To think it would be nice if guests helped with the washing up

[Forestmumlondon]

Rarely have people round for dinner but the last couple of times (Christmas day, and then more recently for a late lunch), I've been left with all the washing up and tidying up.

Am mainly just happy to have people over and grateful they've come round. BUT as a single mum with an under 5 year old... Am I being unreasonable to think it would be NICE if people helped a bit with the tidying up? After the stress of food shopping, prep, entertaining and then all the washing up it leaves me exhausted and burnt out for days!!

Think it doesn't help that being slightly socially awkward I find the socialising aspect also quite draining. But what's the alternative never have people over!?

Yes sometimes do this. Although by the time bedtime is done etc it's 8pm, and I'm a lightweight at the mo and get tired by 9/10pm!!

Also sometimes nice to have a family vibe with my son included. Feel a bit sad for him and me that all our meals are just us two, especially on a Sunday!

YANBU.
i stopped doing meals for a while due to the admin you described. moved instead to afternoon cake. Or post dinner hang outs and just provide snacks.

now I do one pot meals or prep something before and clear up. Then just bake on the day. I think it’s polite to offer to wash up as a guest and to bring the host some wine/dessert or flowers too.

Simple is the way to go isn't it.

Yes I clean as I go. By dinner time I've already catered for 2 meals that day, if I wasn't cleaning as I went there wouldn't be enough cutlery / plates left!!

I am a terrible host for this. I hate anyone in my kitchen. It stresses me out- I was on my own for a good long while and I'm used to being independent and having control. My poor MIL wants to help with stuff- but she is the same when I go to her house too, so it all evens out!

Just tell them: “Right Steve you wash I dry!”

Personally unless they are staying for a long time I like guests to relax when they’re with me. If it’s several days + then I do expect a hand because crap builds up quickly in that time

sounds like its a "reset you self expectation issues" thing

when my besties kids were little, we used to go round to an earlier dinner with them so we could see all the family.

YABVU. IME many people are terrible at washing up, I would just have to wash it again when they left.

Oh deary, deary me!
That would be 'un grand faux pas' where one lives.
Surely the staff do this sort of work?
I can't remember Mummy ever asking the Aga Khan to don some rubber gloves and 'get stuck in' (for washing up, I mean.😊)

Yanbu it's so rude to just sit there and watch a woman do all the work.

I sneak off after dinner to do the dishwasher but usually find that a guest appears very quickly to help. I always accept it if the offer is there and I do the same when I’m a guest elsewhere.

There are some people who never offer though, and I find it odd. My PIL never would, for example. They’re wonderful company but they won’t even help take the plates into the kitchen.

Do you leave the guests on their own though or is someone entertaining with you?

but you CAN leave guests on their own just say something like "back in a minute, save the juicy goss!"

@Forestmumlondon ah, DH does all the cooking so he’d be in with the other guests.

Let’s not go overboard! You’ve given your 5 year old something like some cereal and a piece of cheese on toast, not “catered two meals”, surely. That’s the blink of an eye.

I don’t want people to help clean up. Maybe clearing the table so everything is stacked on the side for me to deal with later, but that’s it. I’d rather spend time with them.

I mean I have to eat too...

And that's after doing pretty much all the meals over the last 5 years.

I'd rather spend time with them as well. Hence why I don't disappear and leave them on their own. But then have it all to do myself once they leave.

I don't miss my ex, but entertaining was definitely more fun as a pair. And not having anyone to just casually eat with rather than it being me 'hosting' is pretty crap too.

I never expect guests to wash up. They are my guests and I wait on them, feed them and clear up. It’s my pleasure.

The only people I eat with in their homes are family, and I always get up and help clear up after. Clearing the table and carrying things to the kitchen at the very least, depending on what the host wants then maybe washing up/dishwasher and cleaning up properly, but a the very least I'd clear my place and offer to help. Just sitting while someone rushed around clearing up after me like a servant seems really lazy.
That said, if it was non family then I might not expect them to accept, but basic manners should dictate you at least offer.

you can host casually....its your mindset that says you can't.

Suggestions welcome! That don't involve serving frozen pizzas or ordering expensive take aways.

I think breakfast is a bit more of a low key one to start with.

It's something about a Sunday roast that in my mind is nicer with more than just me and DS. But I guess that is how the cookie has crumbled for now.

OK, well let yourself off that particular hook for now! Just make a pot of pasta and serve it with a salad. Buy something for dessert, or ask your guests to bring one.

Op completely honestly I prefer guests to relax and not feel they have to jump up and help etc however in your circumstances I would definitely offer to help and expect to help.

Don't forget the garlic bread!!