I probably am being unreasonable but i need to vent.....

[smileitlightsupyourface]

I have an "friend" who is on benefits. She receives universal credit, PIP ( for MS) and has a car on the motability scheme. I know she has MS and has bad days but she lives a very active life...goes to the gym regularly, goes on active days out with the children each week and has a very active social life. This friend has literally never ever worked a job. She had kids young and has always been on benefits. Her dc have expensive hobbies such as horse riding and golf and are also season ticket holders at a premiership football club. She has none of the dc fathers on the scene and her family don't have much to do with them. She is constantly posting pictures on social media of her dc doing their hobbies and expensive days out. They are currently on a very expensive long haul holiday for half term. Its really starting to grate on me that she doesn't work and never has but lives this type of lifestyle while i work full time and as well as being constantly knackered i would struggle to afford her lifestyle. I know im being unreasonable but she seems very tone deaf when posting all this stuff on social media when so many are struggling to pay bills. I really don't want to be bitter but its winding me up!

With friends like you who needs enemies!

There’s a mum influencer on Instagram and TikTok.
She’s on benefits and PIP.
4 kids multiple fathers
Driving around in a Range Rover and then going on about her healthy start vouchers.

You can tell when it’s benefits day and the shopping hauls are all over her pages. She spent £2k on a media wall recently and lives a life of shopping and holidays, Turkey teeth etc and then out comes the anxiety excuse and how lonely she is when she’s clearly spent all her benefits for the month.

We have another one who displays ignorance about the diagnosis pathway of life limiting illness. You know plenty of people milking the system? Of course you do. 🙄

@Pessismistic "I know plenty of people milking the system ...". How do you know they're milking the system? Have they told you they are (in which case you need to mix with better people) or, just like OP, are you making assumptions from the way they appear to be without actually knowing what their lives are like 24/7?

Another one the likes of whom you can't debate with. Referring to @Pessismistic of course.

Yanbu - it's very puzzling to see someone living such a lavish lifestyle without having worked for it at all.

Is there some kind of scam going on, or lottery win, or inheritance?

I wouldn't want MS for the world tho, so if this was a friend I'd probably just be glad for them they're getting some joy out of life before it's too late. Maybe that explains things, but I'm still puzzled how there can be such a big differential between some people on benefits who are genuinely poor and others living the high life. How?

I have a friend with MS he has a motability car and goes to the gym in it daily. He is desperate to strengthen his muscles as much as he can in an attempt to delay the inevitable. Please don’t judge people with MS whether they’ve worked or not.

My mum had just died of MS. my aunty is in a care home with it and my daughter also has it.
It's a progressive, disabling terrible disease. If you hear other people slating this woman you need to send them to me.
Unbelievable that people are jealous of a disease that used to be called creeping paralysis.

She's an influencer so clearly has another income stream.

I said people milk the system which they do.

Nobody except my husband knows that I receive PIP for exactly the reasons illustrated by your post.

I have chronic multiple autoimmune conditions which cause significant pain and mobility issues. It's hard work doing even really easy things.

But here is the thing. On the really bad days, you simply won't see me. My husband will say, "oh, she's sick" and I stay home confined to bed or needing help for the smallest tasks. I certainly don't share it on social media. People probably think I'm flaky because I appear to often be staying home apparently slightly unwell.

So what people actually see is me on my best days. They don't see my Dr reports, blood tests, weekly injections, multiple daily medications, infusions at the hospital... I share none of this because it's fucking boring and it's not the badge I want people to know me by.

So, because I don't share my illness, I also don't share my PIP eligibility because I would be terrified of being judged for looking healthy or happy at any given time....

She's a single mum with MS. Have you considered the latter might be why she can't work? I would far rather be employed than have a serious chronic illness but you do you.

I do know that they do. Yes they have said they won’t work because it’s great getting free money in the bank then have a few holidays a year kids have all technology available and nice clothes. Your taking this post rather personal I told op I get her frustration which I do this is not about the ms lady. It’s about people who don’t want to work.

This! Grow up and stop being so self pitying! You set the bar low if you’re jealous of someone with a disability! MS gets progressively worse, and the people I’ve known who have it, have ended up wheelchair bound before they got ‘old’ having to rely on their family for everything before the age of 50.

It says more about you and your ‘friendship’ if you’re jealous of her. I hope she has other, better friends.

Who’s debating I’m put my opinion on here that’s it.

I can see why you are annoyed that when she was well for 20 years, she was on benefits. Its so frustrating for those of us that work, especially those of us with health conditions that we have to manage alongside working.

Oh no. You won't be interested in debating.

Some people can manage their health conditions alongside work and some people can't. And again, PIP is not an out of work benefit.

So you need to mix with better people then, rather than fraudsters. And I'm not taking it personally because, thankfully, I'm not disabled, but I've helped people claim disability benefits and understand the stigma they can feel - which you've added to on this thread with an anecdote of able-bodied, work-shy people when this thread is about criticising a disabled woman. Treating everyone on benefits as a homogenous group is ignorant and unfair.

Indeed, and some can't. But it sounds like the OP's friend was well for about 20 years, and people who work have been funding that. We are flat broke in this country, we need to get more people off benefits and into work.

Having MS is grim. I’m retired and get a good pension but am also in receipt of PIP; believe me it’s not easy to get. On the surface & on SM I probably look like im fine, but in reality every day is a mental struggle & I want to give up. But I don’t, because I took the decision to make the most of every day so I go out when I can and travel as much as possible. I am fortunate enough to have supportive friends to help me around. Never judge a disabled person, as you don’t know the invisible symptoms they are dealing with.

Do yourself a favor and unfollow her already.

You do. The PIP, mostly goes towards the car.

She was raising children alone. Maybe we should lay the blame more towards men who get women pregnant and then fuck off without a care in the world.

This is so blatantly untrue.