Thinking it’s weird for kids to pay parents rent

[User788889]

My friend has a daughter (17) she charges rent. My family did the same to me growing up? Am I the only one who think it’s setting your kids up for failure and greedy to charge your kids for staying in their childhood home. I’d want my kids to be able to afford their own place not make it harder for them. Only thing I would do was pretend to and then give it all back to them…

I don't charge my kids rent when they are young for fear they may charge me rent when I'm old.

YABU, for so many reasons.

In many families the parents simply don't earn enough money to fund grown adults living there not contributing. Even if people aren't strapped for cash though I think it's a really good thing to do. Seventeen is a bit younger than I would expect but if the kid has a job it's a really important life lesson to learn. You risk failure to launch if you make it so easy to remain with parents, have all of your earnings for your own fun, and don't get used to actually paying your way.

You'll get tonnes of comments about the idea of parents taking rent but secretly saving it and then presenting it as a house deposit down the line. That's fine if that's what they want to do, but it's equally fine to charge rent and keep it and not do that.

It's not kids place to contribute to the household income even if the parents are struggling. You had the kids so deal with it but that doesn't mean I'm saying fund their lifestyle, they can age appropriate get a job or if studying get a part time job to pay for their own stuff and save for their own place. They can be aged 1 they can be aged 18, pay for their food and electric and don't look to your child to supplement your income.

I don’t see why adults who are earning shouldn’t contribute.
Once DDs had graduated and were earning reasonable money, we charged them around half of what they’d have had to pay in a flatshare locally - rent only, no bills.
I don’t think it does them any harm to understand that a roof over your head, heating, hot water and a fridge full of food, don’t come cheap. And it’ll come as that much less of a shock when they do eventually move out, and have to fund themselves.

You can always save it for them. In fact some years later we helped both dds with deposits when they wanted to buy.

I’ve been a lot more generous than my folks - my DM charged me £3 a week out of the £8.50 I earned in a pre-uni supermarket checkout job! (Obv. A long time ago!) Dh OTOH paid his folks nothing from the £20-odd he’d earn on building sites, and his folks were more skint than mine!

But electricity, gas,water and food bills are higher with them

I am from a culture where it would be unheard of to charge any guests rent if you could afford it. There is no way that I would charge my kids rent unless we fell on hard times of course. I imagine if this happened there would be a natural contributing to meals, shopping and bills as needed. But there certainly would be no formal rent to stay in our home.

I was brought up the same. I have worked full-time since the day I graduated until now and I am in my mid 50s. Not having to pay rent to my parents did not affect my work ethic or sense of responsibility one iota.

This

It absolutely is when they are fully grown adults with jobs.

You think they should have a large disposable income while their parents can't pay their bills? You think adult kids should be dining out while their parents can't afford food? What is wrong with you?

It wouldn’t be supplementing the parents’ income it would be paying their way, and rightly so.

I’m on less than that but own my home outright. It is joint owned with my ex but only I and our kids (not young children) live there. It’s large and detached but I pay all the running costs, my ex doesn’t as he lives elsewhere. My older son works full time now so he contributes to the utility bills. He earns more than me. It is not bizarre that my son contributes. He was even the one who brought it up and told me he will be contributing.

This generation can barely get the money together to rent let alone buy.
Let them keep their money so they can build a life for themselves. That's what we are here to do as parents, set them up not take away from them . A parent is paying rent or their mortgage anyway. A parent is paying the bills anyway. That's their responsibility to manage not the kids. I am talking generally here, I'm not saying kids can't help their parents but what I'm saying it's.. its not their responsibility.

i doubt many children pay enough rent for long enough for it to be a substantial contribution to a house deposit..

I worked for a year before uni to save to pay for uni and paid my parents just £100 a month rent - £1200 total.
I worked 3 jobs and did an evening a level and managed to save £2000 ( I partied a lot!) my parents giving me back the £1200 would’ve made a substantial impact on my savings but they didn’t.

i Moved to uni but didn’t come back for the holidays, or after I graduated.
What was the point? May as well have kept up my house share and worked at uni rather than just come back and pay there to live in a box room in suburbia.

from a family point of view, that’s so sad. I love my parents and they love me, but they didn’t make me feel wanted or welcome as an adult.

and btw I spent my whole 20s missing bills and getting balifff letters/ attachment of earnings orders so it didn’t teach me
much about budgeting either 🤨

How old are your children? Do they work? Do they live at home?

So if your working adult child was running up bigger water bills and heating bills than when they were away at uni (or younger when you could control their output) you’d be quite happy to meet the bigger bills and they can use as much hot water and heating as they like, no cost to them even if they’re earning a decent salary?

I don't think anyone under 18 should be charged rent. Their parents have a legal responsibility for them until that age and should be providing essential needs such as food, housing, and clothes free of charge.

After that, it's situational. Is the child working, going to school, actively job hunting, or just loafing?

If they move back, was the cause illness, job loss, domestic violence, or just want to vacation at the family home on the parents' wallet?

I will charge my children rent once in full time employment. The money will be invested and returned to them when they are ready to move out, giving them a sizeable deposit hopefully.

It’s a good habit to get them into , 17 is young though,
teens and early twenties don’t often save anything!
so even if it’s a small amount
split it if you can afford and stash it for them

I don't think I'd charge my child rent (a fee for simply living at home) but if they were over 18, not in education and earning a full time wage I would expect a contribution towards food, heating, water, council tax etc. I do find it odd that a grown adult who's working wouldn't contribute to these things. You're forever treating them like children if you pay everything when they're fully grown adults.

My two are in their twenties and both work and live at home, since finishing university. I don’t charge them rent or upkeep, but I do encourage them to save and periodically check in to ensure that they are saving and building up healthy nest eggs for themselves.

That’s awful. 😞

My mum charged me £200 a month when I was earning £650 a month in the late 80’s. I charge my daughter £150 a month on £1500 take home. So 10% of her take home pay to have all her washing done, food bought and cooked, gas, electric, water, broadband and a roof over her head. She has £1.3k to herself to save or do as she wishes with. Her dad and me are not well off; far from it. I’m damn sure she won’t find any other mug to do all that for £150 a month.

How the heck are kids ever going to grow up and learn to stand on their own two feet with parents constantly molly coddling them?

Nope, your kids shouldn’t be paying your mortgage. Simple as that. It’s hard enough as it is to get to a position of independence, I’m couldn’t dream of making it harder for them.

I think the majority of people in here just aren't very low income and don't understand that having benefits reduced/discounts not applied etc anymore means that the parents can't afford to live there anymore. Because the council sees there are now 4 working adults living there, not 1 and 3 kids.

No, they shouldn't be paying your mortgage. But how about a 25 year old who's living at home and earning £40k per year. Should their parents still continue to buy all their food, pay the full costs of heating, electricity, water etc.? Is it not reasonable for an adult earning a full wage to contribute towards the food they eat?

Are the majority of people in that situation though? Completely unable to afford rent without full housing benefit, completely unable to pay full council tax

they exist, but is this situation common enough for the whole conversation to only be about them?

I think there's a world of difference between charging "rent" (which, to me at least, is basically charging someone for the privilege of living in your property), and asking for a contribution towards household expenses.

My kids are all late teens / 20s now and have come and gone over the years. Whenever they are living at home though, we always ask for keep, to cover their portion of food and electricity etc. Both my husband and I are on lowish incomes (although not low enough to qualify for any benefits) and there is no way we could afford to pay for food and bills for 5 adults. We would be struggling and left with nothing, while our kids - if they didn't contribute - would be hundreds of pounds a month better off than us. We see this as only fair - it's not as though we ask for market value "rent" but around £150-£200 to cover their keep is fair enough I think.

I actually think you're setting your kids up for failure if you DON'T take anything from them. They would get used to not having to pay any bills etc, and be in for a shock when they finally do move into their own place.

I think if parents can comfortably afford to feed extra working adults, then good on them, but not everyone is in that boat. It's not "weird" to be struggling for money, and your post is very tone deaf.