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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I probably am being unreasonable but i need to vent.....

336 replies

smileitlightsupyourface · 17/02/2025 21:05

I have an "friend" who is on benefits. She receives universal credit, PIP ( for MS) and has a car on the motability scheme. I know she has MS and has bad days but she lives a very active life...goes to the gym regularly, goes on active days out with the children each week and has a very active social life. This friend has literally never ever worked a job. She had kids young and has always been on benefits. Her dc have expensive hobbies such as horse riding and golf and are also season ticket holders at a premiership football club. She has none of the dc fathers on the scene and her family don't have much to do with them. She is constantly posting pictures on social media of her dc doing their hobbies and expensive days out. They are currently on a very expensive long haul holiday for half term. Its really starting to grate on me that she doesn't work and never has but lives this type of lifestyle while i work full time and as well as being constantly knackered i would struggle to afford her lifestyle. I know im being unreasonable but she seems very tone deaf when posting all this stuff on social media when so many are struggling to pay bills. I really don't want to be bitter but its winding me up!

OP posts:
Ablondiebutagoody · 17/02/2025 21:07

Mute the notifications

Deljay · 17/02/2025 21:08

Get off social media. It makes you unhappy.

ilovesooty · 17/02/2025 21:08

Well it's a good thing you put "friend" in inverted commas.
I don't suppose you'd be keen to swap lives and take on her disability.

farmlife2 · 17/02/2025 21:10

She's probably finding the joy where she can, among the struggles she has. I'm willing to bet she'd swap your health for her 'lifestyle'. Would you feel better if she posted all the times between she has to rest, nap and struggle because she used all her energy trying to give her kids some kind of normal?

LittleGreenDragons · 17/02/2025 21:11

She has none of the dc fathers on the scene

So how much maintenance is she getting? It's not mean tested btw.

BeMoreAmandaland · 17/02/2025 21:12

You only see one side of her life, the curated side. Even as her friend. Living with a serious disability is hard work and most of us hide to what extent we're affected, for a variety of reasons (boredom, denial, trying to keep positive, fear of being unsupported, confidentiality...).

She may be trying to give her children the best childhood she can while she can, making memories while she's still able to. You also dont know if she uses credit cards to fund her lifestyle.

I understand the envy, we all feel it at times, but keep in mind that MS isn't easy to live.

TitusMoan · 17/02/2025 21:12

What’s her life like when her MS is not in remission? Is it definitely MS, as in multiple sclerosis, and not ME ? (Don’t go for me, ME sufferers). Will the MS get progressively worse? How would she have got PIP without the medical evidence?

Quitelikeit · 17/02/2025 21:15

Doubt she could afford all that on benefits alone or maybe she is just really savvy with her spending

I thought you lost a big chunk of money if you got a car anyway?

SometimesCalmPerson · 17/02/2025 21:16

Do you know anything about MS?

LittleRedRidingHoody · 17/02/2025 21:17

Have we not had this same thread, right down to the MS, recently? 👀

FWIW a family member is disabled and on benefits with children, and we chip in where we can for activities/holidays. It may well be a well-off family member funding these things. You'd struggle to afford all that on UC!

myplace · 17/02/2025 21:18

If she has MS, then she’s making the most of her healthy years.

AsparagusGirl · 17/02/2025 21:20

Yeah you're being unreasonable, don't compare yourself or if you do, think of how lucky you are to have your health and not currently have a degenerative disease. Take a leaf out of your "friend"s book and try to enjoy life while you can as your health isn't guaranteed forever. Be kind.

SergeantDawkins · 17/02/2025 21:20

Good grief are we really jealous of a single mum with MS?
If you think her life is so good leave your OH and quit your job I guess?

letslaughitoff · 17/02/2025 21:22

This is why i dont tell anyone that i get pip or how much no one knows and im keeping it that way.
On face view im like everyone else but guess what op not everyone knows me or what i have to live with every day.

IKnowAristotle · 17/02/2025 21:23

You are jealous of someone with MS and you think she is tone deaf?!

JaceLancs · 17/02/2025 21:23

Enhanced rate PIP for daily living is just over £5k a year, all the PIP mobility will fund the motability scheme vehicle and may have to be topped up depending on vehicle
If this person can fund expensive hobbies, season tickets and long haul holidays on £5k extra a year above UC rates then they are better at sourcing good deals than most of us
If this person actually exists then despite being absent they must be getting great child maintenance and/or have an additional income you don’t know about
Only fans? Online poker?
I am so fed up with the endless benefit threads on here recently

cryinglaughing · 17/02/2025 21:23

Unfriend her, then you won't have to see her profligacy.

ARichtGoodDram · 17/02/2025 21:24

You're not her friend.

My DDs social media contains her good days. She doesn't post the days she spends crying in pain. Or the ones where she sleeps all day. Or the ones where she falls 20 times a day.

Thankfully her friends are actually friends and don't judge her for that

ToKittyornottoKitty · 17/02/2025 21:24

Would you rather swap with her and have MS? Or would you rather she had MS and no life enjoyment even in her healthy years?

MuddyPawsIndoors · 17/02/2025 21:25

Block her then.

You're not stupid, so why haven't you?

AcquadiP · 17/02/2025 21:27

No amount of benefits is going to buy her good health and MS is an awful disease to be living with. Perhaps she's over compensating by creating as many good times as she can for her family whilst she is able to. I'd cut her some slack; and you don't have to read her SM posts.

Genevieva · 17/02/2025 21:28

This popped up for me today. I’m only just over 20 minutes in, but it’s a really thoughtful look at the issue of PIP.

s

smileitlightsupyourface · 17/02/2025 21:30

LittleGreenDragons · 17/02/2025 21:11

She has none of the dc fathers on the scene

So how much maintenance is she getting? It's not mean tested btw.

I honestly don't know how much she gets in maintenance but knowing the types of men that are the dc dads I really don't think it can be much tbh.

OP posts:
girlsyearapart · 17/02/2025 21:30

Having MS is not fun. HTH

Izzy24 · 17/02/2025 21:30

Quitelikeit · 17/02/2025 21:15

Doubt she could afford all that on benefits alone or maybe she is just really savvy with her spending

I thought you lost a big chunk of money if you got a car anyway?

She absolutely couldn’t afford all that on benefits. Not a chance.