Thinking it’s weird for kids to pay parents rent

[User788889]

My friend has a daughter (17) she charges rent. My family did the same to me growing up? Am I the only one who think it’s setting your kids up for failure and greedy to charge your kids for staying in their childhood home. I’d want my kids to be able to afford their own place not make it harder for them. Only thing I would do was pretend to and then give it all back to them…

I’d be changing the will!

Damned if I’d be on a tight budget, providing free board and lodging for my offspring on a decent wage, spending money on socially life, holidays, clothes, etc. No parent should be judged as mean for doing so.

I thought CMS payments continued whilst in full time education? You'll still get it while she is at 6th form. You mention UC so must be in the UK.

Also, she would get full maintenence loan if she went to uni and with a parttime job, like many/most have, she would manage. Please don't discourage her by saying you can't afford for her to go.

The cut off point would surely be once earning more than minimum wage. At least give them chance to get out of their teens first before asking for money. Let them save for their future accommodation.

We are giving our two kids a year of rent-free living with us - they are earning enough to save at least £1000/month, after that we’ll charge them rent somewhere around the incremental cost of living with us.
Ds asked if I was going to do the same as lots of other parents and charge him rent and then give it all back to him and I said no I expect you to take full advantage of the fortunate position he’s been given and save - I am not infantilising his by doing the saving for him, he’s expected to build a savings pot for himself - if i see him behaving like an idiot buying designer labels, fast cars and expensive holidays I’ll ask him to move out and do that on his own terms. He’s not like that anyway - but his cousin is exactly like that - still living at home supported by his single mum at aged 30 moaning about not having a deposit to move out - waiting for his inheritance. I will not enabling my kids to avoid adulting despite having plenty of money to fund them in idleness it will do them no favours.

I will never charge them rent, ever. But I can afford that. If I had a mortgage to pay and it was tight, and I had other working adults living there I'd ask for a contribution no matter who they were.

it balances out? says who? you know the budget of everyone and their situations?

I know that when kids are at school/college we pay for stuff, no? Their clothes <cba to list again> etc. So when they have a job they then pay for all the stuff we use to, it balances out. Except people who apparently lose £600 a month once their dc turns 18. Most of us lose CB but then aren't forking out a tenner a day for activities and food.

Budgeting is about developing self discipline - taking the money off someone doesn’t teach self discipline- it tells them I don’t think you have enough self discipline to save so I’m going to do it for you - making them reliant on you to fix things for them.

The young adults in your family all allow their parents to do this? In my family no young person would dream of not insisting they at least made some contribution, even if its just buying the occasional shop.

It gets them used to paying rent out of their money in a low stakes situation.

Some young adults get their first flat, don't take paying rent seriously and then their credit is affected for the next 7 years.

In my opinion, it does help with budgeting and money management and entering the "real" world.

I didn’t pay rent as such once I started working full time, I paid the difference in council tax as without me there my parent was a single adult and would have got a discount, then I paid half the utilities.
If I wanted specific food I would buy it myself but otherwise I ate with everyone else, I paid for my own toiletries.
I was expected to put half of my wages into savings, and because I had my DH and I managed to buy our first home at 24.
I certainly didn’t begrudge contributing to my family when I lived at home, I still had plenty of money to go out etc
My DH paid £50 a week to his parents back 25 years ago, it’s one of the reasons he moved out at 18 because he could get a room in a shared house for £75 and total freedom.
If my children are still living at home whilst working full time I would expect them to contribute, not massively but based on the amounts they already eat we I just wouldn’t want to fund 3 fully grown adults for nothing, I never expected anyone to pay everything for me.

Maybe pp who don't agree with adult working children paying ‘keep’ could say when their age cut-off for not contributing financially is?

My Niece was charged rent, she worked whilst studying for A Levels and during her gap year. She paid £300 per month plus she paid for all her own driving lessons and test.
My sister is a single parent and simply couldn't afford to pay for another adult wo was earning. My Niece smashed Uni, got her degree, got an internship abroad and is now back in the UK as the youngest 'Senior Buyer' in a large firm. She certainly wasn't held back by paying rent! It taught her the value of money, how to budget and the importance of working hard to achieve want you want instead of having things handed to you on a plate.

Well, £80 a month might be the difference between being overdrawn each month or not. Especially when things like Council Tax increase.

Also it's not just "losing" £80.

We pay £150 pcm in council tax, so if you were paying 75%, you suddenly have an increase of £37.50 pcm to find, on top of being £80 lower income.

So you're actually down £117.50 pcm.

That's a lot to pay when you are doing A levels

So by allowing DC to use their money to just buy "fun stuff" what you are effectively teaching them is "don't worry about bills darling, enjoy your money and we'll deal with the household costs". That's all well and good until the DC move out and have no idea about prioritising bills above all else. Still when they come to you every month for money to pay the rent/bills you won't be complaining because, after all, they should just use their money for other things, just like you taught them.

I am absolutely 100% taking "rent" off my kids once they are earning. They keep all their 1st pay packet and then after that, I will expect some. A contribution towards bills/food and some ill save. All depends on how much they earn if course, but probably somewhere around 20%. Maybe more if they earn well.
If they cant go without, say £500 a month, how the hell are they ever going to afford £100 rent/mortgage and all the other bills. If they don't like it they can go off and try living away from home.
And I have no guilt or shame in thinking this is the right thing to do (for my family.).

This idea is based on the whole premise that your children don’t understand what moving out is AT ALL. So somehow they get to the age they want their own place, renting or buying it, and completely clueless as to how that works- still thinking that someone else is paying for it- and not understanding that even after being approved for a mortgage/ signing a rental agreement and setting up direct debits for their utilities.

i mean sorry, but how stupid would they have to be?!

How is paying for the food they eat and the gas/electric WiFi that they use “paying their parents bills”

The trouble with "children" having no experience of paying their own way is that when they finally do become independent and then they mess up (as we all do when we are learning) it has long lasting consequences.
An 18/19 year old being late with "digs" or not having enough left at the end of the month to pay fares to get to work - easily solvable and a lesson learned.
A 28 year old missing mortgage/ rent payments = at best, a destroyed credit score that will haunt them for years.
That may sound dramatic but I spent years trying to help adults trying to get out of messes their poor financial decisions and ignorance created. "I didn't know I had to pay that" or " I only received 1 reminder" (a favourite) doesn't stop a court judgement.
If you are used to having your entire salary to yourself, even if you are supposed to be saving, it is easy just to spend without thinking or consequence, knowing that you will always be fed, bills paid and a safety net is there if you need it. In other words they are practically and financially dependent on their parents still. Not an attractive characteristic of someone in their 20's.
Paying for your keep won't suddenly make someone responsible or good with money. It does, however, teach you that you don't live for free. It is much easier to learn to pay your way early on than having to unlearn the habit of the responsibility of life always lying with someone else.
Some people are just good with money but the majority of us have to learn. Not everyone who lives off their parents into their late 20's will mess up badly but a proportion will.
Why wouldn't you, as parents, do the best you can and teach your child that fundamental lesson?

Not weird at all. We used to charge DS £250 a month in rent and it was an an absolute bargain. He moved out last year and I think it’s been a bit of a shock TBH.

You'd be surprised. DD and her DP used to advertise their spare room through the local uni and the amount of new students that seemed horrified that they had to pay rent and a share of the bills was unbelievable.

Well I’m not at all surprised that thick people exist, but I would be quite embarrassed to think the only way to avoid raising them was charging them a nominal rent in adulthood- and only if they chose to continue living with me

I'm a widow and a pensioner. My DS lives at home and pays his keep, basically the additional costs I incur because he lives here.
I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect adult children to pay their way.

Yeah, like I keep saying, you have no idea whatsoever of individual people's situations, what they pay for, their living costs, the loss of benefits etc etc. Keeping a large family home on a single wage is difficult. Really difficult. Even more so on lower wages. My children will have to contribute if they live here or I will downsize. Up to them - wre keep the family home going together or I start a new chapter.

I am not really sure I care what all the middle class, high income households (because that's who you're talking about) think of me. I've done a great job with my kids who all started work at 16 whilst studying. And most importantly, they know we're all different and judging is nasty, and futile if you are unable to walk a mile in someone else's shoes.