I probably am being unreasonable but i need to vent.....

[smileitlightsupyourface]

I have an "friend" who is on benefits. She receives universal credit, PIP ( for MS) and has a car on the motability scheme. I know she has MS and has bad days but she lives a very active life...goes to the gym regularly, goes on active days out with the children each week and has a very active social life. This friend has literally never ever worked a job. She had kids young and has always been on benefits. Her dc have expensive hobbies such as horse riding and golf and are also season ticket holders at a premiership football club. She has none of the dc fathers on the scene and her family don't have much to do with them. She is constantly posting pictures on social media of her dc doing their hobbies and expensive days out. They are currently on a very expensive long haul holiday for half term. Its really starting to grate on me that she doesn't work and never has but lives this type of lifestyle while i work full time and as well as being constantly knackered i would struggle to afford her lifestyle. I know im being unreasonable but she seems very tone deaf when posting all this stuff on social media when so many are struggling to pay bills. I really don't want to be bitter but its winding me up!

MS is a progressive disease - the outcomes vary but in the worst case scenarios your friend might go blind or be fully wheelchair dependent. She is probably trying to enjoy her life while she can, and I don't blame her.

The neurodegenerative conditions are such fun fun fun, you can 'look normal' for sure but as I said upthread you're damned if you do, damned if you don't. I 'look normal' except for a bit of a limp, I'm very good at pushing along with everything. I've lost friends because of this because they can't fathom that I can pop to a shop but then can't get in due to the step. A fun one - sometimes in the middle of
speaking half my face just randomly stops working. Yes it's just a bag of fun that one, I've been called pissed, laughed at etc.
I can't always join a meal out because my swallow doesn't always work. But hey I wear my makeup, I try to keep going, I look like I'm having fun. Reality, I'm in near constant pain, I'm fucking knackered, I'm terrified. I'm fucking terrified.

Virtual hugs if wanted.

I hear very similar from my friend with MS. I have another chronic illness, so I understand to some extent. These illnesses are cruel.

Thank you, I know I sound a bit moany but I can't talk to anyone about it in real life. I do get on with it. Thanks for the virtual hug (weak one back at you) 😀😊

You feel this resentful because your envious.

Make no mistake, you are not just venting, if you don't like seeing her updates, then don't fkin stalk her. Butt out of her life, don't listen when others talk about her, it's that simple.

Or choose to join in and be just as hateful, because they are all horrible people too, just because they are "all" doing it, doesn't make it right.

What you said didn’t come across as moany to me. Not in the slightest.

This can't be real, you have to be a troll. The woman has MS. It's literally a terminal illness. It can be well controlled for many years with drug therapy, but as it stands currently those drugs will stop working at some point and she will end up dying of the disease, probably earlier than she should have done. And yes, I know a lot about this as my MIL has MS.

So yes, YABU. And are a really horrible person. Hope that helps.

So someone with a life limiting illness is a slacking grifter? What an appalling comment.

PIP is not a work related benefit. Ignorance from you again.

You can't debate with people like that.

I honestly can't believe people like this OP exist. I have multiple disabilities and get the enhanced rate of PIP for both elements. I have to have a Motability car because I'm a wheelchair user, so that takes away £450 a month of my PIP. It leaves me with £400 a month. That money should be spent on my disabilities. A mere £400 that doesn't even cover weekly physio or therapy. I can't spend it on what it's supposed to be for, because I only get £100 a month UC.

No housing element, no reductions in anything. That's it. That's all I get. £500 a month benefits. That covers half my rent and half the electric bull. Nothing else. Your "friend" will be having help from elsewhere.

It breaks my heart to think of that poor woman being judged by someone she believes to be a friend, as well as random school mums. My sister had MS, and looked healthy, but if you saw her in her own home, crying because she'd lost control of her bladder again, not being able to clean herself because her leg wasn't working, wanting to die, then maybe you'd change your mind.

Though I doubt it.

@smileitlightsupyourface And there's a further alternative to the above options OP: you could take on board what the overwhelming majority on here are telling you (in particular, the very personal stories of the reality of living with disabilities) and join in the bitches' conversations explaining to them how ignorant they are and how much you've learned about the subject recently (assuming you've learned anything at all, of course).
I still can't get my head around the premise of this thread - slagging off a disabled person - honestly, you can't get much lower than that OP.

Very similar here. One day (sometimes one hour) at the time... and you didn't moan at all.

You do realise your mouth is for talking out of and your arse is for farting out of, right? Because you seem to have it back to front...

It hasn't stopped the odd ignorant poster joining in. Some people are just so keen to benefit bash they show how misinformed and lacking in empathy they are. They pop up on all sorts of threads to spew the same bile.

You sound extremely ignorant and nasty. Do you know much about MS?

Someone with Multiple Sclerosis is a slacking grifter?

Just, wow. How do you sleep at night, knowing what a disgusting, appalling person you are?

And Mumsnet - why is hate speech about other protected characteristics removed, but disabled people, covered under the same law, are fair game?

It's a dreadful comment. Unsurprising, sadly.

Mind you I haven't reported it. People like her need to be seen for what they are.

I reported it, but, and here's a surprise... It's still there.

You're right, though. It lets people see who they really are.

I have to say this thread has been awesome for me so thank you OP for your sheer ignorance and lack of awareness.

I live day to day with worry about judgement because of my rare good days, in case I come across too healthy and happen to enjoy myself so much that someone narrow minded like yourself would judge me.

Unfortunately in the past ive been ridiculed by family for having to use a wheelchair and also talked about for days where I felt strong enough to try without it. I feel judged when I'm well enough to venture out on a day out, judged by people for having to use the benefits system. I stress on my bad days because all I want is to consistently be well enough to work, to do anything, to feel like I can contribute and not feel so useless. I feel bad for having good days, like I'm a fraud, but lately they have been so few and far between.

But this thread has shown me for every misinformed, judgey, bitchy person, there are 10s who understand, who won't judge and they do get it. I think those who understand dont voice it and so all we hear is the nasty or ill informed voices, online, in person and mostly in the media. So it's so easy to get down on yourself for being ill, even though none of us would choose this. But I really do appreciate hearing how many do get it, so thank you.

Next time I feel judged, I will remember all those who do get it and remember that, at least on mumsnet, these people were in the minority.

Seriously @smileitlightsupyourface what the fuck is WRONG with you?

Jealous of a single parent with MS?

Look at yourself.

I am entitled to my opinion I was responding to the op. She has had ms 2 years been on benefits for 23 years. I know plenty of people milking the system so keep your ffs to yourself.

You were being harsh though, you’ve no idea why this woman was on benefits since 16,you’re just making assumptions like the op due to jelousy. You ve no idea if it’s true, her personal cricumstances, anything, you’ve just seen benefits and holidays and jumped.

She will have MS symptoms long before she was actually diagnosed. And OP didn't say why her friend has been on benefits before then. But you just assume she is "milking the system" despite knowing nothing about this lady.