Page 11 | Thinking it’s weird for kids to pay parents rent

Hedgingmybetching · 14/02/2025 13:47

User788889 · 14/02/2025 10:31

My friend has a daughter (17) she charges rent. My family did the same to me growing up? Am I the only one who think it’s setting your kids up for failure and greedy to charge your kids for staying in their childhood home. I’d want my kids to be able to afford their own place not make it harder for them. Only thing I would do was pretend to and then give it all back to them…

It depends if she's in work and the parent needs help to pay the bills?

Personally, when my son is an adult, if he still lives at home after finishing his education and has a full time job I will ask him to pay rent. I think it teaches young adults financial responsibility and how to budget. However if I'm in a good financial situation and don't need help with the bills, I fully intend to put the rent in a seperate bank account and gift it back to DS towards a house or rental deposit when he flies the nest.

Nowthesaidmother · 14/02/2025 13:49

User788889 · 14/02/2025 13:18

This is what I mean. I have found in my experience people who were helped financially in their late teens early 20s naturally went on to do amazing things. Jeff bezos mom gave him 300k. While that is extreme, people find it so bizarre to help out their adult children. But do they really want them to be as poor as they are?

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Putting it simple for you op, obviously money helps give people a good start in life, no one is disputing that.

Your bias is preventing you from understanding, it's not that parents want their children to be as poor as they are, it's because they are poor that they can't afford it.

AquaPeer · 14/02/2025 13:50

DollydaydreamTheThird · 14/02/2025 13:38

Not if they were single. Rent alone in my area at the cheapest is £1kfor a shithole and it would be unlikely they would be able to get a mortgage on their own either even if they had the necessary deposit(unlikely if they are from low income family). Most young people stay at home until their mid 20s these days, if not longer, to save up for a deposit. Don't forget a lot of young people like to party which costs ££££.
Some of the privileged posts on here have really riled me. Can you not see that not everyone has loads of money. It's not related to how hard you have worked at school. Socioeconomic factors keep poor people poor and we all know that. I hate people who think that people are poor because they didn't try hard enough at school/work/life.

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But the graduate has more money than
the mum, so logically they have more choices… although I’m sure in your example the single mum on £25k a year owns their substantial house outright or with a small
mortgage.

Parky04 · 14/02/2025 13:50

crossstitchingnana · 14/02/2025 10:49

I charge my dd £100 a month. It's a nominal amount as we can afford it, we want her to save a deposit BUT I am not working to pay all the bills while she spends all hers on herself, that's unfair.

Yep, we do the same. Although, at first, my DS complained and threatened to move out. He soon changed his mind when he looked into the cost of moving out! The £100 has remained the same for 4 years.

Jyrrfpgw · 14/02/2025 13:53

Janiie · 14/02/2025 13:45

But then we all used to pay dinner money for school and college didn't we, school and college bus fares etc. So what we don't now pay evens out any extra food purchases.

When younger we give them money for clothes, buy school shoes, pay for taxis, trains, pizzas out. It is neverending so yes when they work they can pay all those costs but not towards mum and Dads leccy bill. Board and lodge for teens on min wage is madness. Let them save a bit!

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I agree with you. I don't charge my kids anything at all. And never will. But others do.

pimplebum · 14/02/2025 13:53

most people I know need the contribution due to cost of living

suburburban · 14/02/2025 13:55

I think once they are earning a salary in a full time job then why not

My DS pays a minimal amount but it is good for him to be aware of costs of things

suburburban · 14/02/2025 13:57

@Hedgingmybetching

That's what we will do and my dm did for me.

Janiie · 14/02/2025 13:57

pimplebum · 14/02/2025 13:53

most people I know need the contribution due to cost of living

Parents are paying the bills already. Kids need to save for mortgages or rents.
Yes get them to pay for their clothes, bus fares, nights out, taxis. All the stuff we used to pay when they were younger. Now we don't pay for all that stuff so should be better off.

CornishDew · 14/02/2025 13:58

I will always have a bedroom for DD and hope she is happy to stay home whilst she saves for a mortgage. We’ve been saving to build part of a deposit for her for when she’s older however I will also ask that she pays 20% of her salary in rent, I will add this to the deposit pot we’ve been saving for her.

I feel it helps young adults learn the value of money and how much they’ll need to earn to enjoy life. I would also like her to put 20% to long term savings (house deposit) and 10% to short term saving (travel or bigger ticket items). This would leave 50% disposable income to do as she wishes

Lucelady · 14/02/2025 13:58

My DS (25) earns more than his father but refuses to pay rent. He moved back in to save and has become very entitled. Hopefully he's moving out soon. We'll be downsizing!
His sister is a student and is prevented from working by her University. She sells art online. She's very low need.

DollydaydreamTheThird · 14/02/2025 14:00

AquaPeer · 14/02/2025 13:50

But the graduate has more money than
the mum, so logically they have more choices… although I’m sure in your example the single mum on £25k a year owns their substantial house outright or with a small
mortgage.

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The single mum on £25k a year probably doesn't own her own home. Most of my friends who are single parents are stuck renting as they can't afford to save for a deposit. The foreign investor who owns my friend's house put the rent up from £800 to £1k. They have you over a barrel.

AquaPeer · 14/02/2025 14:01

DollydaydreamTheThird · 14/02/2025 14:00

The single mum on £25k a year probably doesn't own her own home. Most of my friends who are single parents are stuck renting as they can't afford to save for a deposit. The foreign investor who owns my friend's house put the rent up from £800 to £1k. They have you over a barrel.

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Well exactly. So how realistic is the example that the adult graduate who earns 30% more will live with mum to help her afford rent rather than get their own place?

AquaPeer · 14/02/2025 14:03

Lucelady · 14/02/2025 13:58

My DS (25) earns more than his father but refuses to pay rent. He moved back in to save and has become very entitled. Hopefully he's moving out soon. We'll be downsizing!
His sister is a student and is prevented from working by her University. She sells art online. She's very low need.

In reallly think that in time universities banning students from working in term time will be found to be discriminatory and made illegal

suburburban · 14/02/2025 14:04

I had to pay the poll tax share as well

My dps were well off

I know mil handed over her wages to her dm in the 50s and got pocket money.

suburburban · 14/02/2025 14:05

Lucelady · 14/02/2025 13:58

My DS (25) earns more than his father but refuses to pay rent. He moved back in to save and has become very entitled. Hopefully he's moving out soon. We'll be downsizing!
His sister is a student and is prevented from working by her University. She sells art online. She's very low need.

I wouldn't let him get away with that tbh.

The doors that way

justteanbiscuits · 14/02/2025 14:08

I paid my parents 20% of what ever I took home from any job. From when I earnt £4 for a paper round when I was 13, to when I was working full time.

Lovelysummerdays · 14/02/2025 14:09

My Mum had me pay her money as soon as I started eatning so from 13 with a paperound. So that skews my viewpoint somewhat. I do think if you are working you should contribute. Lots of people are not terribly well off and can easily be in a situation where they are skint but expected to fund food and heating for someone who has £1-2k disposable income a month.

There are parents who could afford not to charge rent but do as a life lesson. They also have a point often we don’t value things unless you pay for them. People can complain but often realise it’s much cheaper than a room in a shared flat and they don’t stock the fridge and pay the bills.

suburburban · 14/02/2025 14:10

justteanbiscuits · 14/02/2025 14:08

I paid my parents 20% of what ever I took home from any job. From when I earnt £4 for a paper round when I was 13, to when I was working full time.

That's a bit much from your paper round

Bignanna · 14/02/2025 14:11

AquaPeer · 14/02/2025 13:05

Because this is their time to do that? Because many of their parents were lucky enough to do that when they were 20 too?
Because it’s a bit weird to drag a 20 year old down to the drudge and responsibility of 50 year old parents when they’re in the prime of their lives?!

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They need to understand about “drudge” and responsibility It’s possible for them to contribute and enjoy holidays, nice clothes etc too if budgeting carefully. Not expecting them to contribute anything just results in selfish over indulgence.
Some don’t help with household chores either, expecting Mum and Dad to cook for them, wash their clothes ,clean their room , drive them everywhere. That’s the parents’ fault if they’re not encouraging independence, though.

Mookie81 · 14/02/2025 14:13

ThejoyofNC · 14/02/2025 10:51

Personally I think it's terrible. But it's absolutely unheard of on my culture so it's just an alien concept.

I'm always astounded by idiots on these threads who can't possibly conceive that some parents may not be able to afford to completely fund their children once they're 18 and child benefits stop.
My single parent mother was one of those parents- I took a gap year and was working to save money for university. My mum had 3 other children to feed and clothe and relied on my contribution. She no longer received money for me so I paid something per month.
Not everyone can afford to have their children living off them!

steff13 · 14/02/2025 14:14

It's not something I require of my adult children, but I certainly don't think it's "weird" for other people to do it. Different families have different rules, some people can't afford to fully support adult children, etc.

AquaPeer · 14/02/2025 14:15

Bignanna · 14/02/2025 14:11

They need to understand about “drudge” and responsibility It’s possible for them to contribute and enjoy holidays, nice clothes etc too if budgeting carefully. Not expecting them to contribute anything just results in selfish over indulgence.
Some don’t help with household chores either, expecting Mum and Dad to cook for them, wash their clothes ,clean their room , drive them everywhere. That’s the parents’ fault if they’re not encouraging independence, though.

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They don’t need to learn about it 20 Years in advance. Learning to pay bills and build a good credit rating (essential for a 20 year old) is very different to learning what it’s like to be 50 with a family.

it was extremely common when I was younger for people to have gap years. A year or 2 living in hostels and hotels. Those people has largely had no problems returning to normal
life and setting up a direct debit for the gas. It’s really not that hard and doesn’t take that much learning.

BunnyLake · 14/02/2025 14:18

AquaPeer · 14/02/2025 13:31

Would it not be likely that the graduate would rather live in their own house rather than with their mum who presumably due to their earnings lives in a small/ cheap property?

like what’s the motivation for the child to stay there? Maybe they’re amazing friends and support for each other but that’s not massively common at 22

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No because rent is very expensive and they’ve not worked long enough to buy.

My earnings are less than that but I live in a large, mortgage free detached house. Plenty of room. You don’t always know people’s circumstances. I am questioning the blanket principle of thinking charging anything is bizarre.

Bignanna · 14/02/2025 14:18

I’m wondering if some children pay board while thinking that their parents are secretly saving it to give it back to themas a house deposit. A lot of parents seem to do this these days. It’s a good idea for parents to save half and keep the other half towards household expenses, if they can afford it. Must be a shock when the children eventually leave home and get…nothing! Some parents may not charge any board, thinking that one day the children will return the favour when they are old and frail, but they too may find that they shouldn’t have assumed that!