Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That I seem to have a lot of downtime

119 replies

Verlaine · 15/02/2025 16:34

I’m a single (co) parent to a 10 yr old. I have a LOT of spare time, and I don’t really get why when everyone else constantly talks about no time to themselves, to sit down etc

For instance, today I got up about 10 and then most of the day I have just chilled with a light bit of tidying/ cleaning which took 30 mins max.

I'm not being facetious, I keep really worrying that there’s things other people do that I’m not doing. There must be as ‘having no time’ is the number one issue people say they have.

What am I missing?

OP posts:
Completelyjo · 15/02/2025 16:36

and I don’t really get why when everyone else constantly talks about no time to themselves, to sit down etc

I don’t know anyone who talks like that in relation to having one almost secondary aged child.

OneTealMentor · 15/02/2025 16:36

I assume this is because you are having a child free day. Other people probably plan to do things, meet friends, organise play dates, go to clubs etc etc

SittingNextToIt · 15/02/2025 16:36

Are these other people also single Co parents of only children aged 10 or over?

Original poster
Verlaine · 15/02/2025 16:37

No, my child is here!

OP posts:
lnks · 15/02/2025 16:37

Verlaine · 15/02/2025 16:34

I’m a single (co) parent to a 10 yr old. I have a LOT of spare time, and I don’t really get why when everyone else constantly talks about no time to themselves, to sit down etc

For instance, today I got up about 10 and then most of the day I have just chilled with a light bit of tidying/ cleaning which took 30 mins max.

I'm not being facetious, I keep really worrying that there’s things other people do that I’m not doing. There must be as ‘having no time’ is the number one issue people say they have.

What am I missing?

Such an inflammatory post.

You know that parents who say this are talking about younger children.

Lionred · 15/02/2025 16:37

I suppose it depends on circumstances. Some people’s children live with them full time, have more than one child, younger children who need more active parenting than a 10 year old, some people don’t have a supportive spouse so have to do everything themselves, work full-time, etc.

Pinkpillow7 · 15/02/2025 16:38

You’re a part time parent to a tween, easy

lnks · 15/02/2025 16:38

Verlaine · 15/02/2025 16:37

No, my child is here!

So why have you been sat down all day rather than doing things with him?

Lookingforwardto2025 · 15/02/2025 16:40

I think one child over the age of 6 is pretty easy really. I have 9yo DS and have plenty of leisure time. My friends with multiple DC, even older DC are much busier. There are more activities to take DC to, more housework etc. They also seem to spend quite a bit of time dealing with disputes between their DC.

lnks · 15/02/2025 16:41

Threads like these are only ever designed to cause a bun fight. It's a subtle dig concealed as confusion or puzzlement.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 15/02/2025 16:42

You aren't missing anything. Some people have busier lives. I had a weekend alone with DS2 recently and I couldn't believe how chilled it was. He only has one weekend activity. Normal family life involves his 2 very sporty active siblings and we are always on the go. I have a friend with 1 13 year old and she has a very relaxing life. She also has no parents alive or any siblings so no family stuff either. dH and I are often visiting our parents or having family over so it fills a lot of time too. I genuinely don't have time for hobbies just a few bits of exercise during the week.

WatchingTheClowns · 15/02/2025 16:43

You got up at 10. Did your child see to his/her own breakfast? You didn't think to go anywhere or do anything with your kid?

JoeySchoolOfActing · 15/02/2025 16:44

You're missing that other people have different life circumstances.

Enjoy your spare time.

Wibblywobblybobbly · 15/02/2025 16:44

Has your child been un front of a screen for a lot of the day? If so that explains ir.

Iwishiwasapolarbear · 15/02/2025 16:45

Only one child who’s 10 is quite easy. I suppose you could have done a few things with your dc like taken them out for a walk/bike ride/park etc and that would have filled your day a bit. Then maybe a game/homework/film. If you don’t do a deep clean or any washing then you’re not going to have a day jam packed with chores either. I don’t really get why you’re so puzzled. It’s not like you’re a single parent to 3 under 5

ICanTellYouMissMe · 15/02/2025 16:47

WatchingTheClowns · 15/02/2025 16:43

You got up at 10. Did your child see to his/her own breakfast? You didn't think to go anywhere or do anything with your kid?

Kids do not need to be entertained every single weekend day. Sometimes a day of chill is exactly what's needed.

Sunnysideup999 · 15/02/2025 16:47

lnks · 15/02/2025 16:38

So why have you been sat down all day rather than doing things with him?

Show quote history

This.
most people are taking their kids to a sport, swimming, helping with homework, taking them to a party and back, going for lunch with them and a friend, day out with them etc.
not many parents sit at home with a 10 year old.
not critiquing - but I think is where the difference is!

Original poster
Verlaine · 15/02/2025 16:48

You’re a part time parent to a tween, easy

well I’m pretty sure I’m a full time parent thanks.

Ok, if it’s only those with younger kids that say that - not what I thought 🤷🏼

OP posts:
Lou205 · 15/02/2025 16:48

I think having one child is very, very different to having 2 or more, especially if they are younger.

PercyFone · 15/02/2025 16:49

What's your child done all day?

Normallynumb · 15/02/2025 16:49

What has your DS been doing today?
Do you spend time with him?
Even taking him to the shops or having lunch out is time together
It's easy to be smug when your circumstances are different to others

Original poster
Verlaine · 15/02/2025 16:50

They’ve got a friend round so have been playing happily thanks, they’re not neglected!

Yes, made themselves breakfast and brought me up a tea!

OP posts:
Dontlletmedownbruce · 15/02/2025 16:50

This week in addition to normal life, cooking, cleaning and evening activities I brought DS 2 to an optician and DD to a dentist. Ds1 needed new football boots. Ds2 had a display I had to attend and DD needed to get a birthday present for a friend. DH had to clear out some items from ILs garden that fell in a storm, I picked up samples for a wooden floor we are getting soon. I attended a PT meeting for DS2 and a school meeting about DS1s upcoming school tour ski trip. DH ordered and collected some ski stuff for DS1. I has a couple of phone calls with my DF and two sisters about an upcoming family event. Having 3 kids is 3 times busier.

InfoSecInTheCity · 15/02/2025 16:51

I have a only child who is also 10yo, today has been reasonably chilled because it's rainy and we're going away Monday so I don't want a full on weekend.

I was up at 6.30am, DD was up at 7am, got her breakfast and then I cleaned the kitchen properly as work more than full time all week so the weekend is when I do a proper clean.

Then we went into town for some bits, home about 11 and she has SATs revision homework to do so we did that.

Got our suitcase packed so I'd know if anything else needed washing or buying.

Got lunch sorted and then DD wanted to do some baking so helped her with that.

Since about 2pm we've just been watching telly or DD has been doing some crafts and Lego.

LittleRedRidingHoody · 15/02/2025 16:52

Realistically it's about what works for you and your family. You're not doing parenting any worse - or better - than anyone else, it's just different.

DS is 5, and I'm very much a 'go go go' kind of mum (mainly because he's a sociable and always wants to be doing something) ~ so weekends are packed with activities, as are after school and evenings. We often have people over for dinner, and host way more playdates/sleepovers/trips out with friends than we get invites for. I genuinely hope this is still the case at 10 and beyond as I do enjoy it, but it is exhausting!

I could 100% scale back on the socialising/classes/parties/trips out and have a more chill life (many of our friends have quieter lives and good for them!) but honestly I don't want that 😂 Your lifestyle wouldn't work for me - but I'm glad it does for you 😊