Would you let your kids give up on some of their GCSEs?

[ElsaLing]

DS (15) has GCSE mocks coming up. He's really struggling in one of his optional subjects, so DH and I basically said he could let that one slide to focus on his other subjects. A few weeks ago he decided to essentially give up on one of his other options as well, and today he told me he's also not going to revise for a third option because he's better off spending his time on more important subjects. And he means for the actual GCSE exams, not just the mocks.

Even if he fails those three subjects, he should still be able to get the marks he needs to do the A Levels he's chosen. DH has no problem with DSs plan to prepare to fail all 3 subjects because none are essential and none are required for the next step of his education (he only needs 5 5s to do A Levels). I want DS to try to pass at least one of these subjects (and would prefer he not give up on any, but prepared to be pragmatic). It's particularly frustrating as he's predicted a 6/7 in at least one of the subjects he wants to give up.

There's no SEN, no MH issues, doesn't seem stressed/overwhelmed.

So, I'm wondering, how relaxed would you be if your DC wanted to basically give up on 3 of their GCSEs?

YABU: It's no big deal, as long as they pass the basics it's fine!
YANBU: I would not 'allow' my teen to prepare to fail 3 GCSE subjects (I appreciate 'allow' is a relative term with teens!)

Why does it matter what GCSEs a person has if they have a degree?

How does having fewer GCSEs show an employer that the applicant has a bad attitude to work?

I'm quite surprised to read some of the attitudes on this thread. If my child came to me and asked to drop certain GCSEs I'd be concerned about them. It's a huge thing to admit that you're struggling. I'd either get them additional help of help them drop the courses.

I certainly wouldn't show them this thread which is basically saying their future prospects are shot if they don't just get on with it,

For any parents on this thread with a child who struggles with exams, who doesn't find the whole process easy and is worrying about the future, don't! There are colleges and employers out there that offer a nurturing environment where people of all abilities thrive.

How is it unofficial? When a pupil applies to uni the only qualifications they actually have are their GCSEs. Yea, they have predicted A level grades but they are not in the bag.
So of course they will look at how a pupil performs at GCSE and in an oversubscribed course they will take that into account - an applicant with 9 or 10 passes will show commitment and ability over one with 6. Unis don’t want to give places to those who don’t have the staying power and ability to last the course.

Fortunately, I can't see him doing anything blatantly disrespectful, but definitely something to look out for!

It’s good he won’t - but groups of students in classes who have “given up” massively affect the whole class, especially in the final run up to exams. It’s very difficult, as a teacher, to keep motivation levels as high as they need to be when some students are saying “My mum/dad have told me not to worry about this subject”

Not your issue, but something to consider.

@ElsaLing I echo what @Notgoodatpoetrybutgreatatlit said in their post. I teach a subject at the moment that is an 'option' and now the really gritty proper work is due a couple of students are pushing back and disrupting my lessons (and they get two doubles)
Being disengaged does cause issues and we wouldn't have the space to allow students to study by themselves or unsupervised.
I just remind them this is an option they picked and that they are so so close to getting a grade. All grades count to next steps and they will regret giving up eight weeks before they finish. They have the rest of their lives to do other things.
Anyway I do see both perspectives :)

Thank you for the responses, I've read all of them and it has been great to have so may perspectives.

To respond to a few things that have come up:

• We have not contacted the school about officially dropping any subjects
• He still does all his homework and attends all lessons. He wants to stop revising for these subjects, not drop them entirely.
• Yes, he is capable, just a bit lazy
• He definitely only needs 5 5s for the sixth form he wants to go to. I think finding this out was the beginning of the end of his motivation for the less-favoured subjects. BUT, I've just discovered that his second choice school requires passes in at least 7 subjects, which might help his motivation (in case something goes awry in one of the 7 he cares about).

This post is really important, OP. Don’t listen to the posters saying “it doesn’t matter later in life” - doing 10 GCSEs is now a minimum expectation to compete with your cohort. For a non-SEN child it is perfectly doable. Fair enough to focus more revision time on subjects you are taking to A level, but just to give up the others because it’s hard work? Nope. It’s lazy and it may well have an impact on future prospects.

The school may not agree to disapplication so it’s not just a case of your son dropping them. If there’s no MH issues, no SEN but just that he is disinterested, I would say that it is unlikely they’ll agree.

I guess I see it a bit differently and maybe it’s because I’m only as far as heat 6 sats, but we are already preparing for my son to fail his English.
He simply hasn’t learnt/understood anything since year 3, because of a teacher personality clash and it became obvious he has autism (now diagnosed). His teachers are not good with autistic learners and refuse to teach in the way he learns. So there is little else for us to do, but allow him to fail, which will hopefully get offstead looking at the school.
In the future if he looks like this again, we may employ a private tutor but if he’s truly struggling, then it’s entirely his choice to drop/prepare to fail a subject if he feels the need to.
I am here to facilitate his future, not dictate his life. And I know with my son his future is not in academia, many of the jobs he is likely to get don’t give a fart about exam results and more than likely he will follow in his dads footsteps and end up working for the same company as DH.
Which, as long as he is happy, is fine by me.

We have already told dd not to bother with german. The school forces children to learn it and it's completely pointless and effort is better focused on other subjects. I wish my parents had done the same. So one subject on the basis they were under no circumstances to disrupt the class I wouldn't be bothered about. Dropping 3 you have to be really sure on performance for the rest. If you and ds are confident go for it.

Our dc’s state grammar schools allowed subjects to be dropped at student or parent request

Toffee an applicant will really struggle in life without at very least a pass in maths and English. Even for non academic routes they must pass maths and English.

That may be the minimum requirement but places may still be limited by over subscription at which point he might lose out

Would getting a tutor who engages well with your son help? It might just help boost his self confidence.

I agree that a poor teacher can be make or break.

Speak to the school
You don’t really want him to “fail” any
Mine was in the same situation and was really struggling
They let her drop from 10 to 7 and didn’t enter her for the 3 she was dropping (they don’t want it to show as failures for them either so it works both ways!)
Mine had to still attend the lessons (logistics) but could quietly study another subject instead during that time
it made a huge difference to her and she passed the ones she did and is now doing A levels
Would definitely recommend it
However, if they were subjects she was likely to get a 5 in, with minimum revision, I would have probably thought differently

You are closing doors on your son at age 10/11 which doesn’t seem a good idea at all. You can’t possibly know his future isn’t academic. Why not get him a tutor now if he’s struggling- the switch to secondary is quite difficult so any help now is surely beneficial.

Yeah, my DS is not bothering with RE, geography or DT. He's just not good at or interested in any of them and given his limited attention span and motivation for revision we are focusing on the 7 core subjects he needs to meet minimum standards for college and prepare for his chosen subjects.

I agree, he would probably be better looking at vocational routes as he has found GCSEs so hard.

It's not the number of GCSEs that is the issue, it's the fact when he found things a little hard, he decided to give up and his parents let him. That's a terrible life lesson to have when you're a teenager any time - even worse in the education, economy and job market he will be entering.

I can't believe some of the responses to @CerealPosterHere - basing university entry on GCSE results is not discrimination or bias. What am I reading? If you have 5 GCSEs you must know that would rule you out of getting on a university degree 2 years later unless there are extraordinary circumstances. There are NO disadvantaged schools where it's impossible to get 8 GCSEs if you're capable of going to university.

Agree FKAT. Frankly if he’s struggling to work so he can’t manage the normal suite of GCSE’s he surely won’t be able to do a levels. They are a real
leap academically and require hard work. He’s falling at the first fence.

Absolutely agree with this - we shouldn’t just quit things when they get a little bit difficult or we’re not good at them straight away. It won’t set him up well for later life.

If it's viable to arrange tutoring, please do it sooner rather than later. As they get older the gaps widen and it gets harder to fix their self-esteem. It gets harder to engage with teenagers than younger children.

DS2 is dyslexic and struggles more than dyslexic, autistic DS1. DS2 fell behind in the Covid years and just wasn't catching up. School were zero help on the dyslexia front (or indeed DS1's autism). We started tutoring at the start of y6 shortly after we finally got the dyslexia assessment. He is now after 18m roughly closing the gap at double the rate of his academic age progressing. He scraped through the SATs which is good, not for SATs sake, but because he has age appropriate knowledge for starting secondary life rather than being below age expectations and struggling to keep up. Now in y7, the tutor is able to focus more on DS's weak skills of comprehension and open writing.

The biggest thing is that DS knows that he struggles in some areas not because of stupidity but because his brain is wired with particular strengths and challenges, but it is so hard to shake off those damaging negative self-beliefs.

The difficulty with weaknesses in English is that the skills are essential in so many subjects. Autistic perceptions of the world can also significantly affect the skills used in English and comprehension/ interpretation of texts/ information which isn't very well recognised.

3 subjects is a lot to let slide, especially if there is no particular difficulties involved. It's a gamble to assume that 5 strong GCSEs in core subjects is enough. It could be... but it could also close doors, for breadth of knowledge/ skills or implying that an applicant is tunnel visioned of gives up easily.

At 15-16, it's best to keep as many doors open as possible.

It depends on what he wants to do.

Whilst having 5 good grades is the basic standard, if he then wants to go to university he'll be looking at competing with others with similar grades. A lack of GCSEs even at a lower level will count against him in this scenario.

First of all, there is no doors closing, just a simple reminder that SATs exams are not the be all and end all.
He is 10 years old, he is quite old enough to know that he doesn’t fancy university and his current primary school is a waste of time.
He knows this because he is being failed by his teacher every single day.
On the other hand, he is very excited about having specialised teachers with subject specific knowledge who actually KNOW what they’re teaching, so I have no doubt he will flourish in secondary. If he does not, we will assess it then.