I probably am being unreasonable but i need to vent.....

[smileitlightsupyourface]

I have an "friend" who is on benefits. She receives universal credit, PIP ( for MS) and has a car on the motability scheme. I know she has MS and has bad days but she lives a very active life...goes to the gym regularly, goes on active days out with the children each week and has a very active social life. This friend has literally never ever worked a job. She had kids young and has always been on benefits. Her dc have expensive hobbies such as horse riding and golf and are also season ticket holders at a premiership football club. She has none of the dc fathers on the scene and her family don't have much to do with them. She is constantly posting pictures on social media of her dc doing their hobbies and expensive days out. They are currently on a very expensive long haul holiday for half term. Its really starting to grate on me that she doesn't work and never has but lives this type of lifestyle while i work full time and as well as being constantly knackered i would struggle to afford her lifestyle. I know im being unreasonable but she seems very tone deaf when posting all this stuff on social media when so many are struggling to pay bills. I really don't want to be bitter but its winding me up!

Oh god I forgot how many nasty keyboard warriors sit on here each day trying to start arguments. My point is clear that some people abuse the system. I’m sure you would have a difference of opinion if someone was stashing money away to avoid tax. I actually have a child with Autism and it hasn’t stopped me working full time throughout her whole life. She hasn’t had a seizure since she was a child. Her kids have autism, they are in main stream school. I personally think it’s crazy that working people are struggling to pay for basic things like gas and electric and there are people out there getting thousands a month and going abroad every school holiday but never worked a day.

The stashing of the money is a separate issue, and it is wrong. No one would dispute that.

The rest though... all third hand info anyway (her mum told your mum who told you etc). Reminds me of " If you didn't hear it with your own ears or see it with your own eyes, don't invent it with your small mind and share it with your big mouth"

The benefits she gets is between her doctors and the DWP, no one else. Working people who are struggling are not doing so because of people claiming benefits.

I personally think it’s crazy that working people are struggling to pay for basic things like gas and electric and there are people out there getting thousands a month and going abroad every school holiday but never worked a day.
There can be little difference between a low income worker and someone on full disability benefits, believe me that neither are going abroad on school holidays or splashing the cash.
Both would be in a very similar position financially.
They probably enjoy the occasional treat but mostly definitely No Don't have the life that some people try to moan about or be jealous of.

What an utterly reductive argument you've made after being called out.
Defending disabled people - some of the most vulnerable in society - is not "keyboard nastiness".
My only purpose to replying to you was with the hope you wouldn't do it again. I will not stand by and watch disability discrimination. Because ANYONE who is disabled knows they would swap all the money in the world to be well.

It is ugly, brutal and unfair. I know people with uncontrolled epilepsy. They are very, very ill. You haven't asked, but I'll address your points in order:

1. Some people probably do abuse the system. I don't see how that's relevant to the outright disability discrimination I see on this thread. Some workers also pay cash-in-hand. Do you so closely interlink those two?
2. I understand your child has autism, but that's not especially relevant. You go onto say "she hasn't had a seizure since she was a child". Does she also have epilepsy? And she's able to work. That's fantastic but merely illustrates that all disabilities are different and impact people differently.
3. Her children (your grandchildren?) also have autism and are in mainstream school. Again, it shows that disabilities and disorders present differently.
4. You criticise people not working but getting "thousands". But you don't know she got thousands in benefits. I suspect that's hearsay and you're taking it out on her. Also, she's got epilepsy - presumbly severe enough not to work, and so is entitled to money.

I can't have children and did work for a large part of my life. I don't having resent paid for you and your daughter and your grandchildren to receive NHS care, as they presumably did, and child benefit. I don't resent them getting free schooling.

I think that's what taxes are for. I don't say " mine can only go towards X." That's not how it works.

I really hate people think it is and the target is on disabled people's backs. We're not - on the main - scroungers. We're just incredibly unlucky.

Basically they want to force people into jobs that don't exist, ie employers that are prepared to accommodate disabilities of whatever kind. Wages that are so low that they wouldn't keep a cat. C19 vaccines have caused thousands of injuries so more people now unable to work. NHS waiting lists years long. Go after the billionaire tax avoiders, close the loopholes. Not a chance .

👏👏👏👏

Yes, thank you for this thoughtful post.

I don't actually think people hide their rampantly ableist views, although I respect you for having a more nuanced take on it and realising the narrative "I'd be better off on benefits - disabled people are scrounging" is just that: a narrative. Where it comes from is up to the individual to decide but I'd always encourage critical thinking. And, of course, everyone is a slip, a fall, a dianosis, a pandemic, away from needing the state. Look at the many celebrities battling illnesses. Let me ask people criticising "scroungers". If you developed something which pulled you away from work and you had to be in hospital for months, ill, weak, scared you'd lose your home, would you also be a scrounger? I wouldn't call you that.

Yes, nearly everyone will become disabled. Aging is a privilege. And if you do get the opportunity to live a long life, you will likely become disabled. Be grateful for the health you enjoy and don’t begrudge those who get some government help. You too one day may need such assistance.

What an awful post !
She has MS so anything she might post on social media will be a small snippet of a good day when she’s in remission.
There is no way she’s funding long haul holidays , someone else must be paying for that 🤔 and s others have mentioned the mobility part of her PIP will fund the vehicle she has.
Also maybe some aren’t aware but there are charities who support disabled people and their carers .
These charities will often get funding to offer disabled people and their carers a holiday but that’s usually a small holiday cottage in the UK or a day out / passes for the zoo / concert / convention/ theme park .

Good to see that the majority of replies have been from enlightened supportive people.

As soon as a post starts with
i know someone who has never worked in their life, I know the rest of their posts will be the same.

The friend of a friend of a mate down the pub, who gets loads of benefits, has holidays nice cars and clothes, children have expensive hobbies, has absolutely nothing wrong with them, is also bullshit, designed to set people against those that are on benefits.

My husband was full time stay at home Dad, whilst I worked in a very good job, very secure and lots of career progression.

My husband became ill and it took a long time to find out the cause, He’d had MS for over ten years, then diagnosed with a terminal brain tumour.

I’ve been on PIP many years due to a workplace assault.
I get a works pension which is taxed.
i get carers allowance for my children and they get PIP and esa.

both myself and my son do many hours a week volunteering, it makes us feel valued and we focus on what we can do.

it’s depressing to think what we can’t do and what we’ve lost.

i much prefer our families attitude than the small, narrow minded minority of posters on here.

Her finances are absolutely none of your business. I really struggle to understand people who are jealous of those with disabilities because they can't work.

I'm with OP. Does this person even have MS? Long haul flights with kids is not something all that doable for someone with MS. It would wipe them out before the trip has begun. The estate I used to live on was full of people who discovered a disability after a lifetime on benefits. Those who know the system, play it well. It's just a fact. And I speak as a campaigner on disabled rights.

You really need to update your knowledge of MS, because you've just spouted absolute nonsense. With careful planning, of course it's possible to fly and to go on holiday with MS: there are wheelchairs, you can get assistance to and from the plane, accessible hotel rooms, friends (real ones) and carers to help out so you can rest when necessary, etc.

As a disability rights campaigner, surely you know that there are charities who offer disabled people assistance in planning holidays? Also, are you really questioning whether somebody who has been diagnosed with MS really has it? That's such a disgusting thing to say, shame on you.

I know plenty about MS thank you. I also know that not everyone who claims on social media to have a condition actually has it. No one on Mumsnet is party to their discussions with their doctor. OP says they were diagnosed recently but have never worked for the previous 20 years. Well why not? Prior to getting MS what was the excuse for not working?
Disabled people get shafted daily. Benefits are regularly messed about and withdrawn for no reason and the paperwork involved is massive. Accessible facilities are still patchy and frankly rubbish. And we are dealing with the predations of people claiming to be disabled who aren't..it happens more than you think

Regardless of what the person on the OP was doing for 20 years prior to her MS diagnosis, do you not think it is pretty shit for OP to offer up this person to be bashed and criticised... oh, and accused of faking MS too.
Who does that? What do they gain from it?

Wow & you’re a disability campaigner who clearly doesn’t know a lot about MS. Live one day in the shoes of someone who actually has it, in case your unaware MS is different for all sufferers & of course long haul flights are possible. You must also be aware, that in general, it takes years to get a diagnosis, 10 in my case and sometimes more in other cases. For your information, going forward, the government states that PIP practically has a zero fraudulent rating, unlike other Benefits that are easier to claim.

Who are you a disability campaigner for?

You clearly don't and furthermore you seem to be confusing the validity of her PIP claim with the validity of her diagnosis. MS is variable and unpredictable. It's also degenerative, people can experience symptoms for years before getting a diagnosis, a diagnosis which requires meeting very specific criteria - not that this woman's work history is any of your business.

People casting aspersions on the validity of others diagnoses and arrogantly trying to invalidate someone else's disability because they, in their ignorance, don't 'regognise' it, is exactly the reason we need to campaign for disability rights in the first place. On behalf the disabled, please feel to give up your 'campaigning' because yours is very definitely not the type of help we need.

It's utterly laughable you campaign for disabled rights, sprouting nonsense like this, which actively discriminates against the disabled. No one with a disability believes you. It would be akin to Nelson Madela joining a pro-apartheid group. So, I'm curious? Why do you pretend to be?

Good for her. I bet she'd swap her health for yours in a heat beat.

Everyone is different and MS affects people in different ways.
My parent has MS. They worked full time without claiming benefits for 30 years despite the condition affecting them daily. Blind in one eye and walked to work everyday as unable to drive. They often would have to stop part way on the walk.
Despite MS being one of the conditions mentioned in the Disability discrimination act,
when they did try to claim it was rejected twice even at appeal despite at this point there were times they were falling and more reliable on family members for care.
it took a Consultant neurologist letter together with a GP letter and a formal complaint about how the whole assessment process was handled before they received benefits so this post actually upsets me given we had to fight tooth and nail. We also had to fight for a blue badge.
It is now much more recognised and much more research is going into the condition.

I would switch off her posts so that you don’t see them. This is the downside of social media… curated snapshots of people’s lives.

Yes, the Child Maintenance Service (CMS) calculates child maintenance based on a paying parent's income, which is means-tested. The CMS considers the paying parent's gross income, other financial circumstances, and other factors to determine how much child maintenance to pay.

OP, comparison is the killer of all joy. Clearly you are negatively impacted by social media so you would feel a lot better if you were not on it. You would feel liberated if you came away from it and focussed on making the best life for yourself and your loved one’s.

Facebook is mainly used by people to show off only the best moments of their lives, but not often their struggles. It’s mainly fakery and pretence. The rest is fake news, propaganda and advertising. Not much on there for good and positive mental health.

I got seconds in when I realised it's one of 'those videos! You've obviously never had to apply for PIP. There's always someone going on about people scamming benefits, in particular disability benefits, as if its the easiest thing in the world to do! But they have no idea how damn difficult it is to actually get ANYTHING if you're GENUINE, never mind if you're scamming. The timy percentage that claim disability benefits that they aren't entitled to is nothing compared to the amount of money that politicians get out of the system for doing very little, except of course, to ignore what their constituents actually want them to do! Cut THEIR wages AND their expenses AND their little 'perks', and that would be a much better saving! And posts like this one, where someone has a truly debilitating condition, and is no doubt struggling immensely with normal day to day living whilst trying to keep life as normal as possible for their children, but because they dare to actually try and give their kids a decent life whilst they are able to, they're vilified for it. I'd guarantee that 99% of people with a debilitating condition would happily swap that condition, AND any extra money that they had to grovel on their knees to get, with any able bodied working whinger! This post, and this video, has made me so damn mad!