Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel upset I won’t be invited to his parents 60th?

184 replies

PrueD · 14/02/2025 00:51

I’ve been with my partner for 15 months and I’ve never met his parents. His parents know all about me and he chats to them when I’m there etc but they live in another country in Europe, so he doesn’t see them often.

About 8 months in, he told me they had said I’m welcome to visit any time. I’m now at a point where I know so much about them but we haven’t met. He is also divorced for 5 years.

Now he tells me he and his brother are planning a 60th party for his parents this summer. And tells me we can go on holiday together the next month - I’m basically not invited and I feel hurt.

for all intents and purposes this is a serious relationship and he even spent part of Christmas with my family and see them
a lot. I feel this is just too long to wait.

OP posts:
BaMamma · 14/02/2025 00:54

How close is his ex-wife to his family and do they have kids?

FallOfTheHouseOfUtterlyButterly · 14/02/2025 00:55

Did he say "you aren't invited to the party?"
Or was it meant more as "you can come to the party and meet them then come on holiday?"

Maybe the birthday party would have family members around who would disapprove of the new relationship?

Notgivenuphope · 14/02/2025 00:55

I would not stand for this OP. I would say ok so when will be be flying out then? And let him explain to you why you’re excluded.

Original poster
PrueD · 14/02/2025 00:59

He doesn’t have kids with his ex wife and they haven’t seen her since the divorce according to him.

I did think that maybe a concern is language barrier at a family party. He said his parents speak decent English but I’m not sure about everyone else.

how do I raise this without saying ‘where’s my invite!?’. We have agreed we are a serious item and seem to be heading that way. Tomorrow my parents are taking us both for dinner and to the theatre. I actually find it quite rude.

OP posts:
Lurkingandlearning · 14/02/2025 03:36

He’s enjoying your family’s hospitality and getting to know them but doesn’t think you are worthy of the same. Doesn’t see you as a long term GF and although happy to eat at your family’s table doesn’t want to involve his own family. Or his family are so awful he doesn’t want you to meet them.

You’ve got to ask him why you’re not invited. You can’t have a relationship and not discuss things that concern you.

The different languages isn’t a barrier. You can probably learn enough to get by at the party before the summer. You’d only be having basic chats even if you all spoke the same language

Ponderingwindow · 14/02/2025 03:47

His parent’s 60th wedding anniversary party is hardly the place to introduce a girlfriend.

unless the two of you can make a trip to visit before the party, you really don’t need to attend this event. You haven’t been there for any of the 60 years they will be celebrating, you would just be stepping in on that day. His parents must be in their 80s. This isn’t a more the merrier kind of celebration. It’s for people who mean something to them.

thatringoffire · 14/02/2025 04:05

PrueD · 14/02/2025 00:59

He doesn’t have kids with his ex wife and they haven’t seen her since the divorce according to him.

I did think that maybe a concern is language barrier at a family party. He said his parents speak decent English but I’m not sure about everyone else.

how do I raise this without saying ‘where’s my invite!?’. We have agreed we are a serious item and seem to be heading that way. Tomorrow my parents are taking us both for dinner and to the theatre. I actually find it quite rude.

Edited

So you haven't heard them speak fluent English?

Maybe he doesn't speak about you when he's on the phone to them? Are you sure they know about you?

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 14/02/2025 04:09

Ponderingwindow · 14/02/2025 03:47

His parent’s 60th wedding anniversary party is hardly the place to introduce a girlfriend.

unless the two of you can make a trip to visit before the party, you really don’t need to attend this event. You haven’t been there for any of the 60 years they will be celebrating, you would just be stepping in on that day. His parents must be in their 80s. This isn’t a more the merrier kind of celebration. It’s for people who mean something to them.

I 100% agree with this . Their wedding anniversary is about them not you , it’s not the time to introduce a new partner. he wants to spend time celebrating them, if you are there he will be having to be by your side all night as you won’t know anyone and by the sounds of things there is also a language barrier.

Let him go and tell him to spoil his parents rotten but start a plan for you to go visit them within a few moths and when you go take them a anniversary present

user1492757084 · 14/02/2025 04:18

Just ask whether, if you are still together, he would mind if you attended?
Your DP is organising the party so you need to be happy with him spending a lot of time hosting and drawing attention to his parents.

OldChairMan · 14/02/2025 04:21

Ponderingwindow · 14/02/2025 03:47

His parent’s 60th wedding anniversary party is hardly the place to introduce a girlfriend.

unless the two of you can make a trip to visit before the party, you really don’t need to attend this event. You haven’t been there for any of the 60 years they will be celebrating, you would just be stepping in on that day. His parents must be in their 80s. This isn’t a more the merrier kind of celebration. It’s for people who mean something to them.

What complete nonsense. Every sentence!

AngelicKaty · 14/02/2025 04:22

Ponderingwindow · 14/02/2025 03:47

His parent’s 60th wedding anniversary party is hardly the place to introduce a girlfriend.

unless the two of you can make a trip to visit before the party, you really don’t need to attend this event. You haven’t been there for any of the 60 years they will be celebrating, you would just be stepping in on that day. His parents must be in their 80s. This isn’t a more the merrier kind of celebration. It’s for people who mean something to them.

@PrueD
I agree with @Ponderingwindow . I'd be more irritated that in the 7 months since your DP told you his parents had said you were "welcome to visit anytime", he hasn't arranged a visit! If he had done so, then taking you to their 60th wedding anniversary party this summer as his partner would have felt more natural.
Do you know for a fact you're not invited, OP? Has he specifically said you're not, or just given you this impression? (and if so, how?) If he's not really been clear, perhaps you could ask him if he wants help with booking (both) your flights and see what he says?

arcticpandas · 14/02/2025 04:22

Very weird and hurtful. YANBU. I would ask him bluntly why he doesn't want you to meet his parents.

JMSA · 14/02/2025 04:23

His parent’s 60th wedding anniversary party is hardly the place to introduce a girlfriend.

This is what I thought. And especially when there's a language barrier.

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 14/02/2025 04:47

I think it’s so weird people think this is a bad time to meet them.

It’s a party! She can say hello and congratulations. It’s a low pressure meet and greet.

Neveranynamesleft · 14/02/2025 04:52

@Ponderingwindow

Total nonsense.

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 14/02/2025 04:58

OP surely his parents want to meet you ?

Wouldn't they find it strange that their son's partner isn't attending their celebration?

You need to speak with him!

BeaAndBen · 14/02/2025 05:05

Definitely not the occasion to meet them for the first time. Sorry, OP.

Heidi2018 · 14/02/2025 05:13

Have you met them on facetime or talked to them over the phone?

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 14/02/2025 05:21

Tell him you’d like to meet his parents and listen carefully to his response. Online chat might be the best way to introduce you.

Devon24 · 14/02/2025 05:23

At this point you need to insist. Ridiculous that it hasn’t happened so far.

LillyPJ · 14/02/2025 05:39

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 14/02/2025 04:47

I think it’s so weird people think this is a bad time to meet them.

It’s a party! She can say hello and congratulations. It’s a low pressure meet and greet.

But you don't know what the parents are like, or if it's just for old friends, or a small quiet get-together. Nor do you know about their culture or relationship with the son and his ex. You're just projecting your idea of a party onto the situation. The partner is in a better position to judge.

Flamingoknees · 14/02/2025 05:44

I assume he speaks in their language when on calls? He could be telling you anything OP. I'd be sceptical about everything, until you actually meet them. That includes his divorce. Why is he in your country? What religion/nationalty are he and his parents?

Brainstem · 14/02/2025 05:48

I don’t think it’s the place to meet the for the first time either.

Zonder · 14/02/2025 05:50

Just say that you would like to come to the party. Or maybe best to ask to meet them sooner first.

Communication is key.

Strictly1 · 14/02/2025 05:52

With a language barrier he’d have to babysit you throughout the party or you’d moan I bet. Let him go and enjoy it and you can meet them after. The party is about them not you.