Making up a supply box for son/DIL first time buyers

[Floranan]

My son and DIL are finally in a position to buy their first home and have had an offer excepted this week so all very excited. They’ve never had the own place before so this is such a big thing for them and is stretching them financially.

I know they have been buying the odd thing whilst saving a deposit, some bedding / towels a set of glasses but not much else,

DH and I have discussed what we want to do to help, we thought to give them a gift of money on exchange of contracts so they can start buying household goods, and have already said we will buy them a fridge and washing machine when they complete.

this is all great and I’m really happy about it. But when my other son left home and got a place with his GF money was tight for them too, and we gave them about the same, but I also made up a couple of gift boxes, I had great fun doing this and yes I will admit it is a lot to give me pleasure. 3 boxes, one full of cleaning supplies - loo brush bin bags bleach etc second full of basic kitchen stuff - wooden spoons, rolling pin, basic stuff you didn’t think you need you know. The 3rd box - basic supplies, salt/pepper herbs / spices flour tea coffee tins of stuff you get the picture, stuff to feed them for a few days and to stock the cupboard with basics.

my reasoning is people will buy them kettles and dinner sets etc, but you do need wooden spoons !

my son and now DIL were thrilled with their boxes and really helped them out. So I now want todo them for son n2, but DH says he doesn’t remember me doing that before and tbh he thinks it’s a pretty lame idea.

is it? Am I doing something that is silly, I just thought it’s a nice thing todo, and yes I will like doing it, but it’s a lot of trouble if it’s not really wanted.

i don’t know.

I think basically, when you were getting your first place, what would you have thought if your MIL did that .

Money for a takeaway on moving day would also be a great gift!

I think I would prefer to buy my own - if I didn't already have them. Anyone renting will have all this stuff already and if they don't, wouldn't they prefer to buy the brands/items that they want when they want them? My MIL keeps sending us hampers at Christmas and I really wish she wouldn't. In stead, I would buy them a couple of small less essentials as house warming presents like a nice vase or a lamp.

Completely agree. It’s a nice thought but you’re treating them like children. And part of the fun of having your first home is starting with nothing and slowly adding things as you go / learn. Your intentions are good but it comes across as controlling MIL behaviour.

This occurred to me as we’re moving next year. Do we take the washing machine/dryer/range cooker? I’m dreading the packing up/moving, obviously we’ll have movers, another issue as due to the layout of the street, we’ll be blocking neighbours for however long is needed. Of course I’ll let them know and they can move their cars, but what a pain!

Re the moving in boxes, I’d be wary in case they find it patronising or have very fixed ideas on what they want. Amazon voucher might go down better. There’s plenty of time to find out discretely if they’ve just had an offer accepted.

If you sell a house, you can offer the white goods to the buyers, either free or at a price. They can accept or decline your offer.

When my oldest left home I gave her a gift card for IKEA and another one for a local kitchen ware shop. We also did a first online food order together that I paid for. It was the most expensive online shop I have ever done but there was so much stuff needed: cleaning products, toilet paper, salt, dishwasher tablets, milk, bread, oil, candles, cling film, like all of it. It was fun to do with her and I didn't mind paying for her to get started.

It sounds like a nice idea if they'll be open to it.
My parents gave us an old screwdriver set and some tools. We still use them now. We had lived in a la flat for a few years so had all the "stuff" but no tools really.

This is so so so lovely.

I would add

Caulk and the bits to go with that and polyfilla
Various sandpapers
First shop bits like someone said above- fairy liquid etc

Chuck in a bottle of fizz ! 💙

That's lovely!

Tin opener! Nothing more annoying than not having a tin opener.

I think a box of consumables is a good idea. Bags of good-brand dishwasher tablets, washing pods, bin bags, cleaning products etc. Tins to stock the cupboards etc.

Speaking for myself, I wanted to buy the other stuff myself! Things like cutlery, pots and pans etc, I wanted to choose them. Things that were going to live in my house for potentially the rest of my life, I wanted to pick them out myself.

This is so lovely.

My parents did this for me when I bought a house. Rolling pin, sieve etc. The things you don't think about until you need them. It was a huge help for us.

It's quite obtuse to think that it's obtuse to not like this idea.

I want to choose my own stuff and wouldn't thank anyone for imposing their choices on me. I don't use wooden spoons because they don't go in the dishwasher for example, so it would clutter the drawer up unused until I got around to binning it or sending it to the charity shop.

I'd be more inclined to give them an Amazon Prime subscription. They could then get anything they need delivered within 24 hours.

You sound lovely - Yes to consumables and toolset - dustpans, mop and brush set. extension leads. I'd also offer to buy a bin - if there isn't one built in nice ones are so expensive - you don't realise ! If your DH thinks it's lame it's possibly because he had never had to think about stuff like this - you buy it and it just appears. The only thing I don't buy people is anything decorative.

Don't buy anything that will last for years that they're going to feel obliged to use even if they hate it and resent the waste of money every time they trip up over their nice but totally impractical bin.

I’d seriously hate it if someone bought me a bin.

We bought ours a tool box and drill!

I think it's a lovely idea, but I wouldn't buy anything obvious, like plates, cutlery etc, as they'll probably want to choose their own. Stuff you mentioned would be great.

I wouldn't get food, as I really like doing the first big food shop when I move into a new place, but a tool set, drill and step ladder are a great idea.

Oh man I would really hate this 🙈 sorry!

I would appreciate the thought and sentiment but I'd just end up with that horrible anxious/guilty feeling when someone gets you something that you really didn't want and you now feel like you have to use it. But you really don't want to and you're just a bit peeved that they've taken away your opportunity to get yourself what you really wanted without looking ungrateful or spoiled 🤯

I am an adult so I know what I need/want in my kitchen. I know which cleaning products I like and I am quite particular about them. I just wouldn't want anyone else choosing that stuff for me. And it's not like you can easily donate it or get rid of it in a way that's not wasteful.

It's a nice thought but I think it'd be better to get them vouchers for homewares or a takeaway for example.

The last dustpan and brush set I bought is a beautiful turquoise blue and it makes me happy. Imagine if I was forced to use a horrible grey one because my MIL had bought it for me as a gift.

I'm amazed so many think this is a lovely idea. It is generous, yes, but controlling at the same time and boundary crossing too.

My parents bought a toolkit when I moved out, over 20 years and at least 5 house moves later and it still gets regular use!

I think a tin opener and corkscrew (and some nice wine to open if that's their thing) would be great. Maybe some nice teatowels, a decent wooden chopping board and perhaps a vase as someone may well buy them flowers at some point. Things that are nice/useful but it wouldn't be the end of the world if they ended up with more than one.

I think maybe not cleaning supplies though, unless you have a super close realtionship with DIL there is scope for that to get misinterpreted.

I think maybe B&Q vouchers or, as PP said, an amazon prime subscriptionwould be fab to hlep them choose their own stuff.

When I moved out, my mum and aunt did something similar. A couple of boxes of really useful utensils, crockery, glasses, pots and pans. 30 years later, I still have some of crockery!

You could easily say that you have put together basics so that they can replace to their liking later on rather than spend money now.

A hamper containing light bulbs, batteries, smoke alarms, tool box, rechargeable screwdriver, cleaning equipment would be an absolute winner.

I would have loved this. Esp the cleaning and basic kitchen stuff ones.
Although me and my DH had been living in house shares, there were loads of basic things we were constantly going out and getting.

I think this is a lovely idea! I would go with things that can be eaten / used up so there is no risk of giving them a second tin opener or stuff in the wrong colour. Eg food hamper type stuff - nice jam, cheeses, etc; luxury bath stuff. You know them, so will be able to to tailor stuff to their tastes. Eg for me extra mugs are always a good thing, but some people would hate that.