Making up a supply box for son/DIL first time buyers

[Floranan]

My son and DIL are finally in a position to buy their first home and have had an offer excepted this week so all very excited. They’ve never had the own place before so this is such a big thing for them and is stretching them financially.

I know they have been buying the odd thing whilst saving a deposit, some bedding / towels a set of glasses but not much else,

DH and I have discussed what we want to do to help, we thought to give them a gift of money on exchange of contracts so they can start buying household goods, and have already said we will buy them a fridge and washing machine when they complete.

this is all great and I’m really happy about it. But when my other son left home and got a place with his GF money was tight for them too, and we gave them about the same, but I also made up a couple of gift boxes, I had great fun doing this and yes I will admit it is a lot to give me pleasure. 3 boxes, one full of cleaning supplies - loo brush bin bags bleach etc second full of basic kitchen stuff - wooden spoons, rolling pin, basic stuff you didn’t think you need you know. The 3rd box - basic supplies, salt/pepper herbs / spices flour tea coffee tins of stuff you get the picture, stuff to feed them for a few days and to stock the cupboard with basics.

my reasoning is people will buy them kettles and dinner sets etc, but you do need wooden spoons !

my son and now DIL were thrilled with their boxes and really helped them out. So I now want todo them for son n2, but DH says he doesn’t remember me doing that before and tbh he thinks it’s a pretty lame idea.

is it? Am I doing something that is silly, I just thought it’s a nice thing todo, and yes I will like doing it, but it’s a lot of trouble if it’s not really wanted.

i don’t know.

I think basically, when you were getting your first place, what would you have thought if your MIL did that .

I'd bite my tongue and try and really appreciate the generosity and the money saving, but the implication that I wouldn't otherwise had had the gumption to stock my kitchen drawers with basic utensils would rankle a bit.

I would opt for a couple of decent gifts, rather than boxes of 'bits,' they can pick up cheaply themselves.
And you've already been super generous
Tool set is a great gift
Iron/ironing board
Fancy candle to make the new place smell nice
Moving in day box- for before they unpack. Dinner for that night. Bottle of champagne. Plates/glasses. Slippers/pjs/,toothbrushes!

When I bought my first house my dm paid for. Washing machine and fridge freezer. Both lasted about 12 years.

Agree with this. My DH's DGF had just died when we bought our first home and we got the contents of his shed .... lawn mower, spade, wheel barrow, drill, tools, ladder, drill, saw etc - still have most of it 30 years later. Maybe collect second hand gardening tools etc as they are so expensive.

Very generous and very thoughtful OP!

If you've already resolved to give money then I should stick to that and add a small hamper - champagne/chocs etc as a gift for the day of the move.

I personally wouldn't want to have my house filled with things somebody else picked.

I think you sound lovely.

I'm a keen cook so there's things on your list I wouldn't want, or rather, I'd prefer to pick myself. I think I'd probably amalgamate the second two boxes, so you've got things that you need more than one of: wooden spoons, some nice jars of herbs and spices, kitchen roll, couple of plain-ish chopping boards, that sort of thing.

Things like knives and tin openers I'd probably hold back on just in case they've a taste for Alessi or whatever.

I love it and I'm stealing this idea. I'd be over the moon at such a thoughtful gift! From the other comments it's a very marmite idea!

My late mum made up a few boxes of bits and bobs.
That was in 1979. We still use the pegs, wooden spoons and butter knife.
It's a good idea as these are the things you don't think about getting.

One of the gifts for our wedding was purchased by my aunt.
Cutlery set for 20 people. That's also still in use.
When we thanked her but did mention that there is only 2 of us.
Forward planned she replied. Now we have enough for our children,
wife, husband and all the grandchildren.

Its a lovely idea, but personally, I think the contents should be slightly different.

I cook a great deal and really enjoyed choosing my own wooden spoons/cooking bits/knives etc. If you know they don't have them, a basic, electric can opener and oxo peelers are great.

Are they very young? When I was TTC, I would only use certain brands of cleaning products. They may not be TTC, but some people prefer a different fragrance to products, no fragrance, eco type etc.

I'd think about more generic things which are so handy, yet people don't think about till they need them!- batteries in various sizes, scissors, sellotape, blu tak, a vase, pens, note pad, fire blanket, first aid kit, WD40, screwdriver set, extension cord with surge protector, outdoor broom, emergency light or just a good torch.

Perfectly nice idea. Do it.

My favourite thing i use on a daily basis (well I don't enjoy the chore, but I love the thing) is a long handled dustpan and brush, so no bending down to sweep the floor. They clip together for storage, and make me sweep more often than I would.

Ooh, now, batteries, sellotape, pens, post-its... These even I can get on board with as "things you don't know you need". Even if you do know you need them, you can never have too many and they are not a matter of individual taste. And even if you do utterly loathe the post-its your MIL chooses, they run out eventually!

Items for the inevitable 'drawer of useful things' , good idea. Sticky labels are useful as are tie handle freezer bags.

I'm with those who would find it to be infantilising. I'd be very confused if someone assumed that I wasn't capable of knowing that I'd need a tin opener, I'd also want to pick out my own stuff.

As my nieces and nephews have moved into their own homes I have bought each of them a first aid kit, and some basic medical supplies. All of them appreciated it. I love your idea.

It's a lovely idea OP, go for it.

I think this a lovely thought.

Yes, part of the fun is choosing your own stuff, but when you have to outfit an entire house from scratch as a young person, often you just buy the cheapest thing because it's so much money at once, and that's all you can afford.

If they don't like the things OP has chosen, they can replace them with their preferred items, but the key thing is that they won't have to do it all at once, which might enable them to buy more expensive versions of items.

When I got married at a young age soon after buying our first place, my workmates gave me a box of tea towels and little things like serving tongs, etc. It was so cute and I loved the thought that had gone into choosing the items. I still have some of them, nearly 20 years later! Others have been long replaced by more upmarket versions, but I still smile when I think of it.

I think some people are viewing this through the lens of people who have run their own households for a decade or more and think it's overstepping, whereas it sounds like the couple has never lived independently, or if they have, it's only been for a short time.

OP, I would say to your DH, "You might not remember, but I did do it and it was much appreciated."

I would make up the boxes, and just say to the couple that if they don't like what you've chosen, you won't be offended if they replace things, and just to donate what they don't want to a homeless or women's shelter, or give to friends who need household stuff.

I'm viewing it through the eyes of how excited I was when I got my first place and part of that excitement was buying everything myself, which I did. Sometimes I had to wait to buy things (though tin openers, not so much) but that made it so much more sweeter and satisfying when I could buy it, especially because it was exactly what I wanted.

I would've been disappointed if someone took that away from me, even with good intentions. Especially if it involved them saying they believed I wouldn't know to buy the very basics.

As someone whose started from scratch a few times I would love this and have been given similar gifts when starting over.

The only thing I’d say is be careful if your buying things that have a theme/style, some people even if you know them well can be funny if they have an idea in their head, even if they are given something nice.

I wouldn't thank you for kitchen things as I'd want to choose those myself - even the tin opener.

But this list from a PP has some good ideas...

I'd think about more generic things which are so handy, yet people don't think about till they need them!- batteries in various sizes, scissors, sellotape, blu tak, a vase, pens, note pad, fire blanket, first aid kit, WD40, screwdriver set, extension cord with surge protector, outdoor broom, emergency light or just a good torch.

I'd add some other tools, picture hooks, command strips, a snow shovel, secateurs and maybe a garden fork/spade, string, tape measure, selection of wall plugs, screws, cable ties, gorilla tape, nails, a plunger, bucket. All things that are needed at some point but not particularly sexy purchases.

Yes! I would go with this over the kitchen items like wooden spoons!

Cleaning sundries, food basics and takeaway!

You are giving cash, which they can spend on tin openers, wooden spoons, etc or a frivolous print or whatever they fancy. You are buying white goods, which are a little essential. In this day and age I think a "bits box" is still a good idea but I'd cover their moving in day downtime. So, a few ideas: Deliveroo/Just Eat voucher, bottle of favourite drink (Coke or vodka, take your pick!), nice candle if they like them, a Netflix giftcard if they haven't sorted it out yet and like it (you can just gift a month or two), favourite snacks, a snuggly throw for the sofa, premium bath/shower stuff and a lovely card.

Great idea OP but stay away from buying things that they may wish to pick themselves or items that would be on show e.g. kettles or microwaves.
Cleaning materials, kitchen and loo roll, a basic tools box and some treats such as a couple of bottles of good wine plus two nice glasses, a bowl of fruit, biscuits, and perhaps a supermarket voucher so they can stock up on the foodstuffs that they will actually (i.e. no point in buying herbs, cereals, preserves, etc. they'd hate,}

I don't want to rain on your parade, OP, but one of the things I really enjoyed most about finally moving away from home was going to buy my own tin openers and pans and stuff. I think a gift box is a really lovely idea but I would probably make it something more like a treats hamper.