates with half eaten food on plus they never seem to have new washing up gloves that i can use. I appreciate that's a 'me' problem but maybe they feel similarly.

I think it depends on the situation somewhat. Friends that I’ve invited over for dinner who rarely come, no I don’t expect them to help clean up, and I’d just pile it up, enjoy their company, and leave it to clean later after they’ve left. If you had the same friends round regularly on a more casual basis then yes, they should help clean up.

Guests who are staying at yours for several days or longer, then absolutely, it would be extremely rude if they didn’t.

Are they staying the night? If not could you just leave it and wait until after they’ve left?

I agree it is part of hosting. I would only be upset if they didn’t return the invitation so I could put my feet up at their house!

I think it's different styles when I could Xmas dinner for ten. I prep in advance, wash as I go/stack dishwasher. Have a timed plan. It's very chilled and straightforward. Maybe 20
Min cleaning after.

Dh uses every pot, gets hugely stressed out and makes a massive mess. It takes over an hour to clean up after.