That I seem to have a lot of downtime

[Verlaine]

I’m a single (co) parent to a 10 yr old. I have a LOT of spare time, and I don’t really get why when everyone else constantly talks about no time to themselves, to sit down etc

For instance, today I got up about 10 and then most of the day I have just chilled with a light bit of tidying/ cleaning which took 30 mins max.

I'm not being facetious, I keep really worrying that there’s things other people do that I’m not doing. There must be as ‘having no time’ is the number one issue people say they have.

What am I missing?

As a lot of you point out maybe it is just the difference between 1 and 2 children.

I do work full time in a very senior role, but I do also have a very flexible employer which most definitely helps.

Daughter does lots of ASC, Acting, Sports etc but as these are straight from school they don’t impact on ‘free time’ as it were. We purposely don’t do weekend clubs as she likes downtime - takes after me I guess!

We do lots together and have a very close relationship generally.

What did we learn from this OP? - Never mention your free time to the kind of people who feel the need to fill every moment of every day with activities and life admin, they will take it immensely personally that you don't 🙃

Great bait though, bravo.

Hang on, you mentioned having a partner on another thread, and yet on here you're presenting it as if you are the only adult in the house when you're not.
So you've a two adult household with one child who is only there part of the time, and then you wonder why you have more free time than a mother who has no help at home

I most definitely don’t have a partner - been single for about 7 years. Where did I say that!

If I just had my ten year old life would be sweet! She amused herself most of the time, reading, drawing, we pop out for coffee together. However I also have her little brother which puts a different spin on things. Two is very different to one, a lot of your time is spent being a referee.

I've actually recommended to a few of my friends uncertain about having kids to just have one of they're unsure. Because then you still get to experience parenthood, but you also only have five years (or less) of hard work looking after them, then lots of downtime.

Everyone I know with one child of school age or older has lots of free time ime.

There you go then. Lots of us did/do activities with kids and things at weekends whereas you don’t. I’m not sure why you were confused. If you don’t do much at weekends and only have one child, you’re not going to feel busy.

I don't have kids but here's an idea of some of the things I do when I'm not at work:

• Sort the recycling, do the washing up, water the plants, catch up on the news, catch up on emails, go through post, shred paperwork
• Pay some bills, review my budget and investments
• Sort out/take a bunch of stuff for the charity shop
• Message friends and arrange a plan to go somewhere and do something
• Go out for lunch or prep food for lunch
• Answer messages from friends/family single or group chats
• Work on planning something for the house, e.g. new curtains, garage conversion, book storage, whatever happens to be needed at the time
• Work on the plans for something fun, such as theatre tickets or a holiday somewhere
• Sort my photos to put on the wall (halfway through a grid frame project)
• Journal
• Do a food bank run
• Do the weekly shop
• Do laundry
• Look up recipes and meal plan
• Go to the gym or go swimming
• Scroll social media or mumsnet
• Go out for dinner or prep food for dinner or order in dinner
• Buy or plan gifts for whoever is next (it's always someone's something!)
• Do some reading around whatever I'm learning at the moment
• Listen to a podcast or read a chapter of my book
• Get my nails or hair or eyebrows or waxing or whatever done
• Review what appointments I have coming up and book anything needed, like the dentist or doctor or window cleaner or oven cleaner or tree trimmer or whatever
• Look at all the places in the house a system isn't working (e.g. linen cupboard overflowing or cleaning cupboard out of control or tupperware not matching) and fix them.
• Do garden or general outdoor tasks.

I think if I had a kid I'd also be tidying up, planning entertainment for them, figuring out their schedule/plans/appointments, sorting their artwork, looking at what they need for school and school projects, sorting their wardrobe and activity clothes, communicating with other parents, etc.

If I still had time after that I'd do volunteer work.

I'm sure you could have found something to do if you'd wanted to - clear out the loft or wash the kitchen floor or go through your wardrobes and take stuff to charity shops or whatever. You choose to do nothing.

You could volunteer if your sedentary life style bothers you

There are many varisbles: do you work full time, part time or not at all? Work close to home or have a commute? Those things leave a massive impact on your time.

@PheasantPluckers I said above, full time in a senior office role. Flexible employer. Commute about 45mins

Well I’m assuming you don’t have your children full time? I think obviously if you did, you would probably notice the difference.

Also you have one 10 year old. For reference I have three children and can feel a huge difference if one is at a friends and I only have two to look after. I’m assuming those who say this have more than one child and if it’s one, they’re not 10?

In my opinion it’s not really that surprising you have lots of free time in your situation.

It sounds like you've just raised a lovely, self sufficient, responsible child. Well done. Enjoy your time.

I think extra curricular activities make a HUGE difference. I have 3 and I only allow them 1 hobby each because I don't want to spend my life in my car. Even then I feel worn out by the weekend.

I dropped a kid home from a playdate recently and wondered why their evening was so chill. I realised it's mainly because their kids are older and less needy. And fewer of them = fewer conflicting needs.

I think it makes a difference whether a child is neurotypical or neurodivergent. Some kids just need a lot more parental input too.

What a shame you didn’t get off your backside and take your child and their friend out, even if just for a walk/coffee. Your day sounds boring as all hell to me, but then I wouldn’t stay slobbed in bed until 10 anyway, there’s always stuff to do, and at the weekends I like to spend time with my child, not hiding under the duvet then ignoring them all day. Have neither of you been outside at all? The weather isn’t very good, but even then we never stay inside for a whole day. No medal from me for your parenting, I’m afraid.

Everyone has different lives, responsibilities, interests. It it really easy to never have a minute to yourself as an adult. Some people find time to chill. Some fill the time because they need to or want to. It’s amazing if you have a chilled life and that’s what you want. But not everyone is either fortunate enough for that or wants that.

@PigglyWigglyOhYeah why did you feel the need to be so rude to me?

I can’t imagine having that urge to attack a stranger for no reason.

Edit. Good lord just seen you’re a teacher too. And one that complains about parents’ being rude and aggressive. Sigh

I have one dc at home and they like time to themselves but I usually take them out somewhere if we have a whole day off as I get bored myself and think it’s a waste of a day to just stay in.

I have a 3 YO and a newborn. Barely time to wipe my own arse 🤣🤣

I guess it is easier with 1 child. I also have a 10 year old and then a 4 year old......Weekends are always fairly busy. Eldest has swimming in the morning. Today youngest had a party so we split that. I also do my big food shop on a Sat. Always have washing to catch up on and housework, normally homework too. Plus I like to get out with them both as a family.

I have very little downtime but that is mostly my choice! I work full time, I have 2 adult kids, I do online shopping, I have a cleaner and not a massive house. I am also training for an ultramarathon so I run 4 times a week and do 2 gym sessions. This means I don't sit down til 7:30pm most evenings and I'm out the house for hours on Saturdays but ultimately it's my choice of how I spend my time and I reckon this applies to a lot of people!

I mostly complain about parents not bringing their kids up properly. I think I can rest my case.

I don’t really get why when everyone else constantly talks about no time to themselves

People generally talk about stressful/tricky parts of their life to gain helpful support and advice.

People generally don't go around saying how great and stress free they find things compared to other people. Except you of course.

For example - you'll never see a post saying ''gosh my husband died last year and I'm dealing with it really well, I don't understand why everyone else finds grief so difficult''. Or ''I can't have kids but I'm really ok with it, I have loads of free time and money so I don't know why people get so upset about it''.

Do you see what I mean OP?

People generally understand that other people's lives are different to theirs, and that if they say they are stressed or finding things difficult, they probably are.

Maybe you have low standards of cleanliness or tidiness?

You are missing:

Elderly parents to visit and do errands for, family and friends to visit, hobbies. More than one child - their hobbies and sports, parties to drop them to, their laundry, meals, etc, etc, Partners family and friends to visit. House to renovate/decorate. Garden to care for. A larger house to maintain. Places to visit - walks, theatre, cinema, a meal out. Whatever.

Obviously, if you’re happy staying in all weekend along with your child, then you’re going to have a chilled time. Others might think it quite boring.

Don't feel bad, I remember when mine were little I didn't even have time to sleep let alone sit down.

Now they are 14 & 9 and amuse themselves when we're not doing something together. Think people forget there's a huge difference between a toddler/young child and a tween!