That I seem to have a lot of downtime

[Verlaine]

I’m a single (co) parent to a 10 yr old. I have a LOT of spare time, and I don’t really get why when everyone else constantly talks about no time to themselves, to sit down etc

For instance, today I got up about 10 and then most of the day I have just chilled with a light bit of tidying/ cleaning which took 30 mins max.

I'm not being facetious, I keep really worrying that there’s things other people do that I’m not doing. There must be as ‘having no time’ is the number one issue people say they have.

What am I missing?

You have one late-primary aged, neuro-typical child - I'd be more surprised if you didn't have a lot of downtime, to be honest.

Saying that, I do think there's a certain type of person who thrives off "being busy" and will over-egg how much they have to do in order to make their days look more "full" than they actually are. Not sure on the logic behind it, though!

I mostly complain about parents not bringing their kids up properly. I think I can rest my case.

@PigglyWigglyOhYeah how have you decided this? What info have I given you on how I bring my child up bar one day in our lives? Why are you so angry! It’s bemusing.

Having one child is easy.

I have an 8yo with special needs. I work full time, volunteer for two organisations (one 4 hours a week, and the other is one full day a month). Take him two his extra curriculars (scouts and music lessons), do homework and reading with him every night, and am studying a part-time MA. Still have quite a lot of downtime!

I see my friends with two or more children and they are working so much harder at it than I am. They are incredible. Balancing the needs of multiple children must be exhausting and takes a lot of resources. It’s a lot easier when there’s only one child to work around.

I think people are extrapolating one day out to a lifetime. We do not sit in all the time - we’re both very social and out and about all the time. But going out doesn’t lead to a lack of downtime at home. If we’re out all afternoon we still have the evening etc.

I guess it’s just having the one and them being a tween. Either way, it’s pleasant!

I thank my lucky stars I have one to be honest!

Same! I love being one and done! 😂

Honestly not being goady, but I would love to see a breakdown of your schedule - genuinely can't see how that would all be possible for me (would love to do a masters too!)

Most people like to do things with their children at the weekend. I’m assuming your child isn’t on sports teams? My DD has had 3 hours squad training today, DS2 had a rugby match and DS1 went fishing with my dad. We took them to the cinema this afternoon.
Does your child get to do things at the weekend or is it always like this?

Did you even read the thread before jumping in to be judgemental?

My son gets transport to his SEN school so is out the house from 7.45am-3.45pm. That’s when I’m logged on for work, but I finish at 4.30pm (DP is home for DS). I work four days a week condensed hours so I’m available to log back on most evenings, and have Fridays as my study day - but it’s a 3 year part time masters so time demand is very minimal! Work give me study leave when assignments are due because they feel guilty that they declined to fund it 😂

On Wednesday we leave for Scouts at 4.30pm, and we are there until 8.30pm. I lead one section, my DS attends another, plus time before setting up and afterwards planning.

That just leaves Saturday morning for music classes, then one Sunday a month where I volunteer as an Independent Visitor for a child in care.

My nearly 11 yr old is a dream.I work TTO and my half term is going to be 99.9% down time

You had the good sense to have a low maintenance child. Well done!

If it’s just you and a 10yo (who you don’t have full time) then I assume you don’t have as many chores as a single parent with 4 kids.

I am a single parent so my life is a little more hectic than yours but I would still have a lot of downtime because we don’t make much mess and I clean as I go.

I do have a busy job though and study in the evenings and so I have less time than those who are child-free or who co-parent/have a partner.

I have loads of free time but then my DC are in their 30s 😂

Some people are genuinely busy all the time. Some just don't like to be alone with their thoughts. I know someone like this who admitted it to me. If they were to have a "chilled" day they'd ruminate on everything they're unhappy about and end up feeling depressed. So they fill their time to avoid that.

We had a super chilled day. Very relaxing. Barely left the sofa. Teens did their own thing and 6 yr old played Lego. It was lovely. But we aren’t well, heavy colds. The laundry is piling up and the house is a mess.
Three kids, even older ones, create a lot of mess and laundry and teen stress (teen broke up with girlf, another struggling with a teacher). Smaller one to deal with and make sure he’s entertained and happy and has outside time etc. Renovating a house, dealing with the animals. Etc.

Everyone’s lives are different. Our circumstances all different. Our emotional and mental health, different.

One child age ten with no sen is not a huge amount of work....and if you're a single parent, whilst you're obviously doing it on your own, you don't have a man there creating mess and more chores.

I think you're doing fine! I also prefer the quiet life, i don't like every hour jammed with activities for me or DC. It's nice for DC to get their own time for themselves

I have a lot of down time as i need that and thats what i enjoy. It's your life you choose how to live it whether that's spending a rainy afternoon watching a film and ordering a takeaway or having your kids in lots of activities, cleaning the house top to bottom and batch cooking for the week. Some people like to be busy and constantly on the go and feel like sitting around is a waste of time others like a slower pace of life. Neither is right or wrong people are just different

I have 3dc and never had so much time to myself - because they’re 20 (at uni), 19 (working) and 13!
it’s taken years to get to this point where I essentially have Saturdays free as dh and the youngest are out for football stuff most of the day.
I still feel giddy that I get to please myself pretty much all day every Saturday 😂
Enjoy the downtime op, I don’t feel the need to spend every weekend day up to my elbows in chores/socialising, sometimes it’s nice to just relax.

Thank you @PrincessPeache! I think it's the evenings where I struggle to utilise my time, I feel done in by the time bedtime is finished! Maybe when the kids are older I'll have a bit more energy (just hope my brain can still cope with a masters by then!)

Well it's easy if you have a partner, have transport for your child to get to school and work 4 days from home!

That's isn't a typical set-up for most working parents!

I work part time with two late primary ages DC. One or other DC have a after school activity they need taxing to after school on four of the five weekdays. Sometimes nights they both have clubs in different places on the same night, so lots of running around. They both have Sat morning clubs as well. Today they have done parkrun and I have taken my DD riding. In between this I have built a flat pack cupboard and cooked dinner. My two non working days are spent doing fitting in as many household chores as I can. We avoid upf's so all meals and snacks are pretty much cooked from scratch.....I am very time poor.

To be fair, if you WANTED to be busier, you could be. You could get up early and make pancakes together (for example) then out to a club or activity together - or take the friend also.

if your child is happy to get up and make their own breakfast etc, and you are happy with it too, then crack on!

I never said it was typical 😂 and I never said that because I have free time, it means everyone else is pretending to be busy. Simply highlighting that everyone has their own circumstances that impact on how much free time they have!

(Although interesting that you said I have it “easy” - just because it’s not as time consuming as other parents experiences, what on earth makes you think that working full time, studying part time and have a child with complex additional needs is easy??)

FWIW I work full-time from home because I am the primary carer to a severely disabled child and I’m a civil servant who is lucky to have flexibility with a carers passport. Seems a bit mean to begrudge that really.

Tbh your weekend sounds like hell to me yet you present it like you’re judging OP just because you’re busy with kids stuff and she isn’t. Sometimes people like to have a bit of down time at the weekend after a busy week at work. That’s not to say it’s the same every weekend. Everyone’s different some people like to be on the go all the time others do not