I probably am being unreasonable but i need to vent.....

[smileitlightsupyourface]

I have an "friend" who is on benefits. She receives universal credit, PIP ( for MS) and has a car on the motability scheme. I know she has MS and has bad days but she lives a very active life...goes to the gym regularly, goes on active days out with the children each week and has a very active social life. This friend has literally never ever worked a job. She had kids young and has always been on benefits. Her dc have expensive hobbies such as horse riding and golf and are also season ticket holders at a premiership football club. She has none of the dc fathers on the scene and her family don't have much to do with them. She is constantly posting pictures on social media of her dc doing their hobbies and expensive days out. They are currently on a very expensive long haul holiday for half term. Its really starting to grate on me that she doesn't work and never has but lives this type of lifestyle while i work full time and as well as being constantly knackered i would struggle to afford her lifestyle. I know im being unreasonable but she seems very tone deaf when posting all this stuff on social media when so many are struggling to pay bills. I really don't want to be bitter but its winding me up!

I think you need to stop focusing on her curated social media portrayal of her life and focus on your own life. What are you not happy with, what are your options? Can you re train and find a better job, do you just need to prioritise more exercise and outdoor time for your family, etc.

2, 5, 15. The numbers still don’t stack up. It’s bollocks

Your disabalist and nasty

If the government stopped supporting disabled people with benefits you would still be no better off they don't even know who you are they don't care all they care about is making you crap on people worse off than you and causing a divide

Crikey OP, she has MS. Be grateful you don’t have a chronic disease. Here is a sampling of what she is dealing with (from the NHS)

There are lots of possible symptoms of multiple sclerosis (MS). Everyone with the condition is affected differently.
Some of the most common symptoms include:

• feeling extremely tired (fatigue)
• problems with your eyes or your vision, such as blurred vision or eye pain
• numbness or a tingling feeling in different parts of the body
• feeling off balance, dizzy or clumsy (uncoordinated)
• muscle cramps, spasms and stiffness
• needing to pee more often or not being able to control when you pee
• problems with memory or concentration
• sexual problems, including a dry vagina or erection problems

Symptoms may come (called "flare-ups" or "relapses") and go (called "remissions"), and may get worse over time.

She’s living the best she can between flare ups.

Please don't be jealous of her. Lots of people post on social media and look like they are having a great time when in reality they are not. Do you know much about MS? I do. Most likely by the time she is 40 she will be falling over a lot and people will judge her, assuming she is drunk. She will increasingly need more and more care until she dies. Her dc may become young carers. She will probably attend her dc weddings in a wheelchair. She won't be able to be an active grandparent, she may not even be able to hold her first grandchild. She will probably die before she is 70. No amount of expensive hobbies are going to make up for her children not having their mum around when they are adults. And don't forget their mum is already the only present parent they have.

I'm really sorry you're living with this, but pleased to hear you're doing all you can to stay healthier longer and you have great support from your DC. You paint a very clear picture of what living with a disability (specifically, MS) is like and I think one of the things that people on the outside looking in don't appreciate is the pain, which can be exhausting. I honestly don't understand anyone resenting a disabled person receiving welfare benefits and I hope this isn't your experience within your own social circle. Stay well. 🤗

Perhaps if we all pretend we can't hear, it might go away...

Yanbu op.

When I got cancer and then had a stroke, I was absolutely delighted, a life on disability benefits is amazing, sometimes I just light (expensive) candles with £20 notes because I don't know what to do with all this money.

Perhaps you could ask to swap her MS so you can really tell what her good days are like?
I have enhanced rates of PIP due to CP
Fancy a walk in my shoes?

It’s either-

1. maintenance from the dads
2. debt on credit cards
3. an income stream you don’t know about - inheritance, some sort of win, some sort of non- employed work

that’s paying for this.

It’s not going to be benefits.

Also, it’s very weird and lacking in imagination to be jealous of a single Mum with a disability - I’m sure you don’t want to swap! Or wouldn’t if you knew what MS is like.

You just randomly heard these bitchy comments and weren’t enthusiastically joining in? Sure.

you are so jealous of this woman, it’s become like an obsession to you, so I’m guessing she isn’t the first woman you’ve been jealous of.

so this is about you,

Folk have tried that. But these types of posts keep on coming in waves of vomit. Probs could claim PIP for that eh, live the high life.

Yeah I’m sure her nice holidays make up for her having MS 🙄

That you are envious of this woman says nothing good about you.

In all honesty, I doubt she can afford all that on benefits and PIP. She might have a cash in hand job somewhere or spending on her credit card.

She probably doesn't have a pension and MS can be a life-limiting disease. Long haul holidays may have been saved for and she may only have had one in the last five years.

But you don't know her life and her struggle. Maybe she's a prolific author or copywriter. Maybe she makes beautiful art or music. Maybe she is a money-grubbing benefit scrounger. They do exist. But they are very few and far between and we pay more in research subsidies and tax breaks to commercial companies than we do to those who take advantage of the benefits system.

It's the price we pay to support our community as a whole because otherwise there would be no support for anyone.

I remember the Labour Party's original statement, From each according to their ability. To each according to their needs.

I bet she'd be really happy to know everyone is having a bitch about her behind her back! And as her "friend" just because everyone else is saying it about her, makes it ok for you to join in too?
I'd say let her get on with it and let her find some actual friends, who have a bit of sympathy not misplaced jealousy!

YABVVU you are not her friend. Friends don't post about them on MN and offer them up for benefit bashing.
She also wont be affording her lifestyle on benefits.... she probably gets maintenance for her children.
She can also post what she wants on her social media. You are free to unfollow it all. Social media is a great way of storing memories. One day, her days out etc will be just that... memories.

What is your motive here?

benefits since leaving school at 16 ( she is now 39). She has never worked through choice not because of her disability

Chances are you don't know all the reasons why she was benefits since 16, you did after all, say she was a friend in quotation marks...

MS also takes years to diagnose but in the meantime, sufferers will be living with debilitating symptoms.

So a whole group of women are being spiteful about a disabled woman then? Lovely. This isn't a case of "safety in numbers" OP.

Agree. We aren’t the bitchy mums.

wrong audience op for you to try to carry on the bitchfest.

Exactly THIS! 👆 The sheer ignorance around welfare benefits and the judgmental remarks people make on the back of that ignorance is very tiresome.

The child maintenance is not means tested,but wouldn't the amount she gets impact on any means tested benefits that she does get? That was how it worked when I was receiving child maintenance back in the early to late 90s. My DD's dad gave my £120 a month,but that was deducted from my Income Support. Don't know if it still works that way.

No, CM has no impact on means tested benefits.

Imagine her with a crown on and pretend she brings in the tourists?

@TitusMoan I’m an ME sufferer (I’m not coming for you, honest!) but I just wanted to put out there that ME is an awful debilitating disease in itself. It’s highly unlikely that someone with ME would be doing all that the OP states this person is doing.

Some studies have shown that the fatigue associated with ME, can be more debilitating than the fatigue associated with other serious diseases such as cancer and MS.

I know you meant no harm with your post, I just wanted to mention this as ME is often stigmatised as being a little bit tired.