Making up a supply box for son/DIL first time buyers

[Floranan]

My son and DIL are finally in a position to buy their first home and have had an offer excepted this week so all very excited. They’ve never had the own place before so this is such a big thing for them and is stretching them financially.

I know they have been buying the odd thing whilst saving a deposit, some bedding / towels a set of glasses but not much else,

DH and I have discussed what we want to do to help, we thought to give them a gift of money on exchange of contracts so they can start buying household goods, and have already said we will buy them a fridge and washing machine when they complete.

this is all great and I’m really happy about it. But when my other son left home and got a place with his GF money was tight for them too, and we gave them about the same, but I also made up a couple of gift boxes, I had great fun doing this and yes I will admit it is a lot to give me pleasure. 3 boxes, one full of cleaning supplies - loo brush bin bags bleach etc second full of basic kitchen stuff - wooden spoons, rolling pin, basic stuff you didn’t think you need you know. The 3rd box - basic supplies, salt/pepper herbs / spices flour tea coffee tins of stuff you get the picture, stuff to feed them for a few days and to stock the cupboard with basics.

my reasoning is people will buy them kettles and dinner sets etc, but you do need wooden spoons !

my son and now DIL were thrilled with their boxes and really helped them out. So I now want todo them for son n2, but DH says he doesn’t remember me doing that before and tbh he thinks it’s a pretty lame idea.

is it? Am I doing something that is silly, I just thought it’s a nice thing todo, and yes I will like doing it, but it’s a lot of trouble if it’s not really wanted.

i don’t know.

I think basically, when you were getting your first place, what would you have thought if your MIL did that .

I remember dh and I doing our first shop after getting married. For some reason I wanted to go to an independant supermarket which was a distance away from us. The reason is lost in the mists of time. This was mid eighties. It cost £70 approx which was a lot of money back then but was basically store cupboard staples and cleaning stuff which you wouldn't be replacing all in one go hopefully anyway.

Perhaps it depends on their age but they sound quite young and dependent still, so I doubt they will take offence as some are suggesting, especially as they've never lived independently so won't have much. I'm in my 40s and have lived in about 15 different houses as an adult and I still appreciated that my mum bought me a washing up bowl for my current house.

I think this is lovely, and only the very obtuse would not like it / refuse it. I think some of the ideas other posters have are also good (esp. around tools, screwdrivers spring to mind, good torch). Even if I thought my MIL was a bit bonkers, I would have loved it that someone cared for me so much to think about it. xx

Just give them the money to buy what they want. Part of the fun is choosing your own stuff, even the basics. Plus surely they won't need a fridge and washing machine right away, don't most people leave white goods for the new owners?

That sounds like a lovely idea OP

Lovely idea. I still have the tool box my dad bought me when I moved out post university. He's not usually a thoughtful man, but it was sweet, and very useful (ok, some of the Allen keys have gone awol over the last two decades, but the main bits are intact).

Spices etc are a great idea. And some kilner jars for flour, pasta etc.

Plus surely they won't need a fridge and washing machine right away, don't most people leave white goods for the new owners?

Not in my experience.

A tool box with the basics in, I remember when we moved in to our first place we had nothing like that and it would have been so helpful.

Everyone forgets a colander....that's worth popping in.

I'll add a negative experience.

We did our homework, got all the basics we needed for cleaning and the first few days, (yes, including wine and tin openers, even though we don't really need the tin opener), quite everything. We felt proud that we were adulting so well.

My mum marched in with a set of cleaning supplies. I suppose she enjoyed putting things together, but I wasn't pleased, it felt like she decided we wouldn't think to bring a dustpan and brush.
I was disappointed that it took from us managing just fine, and she was disappointed she wasn't the saviour.

My mum in law did something similar, cleaning supplies and bits and bobs. She also gave us some vouchers for our 1st food shop. We were hugely grateful.

Command strips

Would they want wooden spoons or silicone? Toilet brush or flat silicone type in a particular colour? If they need a rolling pin, they'd know and choose the type. Cleaning products, floral, fruit or spicy sented? You could be handing them a box of unwanted, but expensive crap. It could be the source of their first argument though.

MIL made us up a sewing box - some cotton reels, needles, pins, safety pins, scissors etc. We sill have it 30 years on and I still think of her on the odd occasion I need to sew a button on.

My dad got us a small step ladder (extremely useful), a fire extinguisher and fire blanket, and a tool box with some of his tools in (love using them as he died a few years ago). My mum sorted out spare pillow cases, some hand towels, cleaning materials, and a torch (very handy as it was a wind up one and is never out of power). I remember as we used everything often over the years, I still have most of it all over 20 years later!

Sounds a lovely idea!
You can include some batteries too. They're so blooming expensive and so many things still require them 😊.

What a lovely thing to do! I would love that, so thoughtful xx

Agreed, I was going to say it would feel like overstepping for me, but infantalising nails it. As an adult buying my own home I'd have felt weird about my folks buying me house supplies. Even the boring stuff is fun when it's for your first home, that you've made happen.

What a lovely idea. I'd be so happy if I received that. You sound like a lovely mum/mil

Yes, and it's especially if it was handed to me with the words "here are some of those things that you just don't know you need, like a wooden spoon and a tin opener"... When I've just managed to buy my own house!

Love this idea, these items massively mount up in cost!

I’d think she was awesome and very thoughtful!!

I'm one who wouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, be very grateful, and spend the cash it freed up on other stuff for the house. I think its a lovely idea.

I have one kid who would love this, and another I know would hate it and see it as babying him. So I think a lot comes down to personality just because your eldest liked it doesn't mean the other will.

Maybe a supermarket or DIY trip where you have a coffee/lunch then get stuff together might be a better way to do it?

I think part of the fun is choosing this stuff yourself. I’d give them a gift card for John Lewis or somewhere so they can choose their own things.