Resenting being left to look after all the kids while they go running

[FoxesFM]

DH and I have 3 couple friends (well my brother/his DW, her brother/his DW and another couple). We all live pretty close to each other, have kids of similar ages and get along well. Of the group, 6 of them are keen fell/trail runners, DH is one of them, I am not and actually hate it. Since mid-last year it's become a bit of thing where the 6 who like running go out on a Sunday afternoon 1/2 times a month and myself and the other friend who doesn't like running stay back with all the kids. There are 9 kids total (7, 7, 7, 5, 5, 5, 4, 3, 3), my brother has a massive house with a large playroom and a sunroom which the kids can run around in, plus massive gardens with tennis court/tree house etc, so we all gather here, even though both brother and his wife go running. Me and my friend are then left with all the kids for anything between 3 and 6 hours (counting for driving to start point, run time and drive back, plus conditions in the winter are slowing them down, especially when they go for the fell running option and end up on icy, windy ridges). When they get back we take all the kids to the pub for dinner, but this can be as late as 6pm on a Sunday!

For a while I didn't mind it, the kids get on well and sort of split into groups and entertain each other, but it is hardly stress free. It has got to the point where I somewhat resent it, the other mum I am with doesn't seem to mind as much and I am happy to do it sometimes, maybe once a month and I'd do it every fortnight if i was at home with my kids while DH was out but being in someone else's house with 9 kids makes it very intense.

I'm often tempted to say I can't do it anymore but i'd feel awful leaving the other mum with 7 kids to look after alone and since they started going together as a group DH has seen a massive improvement in both his health and mental health (he used to get quite depressed), so I don't want to stop him doing this and he does take the kids out on other weekends and the other friends do help us with childcare often.

AIBU to resent this? Should I bring it up or keep going since they do us favours and this is DHs only real hobby?

What you do voluntarily twice becomes your job forever at home and in the workplace (particularly schools!)

Having read all your updates, on balance, I think I'd just do it (but reasonable to ask them to stick to trails and set a time limit). It's good for your DH's mental health, your kids enjoy it, there is a balance of favours in return and you get every alternating Sunday afternoon to do what you want to do. It sounds like a great arrangement and you're really fortunate to have a village that is so close and helpful. I think many would envy that.

Based on this I don’t think it’s a lot to ask of you to take care of the children for 1-2 afternoons a month.
if you find it really challenging, then of course you have every right to say no thank you and stop doing this.
but in that case, in your shoes, I would also be declining any future support from your brother and his wife as it would feel too one sided and I wouldn’t want to owe them quite so much

So you and your DH get to go out for a meal child free once a week? It's a good arrangement for you two then. Particularly for him as he benefits from the running too, and 'only' has to look after his own kids solo.

Please do get your DH to say to the group they need to shorten the duration. 10-4 is practically the full day, it seems the group is a little bit too relaxed with their pre-planning and organisation because they feel they don't have to be. Having a hobby is great, but taking up more or less the entire day twice a month is a bit selfish- reciprocal agreements not withstanding.

I wouldnt Like it. That’s a lot of kids to be feeding and supervising while they’re all doing what they like.

And once a month, not twice.

The only thing that sounds like hell is 6pm dinner at a pub on Sunday /school night with a 3yr

What does friend get in return ? She’s the hard done by one

Sounds good to me. Those Sundays are a bit of a chore but there are many compensations.

I think, given your Dh gives you the space/time off from looking after the dc, plus your db takes your kids for the weekend and his dw picks up your dc from school, I’d suck it up, BUT I’d ask for shorter afternoons in the winter.

I understand you being overwhelmed and grumpy and a bit fed up with it sometimes, but I’m so jealous of your set up. You sound like a great group of people and lucky to have eachother.

Hello everyone, just so you are aware this thread was started by a previously banned poster who, needless to say, we have banned. But given it has gained momentum we are going to let it run for now.
MNHQ

@PipMumsnet ah that is interesting...

so I totally suspected you keep up troll threads for traffic 'momentum' (otherwise, let's face it, there would be dustballs around here...), but to have it confirmed is - well, I'm not sure whether to admire your chutzpah or be a bit 🤔.

This is a genuine question btw - how do you feel about people giving of their time/experiences/good faith to a spurious request?

Do MN take the view, caveat emptor, or is there a part of you that thinks, they're being tricked so it's probably 'not fair'?

Well said @chollysawcutt

My troll radar was not alerted at all

I agree @chollysawcutt .

@PipMumsnet what is the reasoning behind leaving this up? Sometimes when it’s a fully troll I’d get it as people are having a laugh, but this one has just taken peoples time and effort and made some almost a little sad. But it’s got clicks so that’s fine with you? I do wonder if it’s mumsnet who kicks off the goady threads on quiet days just to get traffic.

@PipMumsnet
WTAF.
if it was a common issue that might benefit others I could almost understand that.
But leave it running cos... Clicks.
That's just making a mockery of everyone.

In fact I think I'm done.
Off to block the site. Bye.

It's not something that would tickle and delight me either, but for one or two times a month, I would grin and bear it. It doesn't seem like there's any 'taking advantage', and you seem to get some assistance also, added to the fact, your husband seems to be a pretty decent guy. In all, the relationships seem to be rather pleasant. But the thing that would clinch it for me would be how much my son enjoyed it. That would be all the incentive I needed.

It's not 3-6 a week. It's 1-2 times a month. Don't exaggerate to make your point. The person you're responding to is absolutely right and OP needs to quit whining. She has it good.

I don't think you're being unreasonable, but I do think you have a problem to solve. It sounds like you feel that this arrangement is fair and generally works, it's just not enjoyable. What would make it enjoyable? An earlier start, so you can have an earlier Sunday dinner? A more structured activity for the kids (perhaps provides by the families with both parents running) to help minimize the chaos? Rotating locations, so you're not always having to be out of your own home? An activity you can bring with you that you enjoy, to keep busy when the kids are playing independently? Clearer expectations around the kids so they're not so overwhelming? It would help if you took some time to really narrow down why you're no longer enjoying it, and then solving for that.

This is a troll thread, OP isn’t real so it’s not worth wasting your time on.

To have read my input, obviously, you are wasting your time on it, but thank you anyway.

Oddly snippy reply. It popped back up on my
active thread so I was politely giving you the heads up. But whatever 👍

I'm sorry. I had read after my response that it was a troll, but regardless, such situations do occur, so the comments may be worth something to someone anyway.

To be honest, I rarely believe half of what I read anyway, and know that there's always another side to the story, but it makes for a sometimes interesting way to pass the time.

2 couples are totally leaving their kids - they should take it in turns between the 4 of them to stay with you - 3 adults might feel less strsssful